AND TARGET FUN
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The Complete Guide
to
Kmart and Target
Fun
by:
the
Hysterical One
and
Breeon
March 10th, 1988
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Many a person has departed
from his employment with past secrets of the
company he worked for. When those secrets can
benefit others, it’s
logical to pass those on. As past employees of those incredible
culture
centers of flashing blue lights and red vests, we felt it necessary to let
the
world know about the information. Have fun!
__________
/ /
/ Kmart /
/_________/
Kmart, the home of the flashing blue light, provides much fun and
TYFSOK (pronounced tife-sock). This cute little
acronym is the little
saying that we all get sick of whenever we visit Kmart. It stands for
by the
checkout individual, immediately go to the service desk and ask for
the manager. Explain to
him that the checkout person did not say the
TYFSOK crap, and you will be rewarded with a $10
gift certificate. TYFSOK
is a way of life for the Kmart Checkout operator.
Shoplifting. Kmart has had a large share of shoplifting. The security
systems in all the
stores I have visited are very state-of-the-art. The
important lookout for the number of
cameras scanning is to look for large
black-plexiglass covers just above the top level of
shelving in the
stores. These "windows" house either a person watching, or a
camera
scanning.
Although they don’t want you to know it, Kmart very rarely has
the
"pseudo-customer." Usually this person is hired during the Christmas
season. Be on the lookout for a 30-40 year old man or woman, dressed in
average clothing for
the area you are in. Be watchful for friendliness
with working store clerks, and if you aren’t
sure, follow that person
around. The average "Kmart psuedo-customer" looks fairly
obvious, when
you spend 2 hours in a store and don’t purchase a thing.
The
important notation: Say you are in the sporting goods department,
and you just stashed
softball glove, or fishing reel, or something in your
jacket and are about to make a hasty
getaway. If you hear the wonderful
call "Three-hundred and a half from sporting goods,
three-hundred and a
half from sporting goods…" in a nice calm tone, you have been
spotted.
Get out of the store as fast as possible if you are going to get away.
Kmart
employees are instructed to follow you as far as possible. Many
Kmarts are in Mall areas, so
that person will usually stash his name tag
in his pocket, and follow you. Be wary, if you
take the risk.
Fires: If you hear over the P.A. system…" Caroline to the Garden
Shop,
Caroline to the Garden Shop," there is a fire alarm going off in the
Garden
Shop. Almost always it is a false alarm, usually arising with
someone trying to go out of a
door they aren’t supposed to.
The Blue Light. The Blue light runs off of a car battery,
is on wheels,
is never in storage, and there are usually 3-4 at most stores, with two
being the minimum number. The blue light charges all night with a 6 amp
trickle charger for
car batteries. Generally, someone who "looks" like a
Kmart employee can take one and
move it around without saying anything,
although I have yet to meet anyone with the balls to
steal one.
Nevertheless, it would provide a VERY nice addition to the college dorm
room
decoration.
Other calls: Using the intercom on an in-store Kmart phone usually means
department, one-thousand to the xxx department" is a call for assistance
in the xxx
department. The only use of this to you might be for you to go
ahead and call for assistance
yourself, or to check and see if the person
on duty in that department is around.
"Three-ten to the xxx department,
three-ten to the xxx department" is a call for the
manager to go to
whichever department. This is not and emergency call, it’s for customer
asstance, or to void a cash register operation, etc… All these calls
are repeated twice.
Returning merchandise: Although they don’t advertise it, most Kmarts have
a
no-receipt-necessary refund policy. They boast about the ease in
returning merchandise at any
Kmart, regardless of where it was purchased.
What this means, is that you can pretty much
return anything to Kmart, if
it is sold at Kmart. You will receive the current price in of
that
merchandise in the store. So, if you return something that is on sale,
you will get
the sale price. If you wait until after the sale, you will
get the regular price. In fact,
should you be so lucky as to get into the
Kmart garbage room, you can get broken merchandise
(although it is usually
destroyed, sometimes you get lucky), and return it for a full
refund.
Refunds mean that you will have your name and home address and phone
number
recorded, but they don’t require identification, so you can leave
any kind of data. Exchanges
require no recording.
Bogus Credit Card booklets: Every cashier has one of the booklets
issued
by credit card companies, listing their stolen credit cards. The employee
or the
store gets a $50 bonus for retrieving stolen credit cards. I have
found it quite easy,
however, to take off with one of these books, because
they just lie around on top of the cash
register within full reach.
___________
/ /
/ Target /
/__________/
Target, the land of the red vests, doesn’t have as many
opportunities as
Kmart, but nevertheless, some.
Shoplifting: Target has on
duty at all times at lease one
"pseudo-customer." They are of all ages, but most
don’t push shopping
carts around. The men usually walk around with a compact disc while the
are rotated among
the stores in the district, so the Target employees
don’t even know who the
"pseudo-customers" are. Of course, there are
usually more at Christmas.
If you see someone peeking around the end of an aisle at you, or following
you around, they
are watching you. If you are approaching the door with
stolen merchandise, and you are a
person that looks like an obvious
trouble maker, you will hear a "Manager on duty nine
nine nine" repeated
twice, you soon see a lot of excited young men in red vests
rapidly
approaching the front doors. If you already outside the doors, you better
kick
it in the ass; Target employees will follow you, even pursue you in
cars, through swamps,
woods. If you ditch the merchandise, they will hunt
that stuff down too, so they can nail you
for it. If you are not out of
the doors yet, leave the merchandise in a cart and walk out the
door
without it. You have to have the stuff out of the door before they can
get you for
shoplifting.
As far as cameras, their ceiling panels have holes in them, and the
cameras are hidden above. It is nearly impossible to determine where the
cameras are, or where
they are recording. They will watch the employees
also; there are cameras in employee areas.
Occasionally, there are
two-way mirros in the store, but they aren’t often used and are
less
effective than cameras.
Fires: If you run out of a fire door, an alarm will
sound and an employee
will be there as soon as possible, and another employee will either
call
"Security" if they see someone running from the door (theft suspicion) or
call "Manager on duty" if the door opening was an accident. If you hear
"Code
Red xxx department" repeated 3 or 4 times, there is a fire in the
xxx department. If you
want to see another large group of excited young
men in red vests rapidly approaching a
department with fire extinguishers,
just go up to any in-store phone, dial 4 to get the
intercom and say the
above page. To dial out on an in-store phone, dial 9, and if you get
then you can not
dial out of that phone.
Returns of merchandise: When returning any merchandise without
a receipt,
Target will give you the last sale price of that merchandise instead of
the
sale price. If you return something without a receipt valued over
$100, they will record your
name and keep the record for a month, for
comparison purposes (i.e. you are returning a lot of
merchandise).
Identification is required if a refund is issued for an item over $100.
Exchanges can be made for the same item, for any reason (you can’t
exchange shoes for bowling
balls, etc…).
_______________
/ /
/ In closing /
/______________/
In closing we would like to add several things. Both of these stores
have
very good security, and theft and mischief is a hell of a lot easier in
other
stores. Nevertheless, people will try. Of course, this information
will change if too many
people know about it. As far as any personal
reasons for making this file, we said "What
the phuck…" Ha ha ha….
_ _____
\ | | | | / \ | ___> /
| the >-<
ysterical | | ne | & | |______> r e e o n |
/ | | |_| \ / \
Typed March
10th, 1988 at 8:29:39 pm.
Call the Temples of Syrinx….3/12/2400 baud…40
Megs……
/701/237/5439
Ask about access to the hidden elite section, the Altar.
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This has been a
What-the-Phuck production
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