STEAL THIS BOOK

STEAL THIS BOOK

By Abbie Hoffman

Dedicated to Jerry Lefcourt, Lawyer and Brother

Library of Congress number 72-157115 (stolen from Library of Congress)

copyright ©1971 PIRATE EDITIONS

TABLE OF DISCONTENTS

Â¥ INTRODUCTION
Â¥ AIDING AND ABETTING
Â¥ SURVIVE!

1. FREE FOOD

Â¥ Restaurants
Â¥ Food Programs
Â¥ Supermarkets
Â¥ Wholesale Markets
Â¥ Food Conspiracies
Â¥ Cheap Chow

2. FREE CLOTHING AND FURNITURE

Â¥ Free Clothing
Â¥ Sandals
Â¥ Free Furniture

3. FREE TRANSPORTATION

Â¥ Hitch-Hiking
Â¥ Freighting
Â¥ Cars
Â¥ Buses
Â¥ Airlines
Â¥ In City Travel

4. FREE LAND

5. FREE HOUSING

Â¥ Communes
Â¥ Urban Living
Â¥ Rural Living
Â¥ List of Communes

6. FREE EDUCATION

Â¥ List of Free Universities

7. FREE MEDICAL CARE

Â¥ Birth Control Clinics
Â¥ Abortions
Â¥ Diseases Treated Free

8. FREE COMMUNICATION

Â¥ Press Conference
Â¥ Wall Painting
Â¥ Use of the Flag
Â¥ Radio
Â¥ Free Telephones
Â¥ Pay Phones

9. FREE PLAY

Â¥ Movies and Concerts
Â¥ Records and Books

10. FREE MONEY

Â¥ Welfare
Â¥ Unemployment
Â¥ Panhandling
Â¥ Rip-Offs
Â¥ The International Yippie Currency Exchange

11. FREE DOPE

Â¥ Buying, Selling and Giving It Away
Â¥ Growing Your Own

12. ASSORTED FREEBIES

Â¥ Laundry
Â¥ Pets
Â¥ Posters
Â¥ Security
Â¥ Postage
Â¥ Maps
Â¥ Ministry
Â¥ Attrocities
Â¥ Veteran’s Benefits
Â¥ Watch
Â¥ Vacations
Â¥ Drinks
Â¥ Burials
Â¥ Astrodome Pictures
Â¥ Diploma
Â¥ Toilets

Â¥ FIGHT!

1. TELL IT ALL, BROTHERS AND SISTERS

Â¥ Starting a Printing Workshop
Â¥ Underground Newspapers
Â¥ High School Papers
Â¥ G.I. Papers
Â¥ News Services
Â¥ The Underground Press
Â¥ Switchboards

2. GUERRILLA BROADCASTING

Â¥ Guerrilla Radio
Â¥ Guerrilla Television

3. DEMONSTRATIONS

Â¥ Dress
Â¥ Helmets
Â¥ Gas Masks
Â¥ Walkie-Talkies
Â¥ Other Equipment

4. TRASHING

Â¥ Weapons for Street Fighting
Â¥ Knife Fighting
Â¥ Unarmed Defense
Â¥ General Strategy Rep

5. PEOPLE’S CHEMISTRY

Â¥ Stink Bomb
Â¥ Smoke Bomb
Â¥ CBW
Â¥ Molotov Cocktail
Â¥ Sterno Bomb
Â¥ Aerosol Bomb
Â¥ Pipe Bombs
Â¥ General Bomb Strategy

6. FIRST AID FOR STREET FIGHTERS

Â¥ What to Do
Â¥ Medical Committees

7. HIP-POCKET LAW

Â¥ Legal Advice
Â¥ Lawyer’s Group
Â¥ Join the Army of Your Choice
Â¥ Canada, Sweden & Political Asylum

8. STEAL NOW, PAY NEVER

Â¥ Shoplifting
Â¥ Techniques
Â¥ On the Job
Â¥ Credit Cards

9. MONKEY WELFARE

10. PIECE NOW

Â¥ Handguns
Â¥ Rifles
Â¥ Shotguns
Â¥ Other Weapons
Â¥ Training
Â¥ Gun Laws

11. THE UNDERGROUND

Â¥ Identification Papers
Â¥ Communication

Â¥ LIBERATE!

1. FUCK NEW YORK
2. FUCK CHICAGO
3. FUCK LOS ANGELES
4. FUCK SAN FRANCISCO

INTRODUCTION

It’s perhaps fitting that I write this introduction in jail-

that graduate school of survival. Here you learn how to use

toothpaste as glue, fashion a shiv out of a spoon and build

intricate communication networks. Here too, you learn the only

rehabilitation possible-hatred of oppression.

Steal This Book is, in a way, a manual of survival in the

prison that is Amerika. It preaches jailbreak. It shows you where

exactly how to place the dynamite that will destroy the walls. The

first section-SURVIVE!-lays out a potential action program for our

new Nation. The chapter headings spell out the demands for a free

society. A community where the technology produces goods and

services for whoever needs them, come who may. It calls on the

Robin Hoods of Santa Barbara Forest to steal from the robber barons

who own the castles of capitalism. It implies that the reader

already is “ideologically set,” in that he understands corporate

feudalism as the only robbery worthy of being called “crime,” for

it is committed against the people as a whole. Whether the ways it

describes to rip-off shit are legal or illegal is irrelevant. The

dictionary of law is written by the bosses of order. Our moral

dictionary says no heisting from each other. To steal from a

brother or sister is evil. To not steal from the institutions that

are the pillars of the Pig Empire is equally immoral.

Community within our Nation, chaos in theirs; that is the

message of SURVIVE!

We cannot survive without learning to fight and that is the

lesson in the second section. FIGHT! separates revolutionaries

from outlaws. The purpose of part two is not to fuck the system,

but destroy it. The weapons are carefully chosen. They are

“home-made,” in that they are designed for use in our unique

electronic jungle. Here the uptown reviewer will find ample proof

of our “violent” nature. But again, the dictionary of law fails us.

Murder in a uniform is heroic, in a costume it is a crime. False

advertisements win awards, forgers end up in jail. Inflated prices

guarantee large profits while shoplifters are punished. Politicians

conspire to create police riots and the victims are convicted in

the courts. Students are gunned down and then indicted by suburban

grand juries as the trouble-makers. A modern, highly mechanized

army travels 9,000 miles to commit genocide against a small nation

of great vision and then accuses its people of aggression.

Slumlords allow rats to maim children and then complain of violence

in the streets. Everything is topsy-turvy. If we internalize the

language and imagery of the pigs, we will forever be fucked. Let me

illustrate the point. Amerika was built on the slaughter of a

people. That is its history. For years we watched movie after movie

that demonstrated the white man’s benevolence. Jimmy Stewart, the

epitome of fairness, puts his arm around Cochise and tells how the

Indians and the whites can live in peace if only both sides will be

reasonable, responsible and rational (the three R’s imperialists

always teach the “natives”). “You will find good grazing land on

the other side of the mountain,” drawls the public relations man.

“Take your people and go in peace.” Cochise as well as millions of

youngsters in the balcony of learning, were being dealt off the

bottom of the deck. The Indians should have offed Jimmy Stewart in

every picture and we should have cheered ourselves hoarse. Until we

understand the nature of institutional violence and how it

manipulates values and mores to maintain the power of the few, we

will forever be imprisoned in the caves of ignorance. When we

conclude that bank robbers rather than bankers should be the

trustees of the universities, then we begin to think clearly. When

we see the Army Mathematics Research and Development Center and the

Bank of Amerika as cesspools of violence, filling the minds of our

young with hatred, turning one against another, then we begin to

think revolutionary.

Be clever using section two; clever as a snake. Dig the spirit

of the struggle. Don’t get hung up on a sacrifice trip. Revolution

is not about suicide, it is about life. With your fingers probe the

holiness of your body and see that it was meant to live. Your body

is just one in a mass of cuddly humanity. Become an

internationalist and learn to respect all life. Make war on

machines, and in particular the sterile machines of corporate death

and the robots that guard them. The duty of a revolutionary is to

make love and that means staying alive and free. That doesn’t allow

for cop-outs. Smoking dope and hanging up Che’s picture is no more

a commitment than drinking milk and collecting postage stamps. A

revolution in consciousness is an empty high without a revolution

in the distribution of power. We are not interested in the greening

of Amerika except for the grass that will cover its grave.

Section three - LIBERATE! - concerns itself with efforts to

free stuff (or at least make it cheap) in four cities. Sort of a

quick U.S. on no dollars a day. It begins to scratch the potential

for a national effort in this area. Since we are a nation of

gypsies, dope on how to move around and dig in anywhere is always

needed. Together we can expand this section. It is far from

complete, as is the entire project. Incomplete chapters on how to

identify police agents, steal a car, run day-care centers, conduct

your own trial, organize a G.I. coffee house, start a rock and roll

band and make neat clothes, are scattered all over the floor of the

cell. The book as it now stands was completed in the late summer of

1970. For three months manuscripts made the rounds of every major

publisher. In all, over 30 rejections occurred before the decision

to publish the book ourselves was made, or rather made for us.

Perhaps no other book in modern times presented such a dilemma.

Everyone agreed the book would be a commercial success. But even

greed had its limits, and the IRS and FBI following the manuscript

with their little jive rap had a telling effect. Thirty “yeses”

become thirty “noes” after “thinking it over.” Liberals, who

supposedly led the fight against censorship, talked of how the book

“will end free speech.”

Finally the day we were bringing the proofs to the printer,

Grove consented to act as distributor. To pull a total solo trip,

including distribution, would have been neat, but such an effort

would be doomed from the start. We had tried it before and blew it.

In fact, if anyone is interested in 4,000 1969 Yippie calendars,

they’ve got a deal. Even with a distributor joining the fight, the

battle will only begin when the books come off the press. There is

a saying that “Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one.”

In past eras, this was probably the case, but now, high speed

methods of typesetting, offset printing and a host of other

developments have made substantial reductions in printing costs.

Literally anyone is free to print their own works. In even the most

repressive society imaginable, you can get away with some form of

private publishing. Because Amerika allows this, does not make it

the democracy Jefferson envisioned. Repressive tolerance is a real

phenomenon. To talk of true freedom of the press, we must talk of

the availability of the channels of communication that are designed

to reach the entire population, or at least that segment of the

population that might participate in such a dialogue. Freedom of

the press belongs to those that own the distribution system.

Perhaps that has always been the case, but in a mass society where

nearly everyone is instantaneously plugged into a variety of

national communications systems, wide-spread dissemination of the

information is the crux of the matter. To make the claim that the

right to print your own book means freedom of the press is to

completely misunderstand the nature of a mass society. It is like

making the claim that anyone with a pushcart can challenge Safeway

supermarkets, or that any child can grow up to be president.

State legislators, librarians, PTA members, FBI agents,

church-goers, and parents: a veritable legion of decency and order

already is on the march. To get the book to you might be the

biggest challenge we face. The next few months should prove really

exciting.

Obviously such a project as Steal This Book could not have

been carried out alone. Izak Haber shared the vision from the

beginning. He did months of valuable research and contributed many

of the survival techniques. Carole Ramer and Gus Reichbach of the

New York Law Commune guided the book through its many stages. Anna

Kaufman Moon did almost all the photographs. The cartoonists who

have made contributions include Ski Williamson and Gilbert Sheldon.

Tom Forcade, of the UPS, patiently did the editing. Bert Cohen of

Concert Hall did the book’s graphic design. Amber and John Wilcox

set the type. Anita Hoffman and Lynn Borman helped me rewrite a

number of sections. There are others who participated in the

testing of many of the techniques demonstrated in the following

pages and for obvious reasons have to remain anonymous. There were

perhaps over 50 brothers and sisters who played particularly vital

roles in the grand conspiracy. Some of the many others are listed

on the following page. We hope to keep the information up to date.

If you have comments, law suits, suggestions or death threats,

please send them to: Dear Abbie P.0. Box 213, Cooper Station,

New York, NY 10003. Many of the tips might not work in your area,

some might be obsolete by the time you get to try them out, and

many addresses and phone numbers might be changed. If the reader

becomes a participating researcher then we will have achieved our

purpose.

Watch for a special edition called Steal This White House,

complete with blueprints of underground passages, methods of

jamming the communications network and a detailed map of the

celebrated room where according to Tricia Nixon, “Daddy loves to

listen to Mantovanni records, turn up the air conditioner full

blast, sit by the fireplace, gaze out the window to the Washington

Monument and meditate on those difficult problems that face all the

peoples of this world.”

December, 1970

Cook County Jail

Chicago

“FREE SPEECH IS THE RIGHT TO SHOUT

‘THEATER’ IN A CROWDED FIRE.”

- A YIPPIE PROVERB

AIDING AND ABETTING

Tim Leary, Tom, Geronimo, Pearl Paperhanger, Sonny, Pat

Solomon, Allan Katzman, Jacob Kohn, Nguyen Van Troi, Susan, Marty,

Andy, Ami, Marshall Bloom, Viva, Ben, Oanh, Robin Palmer, Mom and

Dad, Janie Fonda, Jerry, Denis, LNS, Bernadine Dohrn, a wall in

Harvard Square, Nancy, an anonymous stewardess, Shirley Wonderful,

Roz, Gumbo, Janis, Jimi, Dylan Liberation Front, Jeannie, God

Slick, John, David, Rusty, Barney, Richard, Denny, Ron Cobb, the

entire Viet Cong, Sam Shephard, Ma Bell, Eric, David, Joe, Kim

Agnew, the Partridge Family, Carol, Alan Ginsburg, Woman’s Lib,

Julius Lester, Lenny Bruce, Hack, Billy, Paul, Willy, Colleen, Sid,

Johnny Appleseed, the Rat, Craig, Che, Willie Sutton, Wanda, EVO,

Jeff, Crazy Horse, Huey, Casey, Bobby, Alice, Mao, Rip, Ed, Bob,

Gay Liberation Front, WPAX, Frank Dudock, Manny, Mungo, Lottie,

Rosemary, Marshall, Rennie, Judy, Jennifer, Mr. Martin, Keith,

Madame Binh, Mike, Eleanor, Dr. Spock, Afeni, Candice, the

Tupamaros, Berkeley Tribe, Gilbert Sheldon, Stanley Kubrick, Sam,

Anna, Skip Williamson, UPS, Andy Stapp, the Yippies, Richard

Brautigan, Jano, Carlos Marighella, the Weathermen, Julius Jennings

Hoffman, Quentin, the inmates of TIER A-l Cook County Jail,

Houdini, 37, Rosa Luxemberg, the Kent 25, the Chicago 15, the New

York 21, the Motor City 3, the Indianapolis 500, Jack, Joan,

Malcolm X, Mayakovsky, Dotson, R. Crumb, Daniel Clyne, Justin, The

FBI Top 10 (now 16), Unis, Dana, Jim Morrison, Brian, John, Gus,

Ruth, Nancy Unger, Pun, Jomo, Peter, Mark Rudd, Billy Kunstler,

Genie, Ken, the Law Commune, Paula, Robby, Terry, Dianna, Angela,

Ted, Phil, Jefferson Airplane, Len, Tricky Prickers, the Berrigans,

Stu, Rayanne, J.B., Jonathan Jackson, the Armstrong Brothers,

Homer, Sharon, Fred Hampton, Jean Jacques Lebel, A. H. Maslow,

Hanoi Rose, Sylvia, Fellini, Amaru, Ann Fettamen, Artaud, Bert,

Merrill, Lynne, and last but not least to Spiro what’s his name who

provided the incentive.

SURVIVE!

FREE FOOD

RESTAURANTS

In a country such as Amerika, there is bound to be a

hell-of-a-lot food lying around just waiting to be ripped off. If

you want to live high off the hog without having to do the dishes,

restaurants are easy pickings. In general, many of these targets

are easier marks if you are wearing the correct uniform. You should

always have one suit or fashionable dress outfit hanging in the

closet for the proper heists. Specialized uniforms, such as nun and

priest garb, can be most helpful. Check out your local uniform

store for a wide range of clothes that will get you in, and

especially out, of all kinds of stores. Every movement organization

should have a prop and costume department.

In every major city there are usually bars that cater to the

New Generation type riff-raff, trying to hustle their way up the

escalator of Big Business. Many of these bars have a buffet or

hors-d’oeuvres served free as a come-on to drink more mindless

booze. Take a half-empty glass from a table and use it as a prop to

ward off the anxious waitress. Walk around sampling the free food

until you’ve had enough. Often, there are five or six such bars in

close proximity, so moving around can produce a delightful “street

smorgasbord.” Dinner usually begins at 5:00 PM.

If you are really hungry, you can go into a self-service

cafeteria and finish the meal of someone who left a lot on the

plate. Self-service restaurants are usually good places to cop

things like mustard, ketchup, salt, sugar, toilet paper, silverware

and cups for home use. Bring an empty school bag and load up after

you’ve cased the joint. Also, if you can stomach the food, you can

use slugs at the automat. Finishing leftovers can be worked in even

the fanciest of restaurants. When you are seated at a place where

the dishes still remain, chow-down real quick. Then after the

waitress hands you the menu, say you have to meet someone outside

first, and leave.

There are still some places where you can get all you can eat

for a fixed price. The best of these places are in Las Vegas. Sew a

plastic bag onto your tee-shirt or belt and wear a loose-fitting

jacket or coat to cover any noticeable bulge. Fried chicken is the

best and the easiest to pocket, or should we say bag. Another trick

is to pour your second free cup of hot coffee into the plastic bag

sewed inside your pocket and take it with you.

At large take-out stands you can say you or your brother just

picked up an order of fifteen hamburgers or a bucket of chicken,

and got shorted. We have never seen or heard of anybody getting

turned down using this method. If you want to get into a grand food

heist from take-out stands, you can work the following nervy bit:

from a pay phone, place an order from a large delivery restaurant.

Have the order sent to a nearby apartment house. Wait a few minutes

in the booth after you’ve hung up, as they sometimes call back to

confirm the order. When the delivery man goes into the apartment

house to deliver the order, you can swipe the remaining orders that

are still in his truck.

In fancy sit-down restaurants, you can order a large meal and

halfway through the main course, take a little dead cockroach or a

piece of glass out of your pocket and place it deftly on the plate.

Jump up astonished and summon the headwaiter. “Never have I been so

insulted. I could have been poisoned” you scream slapping down the

napkin. You can refuse to pay and leave, or let the waiter talk you

into having a brand new meal on the house for this terrible

inconvenience.

In restaurants where you pay at the door just before leaving,

there are a number of free-loading tricks that can be utilized.

After you’ve eaten a full meal and gotten the check, go into the

restroom. When you come out go to the counter or another section of

the restaurant and order coffee and pie. Now you have two bills.

Simply pay the cheaper one when you leave the place. This can be

worked with a friend in the following way. Sit next to each other

at the counter. He should order a big meal and you a cup of coffee.

Pretend you don’t know each other. When he leaves, he takes your

check and leaves the one for the large meal on the counter. After

he has paid the cashier and left the restaurant, you pick up the

large check, and then go into the astonishment routine, complaining

that somebody took the wrong check. You end up only paying for your

coffee. Later, meet your partner and reverse the roles in another

place.

In all these methods, you should leave a good tip for the

waiter or waitress, especially with the roach-in-the-plate gambit.

You should try to avoid getting the employees in trouble or

screwing them out of a tip.

One fantastic method of not only getting free food but getting

the best available is the following technique that can be used in

metropolitan areas. Look in a large magazine shop for gourmet

digests and tourist manuals. Swipe one or two and copy down a good

name from the masthead inside the cover. Making up a name can also

work. Next invest $5.00 to print business cards with the name of

the magazine and the new “associate editor.” Call or simply drop

into a fancy restaurant, show a copy of the magazine and present

the manager with your card. They will insist that the meal be on

the house.

Great places to get fantastic meals are weddings,

bar-mitzvahs, testimonials and the like. The newspaper society

sections have lists of weddings and locations. If your city has a

large Jewish population, subscribe to the newspaper that services

the Jewish community. There are extensive lists in these papers of

family occasions where tons of good food is served. Show up at the

back of the synagogue a few hours after the affair has begun with a

story of how you’d like to bring some leftovers of “good Jewish

food” back to your fraternity or sorority. If you want to get the

food served to you out front, you naturally have to disguise

yourself to look straight. Remarks such as, “I’m Marvin’s cousin,”

or learning the bride’s name, “Gee, Dorothy looks marvelous” are

great. Lines like “Betty doesn’t look pregnant” are frowned upon. A

man and woman team can work this free-load much better than a

single person as they can chatter back and forth while stuffing

themselves.

If you’re really into a classy free meal, and you are in a

city with a large harbor, check out the passenger ship section in

the back pages of the newspaper. There you find the schedule of

departures for ocean cruises. Most trips (these kind, anyway) begin

with a fantastic bon voyage party on board ship. Just walk on a few

hours before departure time and start swinging. Champagne, caviar,

lobster, shrimp and more, all as free as the open seas. If you get

really bombed and miss getting off, you can also wiggle a ride

across the ocean. You get sent back as soon as you hit the other

side, but it’s a free ocean cruise. You should have a pretty good

story ready to go, or you might end up rowing in the galley.

Another possibility for getting a free meal is to go down to

the docks and get friendly with a sailor. He can often invite you

for dinner on board ship. Foreign sailors are more than glad to

meet friends and you can get great foreign dinners this way.

FOOD PROGRAMS

In Amerika, there is a national food stamp program that

unfortunately is controlled by the states. Many states, for racist

reasons, do not want to make it too available or to publicize the

fact that it even exists. It is a much better deal than the food

program connected with welfare, because you can use the stamps to

buy any kind of food. The only items excluded are tobacco products

and alcoholic beverages. In general, you can qualify if you earn

less than $165 per month; the less you earn, the more stamps you

can receive. There is minimal hassle involved once you get by the

first hurdle. Show up at your local food stamp office, which can be

found by calling the Welfare Department in our city. Make an

appointment to see a representative for your area. They will tell

you to bring all sorts of receipts, but the only thing you need are

a few rent stubs for the most recent months. An array of various

receipt books is a nice supplement to one’s prop room. If the

receipts are for a high rent, tell them you rent a room from a

group of people and eat separately. They really only want to prove

that you have cooking facilities. Once you get the stamps, you can

pick them up regularly. Some states even mail them to your pad. You

can get up to a hundred dollars worth of free purchases a month per

person in the most liberal states.

Large amounts of highly nutritional food can be gotten for as

little as three cents per meal from a non-profit organization

called Multi-Purpose Food for Millions Foundation, Inc., 1800

Olympic Ave., Santa Monica, California. Write and they will send

you details.

SUPERMARKETS

Talking about food in Amerika means talking about

supermarkets-mammoth neon lighted streets of food packaged to

hoodwink the consumers. Many a Yippie can be found in the aisles,

stuffing his pockets with assorted delicacies. We have been

shoplifting from supermarkets on a regular basis without raising

the slightest suspicion, ever since they began.

We are not alone, and the fact that so much stealing goes on

and the supermarkets still bring in huge profits shows exactly how

much overcharging has occurred in the first place. Supermarkets,

like other businesses, refer to shoplifting as “inventory

shrinkage.” It’s as if we thieves were helping Big Business reduce

weight. So let’s view our efforts as methods designed to trim the

economy and push forward with a positive attitude.

Women should never go shopping without a large handbag. In

those crowded aisles, especially the ones with piles of cases, all

sorts of goodies can be transferred from shopping cart to handbag.

A drop bag can be sewn inside a trench coat, for more efficient

thievery. Don’t worry about the mirrors; attendants never look at

them. Become a discriminating shopper and don’t stuff any of the

cheap shit in your pockets.

Small bottles and jars often have the same size cap as the

larger expensive sizes. If they have the price stamped on the cap,

switch caps, getting the larger size for the cheaper price. You can

empty a pound box of margarine and fill it with sticks of butter.

Small narrow items can be hidden in the middle of rolls of toilet

paper. Larger supermarkets sell records. You can sneak two good

LP’s into one of those large frozen pizza boxes. In the produce

department, there are bags for fruit and vegetables. Slip a few

steaks or some lamb chops into the bottom of a large brown bag and

pile some potatoes on top. Have a little man in the white coat

weigh the bag, staple it and mark the price. With a black crayon

you can mark your own prices, or bring your own adhesive price

tags.

It’s best to work shoplifting in the supermarket with a

partner who can act as look-out and shield you from the eyes of

nosy employees, shoppers and other crooks trying to pick up some

pointers. Work out a prearranged set of signals with your partner.

Diversions, like knocking over displays, getting into fist fights

with the manager, breaking plate glass windows and such are

effective and even if you don’t get anything they’re fun. Haven’t

you always wanted to knock over those carefully constructed

nine-foot pyramids of garbage?

You can walk into a supermarket, get a few items from the

shelves, and walk around eating food in the aisles. Pick up some

cherries and eat them. Have a spoon in your pocket and open some

yogurt. Open a pickle or olive jar. Get some sliced meat or cheese

from the delicatessen counter and eat it up, making sure to ditch

the wrapper. The cart full of items, used as a decoy, can just be

left in an aisle before you leave the store.

Case the joint before pulling a big rip-off. Know the least

crowded hours, learn the best aisles to be busy in, and check out

the store’s security system. Once you get into shoplifting in

supermarkets, you’ll really dig it. You’ll be surprised to learn

that the food tastes better.

Large scale thievery can best be carried out with the help of

an employee. Two ways we know of work best. A woman can get a job

as a cashier and ring up a small bill as her brothers and sisters

bring home tons of stuff.

The method for men involves getting a job loading and

unloading trucks in the receiving department. Some accomplices

dressed right can just pull in and, with your help, load up on a

few cases. Infiltrating an employee into a store is probably the

best way to steal. Cashiers, sales clerks, shippers, and the like

are readily available jobs with such high turnover and low pay that

little checking on your background goes on. Also, you can learn

what you have to do in a few days. The rest of the week, you can

work out ways to clean out the store. After a month or so of action

you might want to move on to another store before things get heavy.

We know one woman working as a cashier who swiped over $500 worth

of food a week. She had to leave after a month because her boss

thought she was such an efficient cashier that he insisted on

promoting her to a job that didn’t have as many fringe benefits for

her and her friends.

Large chain stores like Safeway throw away day-old vegetables,

the outer leaves of lettuce, celery and the like. This stuff is

usually found in crates outside the back of the building. Tell them

you’re working with animals at the college labs, or that you raise

guinea pigs. They might even get into saving them for you, but if

they don’t just show up before the garbage is collected, (generally

early in the morning), and they’ll let you cart away what you want.

Dented cans and fruit can often be gotten free, but certainly

at a reduced rate. They are still as good as the undamaged ones. So

be sure to dent all your cans before you go to the cashier.

Look up catering services and businesses that service

factories and office buildings with ready-made sandwiches. Showing

up at these places at the right times (catering services on late

Sunday night and sandwich dealers at 5:00 PM on weekdays) will

produce loads of good food. Legally, they have to dispose of the

food that’s left over. They would be more than happy to give it to

you if you spin a good story.

Butchers can be hustled for meat scraps with meat scraps with

a “for my dog” story, and bakeries can be asked for day-old rolls

and bread.

WHOLESALE MARKETS

Large cities all have a wholesale fruit and vegetable area

where often the workers will give you tons of free food just for

the asking. Get a good story together. Get some church stationery

and type a letter introducing yourself “to whom it may concern,” or

better still, wear some clerical garb. Orchards also make good

pickings just after the harvest has been completed.

Factories often will give you a case or two of free

merchandise for a “charitable” reason. Make some calls around town

and then go pick up the stuff at the end of the week. A great idea

is to get a good list of a few hundred large corporations around

the country by looking up their addresses at the library. Poor’s

Register of Companies, Directors and Executives has the most

complete list. Send them all letters complaining about how the last

box of cereal was only half full, or you found a dead fly in the

can of peaches. They often will send you an ample supply of items

just to keep you from complaining to your friends or worse, taking

them to court. Often you can get stuff sent to you by just telling

them how good their product is compared to the trash you see

nowadays. You know the type of letter - “Rice Krispies have had a

fantastic effect on my sexual prowess,” or “Your frozen asparagus

has given a whole new meaning to my life.” In general though, the

nasties get the best results.

Slaughterhouses usually have meat they will give away. They

are anxious to give to church children’s programs and things like

that. In most states, there is a law that if the slab of meat

touches the ground, they have to throw it away. Drop around meat

houses late in the day and trip a few trucks.

Fishermen always have hundreds of pounds of fish that have to

be thrown out. You can have as much as you can cart away, generally

just for the asking. Boats come in late in the afternoon and

they’ll give you some of the catch, or you can go to the markets

early in the morning when the fishing is best.

These methods of getting food in large quantities can only be

appreciated by those who have tried it. You will be totally baffled

by the unbelievable quantities of food that will be laid on you and

with the ease of panhandling.

Investing in a freezer will allow you to bi-weekly or even

monthly trips to the wholesale markets and you’ll get the freshest

foods to boot. Nothing can beat getting it wholesale for free. Or

is it free for wholesale? In any event, “bon appetit.”

FOOD CONSPIRACIES

Forming a food cooperative is one of the best ways to promote

solidarity and get every kind of food you need to survive real

cheap. It also provides a ready-made bridge for developing

alliances with blacks, Puerto Ricans, chicanos and other groups

fighting our common oppressor on a community level.

Call a meeting of about 20 communes, collectives or community

organizations. Set up the ground rules. There should be a hard-core

of really good hustlers that serve as the shopping or hunting party

and another group of people who have their heads together enough to

keep records and run the central distribution center. Two or three

in each group should do it. They can get their food free for the

effort. Another method is to rotate the activity among all members

of the conspiracy. The method you choose depends upon your politics

and whether you favor a division of labor or using the food

conspiracy as a training for collective living. Probably a blend of

the two is best, but you’ll have to hassle that out for yourself.

The next thing to agree upon is how the operation and all the shit

you get will be paid for. This is dependent on a number of

variables, so we’ll map out one scheme and you can modify it to

suit your particular situation. Each member of every commune could

be assessed a fee for joining. You want to get together about

$2,000, so at 200 members, this is ten bucks a piece. After the

joining fee, each person or group has to pay only for the low

budget food they order, but some loot is needed to get things

rolling. The money goes to getting a store front or garage, a cheap

truck, some scales, freezers, bags, shelving, chopping blocks,

slicer and whatever else you need. You can get great deals by

looking in the classified ads of the local overground newspaper and

checking for restaurants or markets going out of business. Remember

the idea of a conspiracy is to get tons of stuff at real low prices

or free into a store front, and then break it down into smaller

units for each group and eventually each member. The freezers allow

you to store perishables for a longer time.

The hunting party should be well acquainted with how to rip

off shit totally free and where all the best deals are to be found.

They should know what food is seasonal and about nutritional diets.

There is a lot to learn, such as where to get raw grains in 100

pounds lots and how to cut up a side of beef. A good idea is to get

a diet freak to give weekly talks in the store front. There can

also be cooking lessons taught, especially to men, so women can get

out of the kitchen.

Organizing a community around a basic issue of survival, such

as food, makes a lot of nitty gritty sense. After your conspiracy

gets off the ground and looks permanent, you should seek to expand

it to include more members and an emergency food fund should be set

up in case something happens in the community. There should also be

a fund whereby the conspiracy can sponsor free community dinners

tied into celebrations. Get it together and join the fight for a

world-wide food conspiracy. Seize the steak!

CHEAP CHOW

There are hundreds of good paperback cook books with

nutritional cheap recipes available in any bookstore. Cooking is a

vastly overrated skill. The following are a few all-purpose dishes

that are easy to make, nutritional and cheap as mud pies. You can

add or subtract many of the ingredients for variety.

Hog Farm Granola Breakfast (Road Hog Crispies)

¸ c millet 2 c raw oats

¸ c cracked wheat 1 c rye flakes

¸ c buckwheat groats 1 c wheat flakes

¸ c wheat germ 1 c dried fruits and/or nuts

¸ c sunflower seeds 3 tbs soy oil

¹ c sesame seeds 1 c honey

2 tbs cornmeal

Boil the millet in a double boiler for 1/2 hour. Mix in a large

bowl all the ingredients including the millet. The soy oil and

honey should be heated in a saucepan over a low flame until bubbles

form. Spread the cereal in a baking pan and cover with the honey

syrup. Toast in oven until brown. Stir once or twice so that all

the cereal will be toasted. Serve plain or with milk. Refrigerate

portion not used in a covered container. Enough for ten to twenty

people. Make lots and store for later meals. All these ingredients

can be purchased at any health store in a variety of quantities.

You can also get natural sugar if you need a sweetener. If bought

and made in quantity, this fantastically healthy breakfast food

will be cheaper than the brand name cellophane that passes for

cereal.

Whole Earth Bread

1 c oats, corn meal, or wheat germ 2 tsp salt

1¸ c water (warm) 2 egg yolks

¹ c sugar (raw is best) 4 c flour

1 pkg active dry yeast _ c corn oil

1 c dry milk or butter

Stir lightly in a large bowl the oats, cornmeal or wheat germ

(depending on the flavor bread you desire), the water and sugar.

Sprinkle in the yeast and wait 10 minutes for the yeast to do its

thing. Add salt, egg yolks, corn oil and dry milk. Mix with a fork.

Blend in the flour. The dough should be dry and a little lumpy.

Cover with a towel and leave in a warm place for a half hour. Now

mash, punch, blend and kick the dough and return it covered to its

warm place. The dough will double in size. When this happens,

separate the dough into two even masses and mash each one into a

greased bread (loaf) pan. Cover the pans and let sit until the

dough rises to the top of the pans. Bake for 40-45 minutes in a 350

degree oven that has not been pre-heated. A shallow tray of water

in the bottom of the oven will keep the bread nice and moist. When

you remove the pans from the oven, turn out the bread into a rack

and let it cool off. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll never

touch ready-made bread, and it’s a gas seeing yeast work.

Street Salad

Salad can be made by chopping up almost any variety of

vegetables, nuts and fruits including the stuff you panhandled at

the back of supermarkets; dandelions, shav, and other wild

vegetables; and goods you ripped off inside stores or from large

farms. A neat fresh dressing consists of one part of oil, two parts

wine vinegar, finely chopped garlic cloves, salt and pepper. Mix up

the ingredients in a bottle and add to the salad as you serve it.

Russian dressing is simply mayonnaise and ketchup mixed.

Yippie Yogurt

Yogurt is one of the most nutritional foods in the world. The

stuff you buy in stores has preservatives added to it reducing its

health properties and increasing the cost. Yogurt is a bacteria

that spreads throughout a suitable culture at the correct

temperature. Begin by going to a Turkish or Syrian restaurant and

buying some yogurt to go. Some restaurants boast of yogurt that

goes back over a hundred years. Put it in the refrigerator.

Now prepare the culture in which the yogurt will multiply. The

consistency you want will determine what you use. A milk culture

will produce thin yogurt, while sweet cream will make a thicker

batch. It’s the butter fat content that determines the consistency

and also the number of calories. Half milk and half cream combines

the best of both worlds. Heat a quart of half and half on a low

flame until just before the boiling point and remove from the

stove. This knocks out other bacteria that will compete with the

yogurt. Now take a tablespoon of the yogurt you got from the

restaurant and place it in the bottom of a bowl (not metal). Now

add the warm liquid. Cover the bowl with a lid and wrap tightly

with a heavy towel. Place the bowl in a warm spot such as on top of

a radiator or in a sunny window. A turned-off oven with a tray of

boiling water placed in it will do well. Just let the bowl sit for

about 8 hours (overnight). The yogurt simply grows until the whole

bowl is yogurt. Yippie! It will keep in the refrigerator for about

two weeks before turning sour, but even then, the bacteria will

produce a fresh batch of top quality. Remember when eating it to

leave a little to start the next batch. For a neat treat add some

honey and cinnamon and mix into the yogurt before serving. Chopped

fruit and nuts are also good.

Rice and Cong Sauce

1 c brown rice vegetables

2 c water 2¸ tbs soy sauce

tsp salt

Bring the water to a boil in a pot and add the salt and rice.

Cover and reduce flame. Cooking time is about 40 minutes or until

rice has absorbed all the water. Meanwhile, in a well-greased

frying pan, saute a variety of chopped vegetables you enjoy. When

they become soft and brownish, add salt and 2 cups of water. Cover

with a lid and lower flame. Simmer for about 40 minutes, peeking to

stir every once in a while. Then add 2 1/2 tbs of soy sauce, stir

and cook another 10 minutes. The rice should be just cooling off

now, so add the sauce to the top of it and serve. Great for those

long guerrilla hikes. This literally makes up almost the entire

diet of the National Liberation Front fighter.

Weatherbeans

1 lb red kidney beans 2 tbs parsley (chopped)

2 quarts water ¸ lb pork, smoked sausage

1 onion (chopped) or ham hock

1 tbs celery (chopped) 1 lg bay leaf

1 tsp garlic (minced) salt to season

Rinse the beans, then place in covered pot and add water and

salt. Cook over low flame. While cooking, chop up meat and brown in

a frying pan. Add onion, celery, garlic and parsley and continue

sauteing over low flame. Add the pieces of meat, vegetables and bay

leaf to the beans and cook covered for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. It may be

necessary to add more water if the beans get too dry. Fifteen

minutes before beans are done, mash about a half cup of the stuff

against the side of the pan to thicken the liquid. Pour the beans

and liquid over some steaming rice that you’ve made by following

the directions above. This should provide a cheap nutritional meal

for about 6 people.

Hedonist’s Deluxe

2 lobsters 2 qts water

seaweed ¹ lb butter

Steal two lobsters, watching out for the claw thingies. Beg

some seaweed from any fish market. Cop the butter using the

switcheroo method described in the Supermarket section above. When

you get home, boil the water in a large covered pot and drop in the

seaweed and then the lobsters. Put the cover back on and cook for

about 20 minutes. Melt the butter in a sauce pan and dip the

lobster pieces in it as you eat. With a booster box, described

later you’ll be able to rip off a bottle of vintage Pouilly-Fuisse

in a fancy liquor store. Really, rice is nice but…

FREE CLOTHING & FURNITURE

FREE CLOTHING

If shoplifting food seems easy, it’s nothing compared to the

snatching of clothing. Shop only the better stores. Try thing on in

those neat secluded stalls. The less bulky items such as shirts,

vests, belts and socks can be tied around your waist or leg with

large rubber bands if needed. Just take a number of items in and

come out with a few less.

In some cities there are still free stores left over from the

flower power days. Churches often have give-away clothing programs.

You can impersonate a clergyman and call one of the large clothing

manufacturers in your area. They are usually willing to donate a

case or two of shirts, trousers or underwear to your church raffle

or drive to dress up skid row. Be sure to get your sizes. Tell them

“your boy” will pick up the blessed donation and you’ll mention his

company in the evening prayers.

If you notice people moving from an apartment or house, ask

them if they’ll be leaving behind clothing. They usually abandon

all sorts of items including food, furniture and books. Offer to

help them carry out stuff if you can keep what they won’t be

taking.

Make the rounds of a fancy neighborhood with a truck and some

friends. Ring doorbells and tell the person who answers that you

are collecting wearable clothing for the “poor homeless victims of

the recent tidal wave in Quianto a small village in Saudi Arabia.”

You get the pitch. Make it food and clothing, and say you’re with a

group called Heartline for Decency. A phony letter from a church

might help here.

The Salvation Army does this, and you can pick up clothes from

them at very cheap prices. You can get a pair of snappy casual

shoes for 25 cents in many bowling alleys by walking out with them

on your feet. If you have to leave your shoes as a deposit, leave

the most beat-up pair you can find.

Notice if your friends have lost or gained weight. A big

change means a lot of clothes doing nothing but taking up closet

space. Show up at dormitories when college is over for the summer

or winter season. Go to the train or bus stations and tell them you

left your raincoat, gloves or umbrella when you came into town.

They’ll take you to a room with thousands of unclaimed items. Pick

out what you like. While there, notice a neat suitcase or trunk and

memorize the markings. Later a friend can claim the item. There

will be loads of surprises in any suitcase. We have a close friend

who inherited ten kilos of grass this way.

Large laundry and dry cleaning chains usually have thousands

of items that have gone unclaimed. Manufacturers also have shirts,

dresses and suits for rockbottom prices because of a crooked seam

or other fuck-up. Stores have reduced rates on display models:

Mannequins are mostly all size 40 for men and 10 for women. Size

7 1/2 is the standard display size for men’s shoes. If you are

these sizes, you can get top styles for less than half price.

SANDALS

The Vietnamese and people throughout the Third World make a

fantastically durable and comfortable pair of sandals out of rubber

tires. They cut out a section of the outer tire (trace around the

outside of the foot with a piece of chalk) which when trimmed forms

the sole. Next 6 slits re made in the sole so the rubber straps can

be criss-crossed and slid through the slits. The straps are made

out of inner tubing. No nails are needed. If you have wide feet,

use the new wide tread low profiles. For hard going, try radials.

For best satisfaction and quality, steal the tires off a pig car or

a government limousine.

Let’s face it, if you really are into beating the clothing

problem, move to a warm climate and run around naked. Skin is

absolutely free, and will always be in style. Speaking of style,

the midi and the maxi have obvious advantages when it comes to

shoplifting and transporting weapons or bombs.

FREE FURNITURE

Apartment lobbies are good for all kinds of neat furniture. If

you want to get fancy about it, rent a truck (not one that says

U-HAUL-IT or other rental markings) and make the pick-up with

moving-man-type uniforms. When schools are on strike and students

hold seminars and debate into the night, Yippies can be found going

through the dorm lobbies and storage closets hauling off couches,

desks, printing supplies, typewriters, mimeos, etc. to store in

secret underground nests. A nervy group of Yippies in the Midwest

tried to swipe a giant IBM 360 computer while a school was in

turmoil. All power to those that bring a wheelbarrow to sit-ins.

Check into a high-class hotel or motel remembering to dress

like the wallpaper. Carry a large dummy suitcase with you and

register under a phony name. Make sure you and not the bellboy

carry this bag. Use others as a decoy. When you get inside the

room, grab everything you can stuff in the suitcase: radio, T.V.

sets (even if it has a special plug you can cut it with a knife and

replace the cord), blankets, toilet paper, glasses, towels, sheets,

lamps, (forget the imitation Winslow Homer on the wall) a Bible,

soap and toss rugs. Before you leave (odd hours are best) hang the

DO NOT DISTURB sign on your doorknob. This will give you an extra

few hours to beat it across the border or check into a new hotel.

Landlords renovating buildings throw out stoves, tables,

lamps, refrigerators and carpeting. In most cities, each area has a

day designated for discarding bulk objects. Call the Sanitation

Department and say you live in that part of town which would be

putting out the most expensive shit and find out the pick-up day.

Fantastic buys can be found cruising the streets late at night.

Check out the backs of large department stores for floor models,

window displays and slightly damaged furniture being discarded.

Construction sites are a good source for building materials to

construct furniture. (Not to mention explosives.) The large wooden

cable spools make great tables. Cinderblocks, bricks and boards can

quickly be turned into a sharp looking bookcase. Doors make tables.

Nail kegs convert into stools or chairs. You can also always find a

number of other supplies hanging around like wiring, pipes,

lighting fixtures and hard hats. And don’t forget those blinking

signs and the red lanterns for your own light show. Those black

oil-fed burners are O.K. for cooking, although smoky, and highway

flares are swell for making fake dynamite bombs.

FREE TRANSPORTATION

HITCH-HIKING

Certainly one of the neatest ways of getting where you want to

go for nothing is to hitch. In the city it’s a real snap. Just

position yourself at a busy intersection and ask the drivers for a

lift when they stop for the red light. If you’re hitching on a road

where the traffic zooms by pretty fast, be sure to stand where the

car will have room to safely pull off the road. Traveling long

distances, even cross-country, can be easy if you have some sense

of what you are doing.

A lone hitch-hiker will do much better than two or more. A man

and woman will do very well together. Single women are certain to

get propositioned and possibly worse. Amerikan males have endless

sexual fantasies about picking up a poor lonesome damsel in

distress. Unless your karate and head are in top form, women should

avoid hitching alone. Telling men you have V.D. might help in

difficult situations.

New England and the entire West Coast are the best sections

for easy hitches. The South and Midwest can sometimes be a real

hassle. Easy Rider and all that. The best season to hitch is in the

summer. Daytime is much better than night. If you have to hitch at

night, get under some type of illumination where you’ll be seen.

Hitch-hiking is legal in most states, but remember you always

can get a “say-so” bust. A “say-so” arrest is to police what

Catch-22 is to the Army. When you ask why you’re under arrest, the

pig answers, “cause I say-so.” If you stand on the shoulder of the

road, the pigs won’t give you too bad a time. If you’ve got long

hair, cops will often stop to play games. You can wear a hat with

your hair tucked under to avoid hassles. However this might hurt

your ability to get rides, since many straights will pick up

hippies out of curiosity who would not pick up a straight scruffy

looking kid. Freak drivers usually only pick up other freaks.

Once in a while you hear stories of fines levied or even a few

arrests for hitching (Flagstaff, Arizona is notorious), but even in

the states where it is illegal, the law is rarely enforced. If

you’re stopped by the pigs, play dumb and they’ll just tell you to

move along. You can wait until they leave and then let your thumb

hang out again.

Hitchin on super highways is really far out. It’s illegal but

you won’t get hassled if you hitch at the entrances. On a fucked-up

exit, take your chances hitching right on the road, but keep a

sharp eye out for porkers. When you get a ride be discriminating.

Find out where the driver is headed. If you are at a good spot,

don’t take a ride under a hundred miles that won’t end up in a

location just as good. When the driver is headed to an

out-of-the-way place, ask him to let you off where you can get the

best rides. If he’s going to a particularly small town, ask him to

drive you to the other side of thy town line. It’s usually only a

mile or two. Small towns often enforce all sorts of “say-so”

ordinances. If you get stuck on the wrong side of town, it would be

wise to even hoof it through the place. Getting to a point on the

road where the cars are inter-city rather than local traffic is

always preferable.

When you hit the road you should have a good idea of how to

get where you are going. You can pick up a free map at any gas

station. Long distance routes, road conditions, weather and all

sorts of information can be gotten free by calling the American

Automobile Association in any city. Say that you are a member

driving to Phoenix, Arizona or wherever your destination is, and

find out what you want to know. Always carry a sign indicating

where you are going. If you get stranded on the road without one,

ask in a diner or gas station for a piece of cardboard and a magic

marker. Make the letters bold and fill them in so they can be seen

by drivers from a distance. If your destination is a small town,

the sign should indicate the state. For really long distances, EAST

or WEST is best. Unless, of course, you’re going north or south. A

phony foreign flag sewed on your pack also helps.

Carrying dope is not advisable, and although searching you is

illegal, few pigs can read the Constitution. If you are carrying

when the patrol car pulls up, tell them you are Kanadian and

hitching through Amerika. Highway patrols are very uptight about

promoting incidents with foreigners. The foreign bit goes over

especially well with small-town types, and is also amazingly good

for avoiding hassles with greasers. If you can’t hack this one,

tell them you are a reporter for a newspaper writing a feature

story on hitching around the country. This story has averted many a

bust.

Don’t be shy when you hitch. Go into diners and gas stations

and ask people if they’re heading East or to Texas. Sometimes gas

station attendants will help. When in the car be friendly as hell.

Offer to share the driving if you’ve got a license. If you’re

broke, you can usually bum a meal or a few bucks, maybe even a free

night’s lodging. Never be intimidated into giving money for a ride.

As for what to carry when hitching, the advice is to travel

light. The rule is to make up a pack of the absolute minimum, then

cut that in half. Hitching is an art form as is all survival.

Master it and you’ll travel on a free trip forever.

FREIGHTING

There is a way to hitch long distances that has certain

advantages over letting your thumb hang out for hours on some

two-laner. Learn about riding the trains and you’ll always have

that alternative. Hitchhiking at night can be impossible, but

hopping a is easier at night than by day. By hitchhiking days and

hopping freights and sleeping on them at night, you can cover

incredible distances rapidly and stay well rested. Every city and

most large towns have a freight yard. You can find it by following

the tracks or asking where the freight yard is located.

When you get to the yard, ask the workmen when the next train

leaving in your direction will be pulling out. Unlike the phony

Hollywood image, railroad men are nice to folks who drop by to grab

a ride. Most yards don’t have a guard or a “bull” as they are

called. Even if they do, he is generally not around. If there is a

bull around, the most he’s going to do is tell you it’s private

property and ask you to leave. There are exceptions to this rule,

such as the notorious Lincoln, Nebraska, and Las Vegas, Nevada, but

by asking you can find out. Even if he asks you to leave or throws

you out, sneak back when your train is pulling out and jump aboard.

After you’ve located the right train for your trip, hunt for

an empty boxcar to ride. The men in the yards will generally point

one out if you ask. Pig-sties, flat cars and coal cars are

definitely third class due to exposure to the elements. Boxcars are

by far the best. They are clean and the roof over your head helps

in bad weather and cuts down the wind. Boxcars with a hydro-cushion

suspension system used for carrying fragile cargo make for the

smoothest ride. Unless you get one, you should be prepared for a

pretty bumpy and noisy voyage.

You should avoid cars with only one door open, because the pin

may break, locking you in. A car with both doors open gives you one

free chance. Pig-backs (trailers on flatcars) are generally

considered unsafe. Most trains make a number of short hops, so if

time is an important factor try to get on a “hot shot” express. A

hot shot travels faster and has priority over other trains in

crowded yards. You should favor a hot shot even if you have to wait

an extra hour or two or more to get one going your way.

If you’re traveling at night, be sure to dress warmly. You can

freeze your ass off. Trains might not offer the most comfortable

ride, but they go through beautiful countryside that you’d never

see from the highway or airway. There are no billboards, road

signs, cops, Jack-in-the-Boxes, gas stations or other artifacts of

honky culture. You’ll get dirty on the trains so wear old clothes.

Don’t pass up this great way to travel cause some bullshit western

scared you out of it.

CARS

If you know how to drive and want to travel long distances,

the auto transportation agencies are a good deal. Look in the

Yellow Pages under Automobile Transportation and Trucking or

Driveway. Rules vary, but normally you must be over 21 and have a

valid license. Call up and tell them when and where you want to go

and they will let you know if they have a car available. They give

you the car and a tank of gas free. You pay the rest. Go to pick up

the car alone, then get some people to ride along and help with the

driving and expenses. You can make New York to San Francisco for

about eighty dollars in tolls and gas in four days without pushing.

Usually you have the car for longer and can make a whole thing out

of it. You must look straight when you go to the agency. This can

be simply be done by wetting down your hair and shoving it under a

cap.

Another good way to travel cheaply is to find somebody who has

a car and is going your way. Usually underground newspapers list

people who either want rides or riders. Another excellent place to

find information is your local campus. Every campus has a bulletin

board for rides. Head shops and other community-minded stores have

notices up on the wall.

Gas

If you have a car and need some gas late at night you can get

a quart and then some by emptying the hoses from the pumps into

your tank. There is always a fair amount of surplus gas left when

the pumps are shut off.

If your traveling in a car and don’t have enough money for gas

and tolls, stop at the bus station and see if anybody wants a lift.

If you find someone, explain your money situation and make a deal

with him. Hitch-hikers also can be asked to chip in on the gas.

You can carry a piece of tubing in the trunk of your car and

when the gas indicator gets low, pull up to a nice looking Cadillac

on some dark street and syphon off some of his gas. Just park your

car so the gas tank is next to the Caddy’s, or use a large can.

Stick the hose into his tank, suck up enough to get things flowing,

and stick the other end into your tank. Having a lower level of

liquid, you tank will draw gas until you and the Caddy are equal.

“To each according to his need, from each according to his

ability,” wrote Marx. Bet you hadn’t realized until now that the

law of gravity affects economics.

Another way is to park in a service station over their filler

hole. Lift off one lid (like a small manhole cover), run down

twenty feet of rubber tubing thru the hole you’ve cut in your

floorboard, then turn on the electric pump which you have installed

to feed into your gas tank. All they ever see is a parked car. This

technique is especially rewarding when you have a bus.

BUSES

If you’d rather leave the driving and the paying to them, try

swiping a ride on the bus. Here’s a method that has worked well.

Get a rough idea of where the bus has stopped before it arrived at

your station. If you are not at the beginning or final stop on the

route, wait until the bus you want pulls in and then out of the

station. Make like the bus just pulled off without you while you

went to the bathroom. If there is a station master, complain like

crazy to him. Tell him you’re going to sue the company if your

luggage gets stolen. He’ll put you on the next bus for free. If

there is no station master, lay your sad tale on the next driver

that comes along. If you know when the last bus left, just tell the

driver you’ve been stranded there for eight hours and you left your

kid sleeping on the other bus. Tell him you called ahead to the

company and they said to grab the next bus and they would take care

of it.

The next method isn’t totally free but close enough. It’s

called the hopper-bopper. Find a bus that makes a few stops before

it gets to where you want to go. The more stops with people getting

in our out the better. Buy a ticket for the short hop and stay on

the bus until you end up at your destination. You must develop a

whole style in order to pull this off because the driver has to

forget you are connected with the ticket you gave him. Dress

unobtrusively or make sure the driver hasn’t seen your face.

Pretend to be asleep when the short hop station is reached. If you

get questioned, just act upset about sleeping through the stop you

“really” want and ask if it’s possible to get a ride back.

AIRLINES

Up and away, junior outlaws! If you really want to get where

you’re going in a hurry, don’t forget skyjacker’s paradise. Don’t

forget the airlines. They make an unbelievable amount of bread on

their inflated prices, ruin the land with incredible amounts of

polluting wastes and noise, and deliberately hold back aviation

advances that would reduce prices and time of flight. We know two

foolproof methods to fly free, but unfortunately we feel publishing

them would cause the airlines to change their policy. The following

methods have been talked about enough, so the time seems right to

make them known to a larger circle of friends.

A word should be said right off about stolen tickets.

Literally millions of dollars worth of airline tickets are stolen

each year. If you have good underworld contacts, you can get a

ticket to anywhere you want at one-fourth the regular price. If you

are charged more, you are getting a slight rooking. In any case,

you can get a ticket for any flight or date and just trade it in.

They are actually as good as cash, except that it takes 30 days to

get a refund, and by then they might have traced the stolen

tickets. If you can get a stolen ticket, exchange or use it as soon

as possible, and always fly under a phony name. A stolen ticket for

a trip around the world currently goes for one hundred and fifty

dollars in New York.

One successful scheme requires access to the mailbox of a

person listed in the local phone book. Let’s use the name Ron Davis

as an example. A woman calls one of the airlines with a very

efficient sounding rap such as: “Hello, this is Mr. Davis’

secretary at Allied Chemical. He and his wife would like to fly to

Chicago on Friday. Could you mail two first-class tickets to his

home and bill us here at Allied?” Every major corporation probably

has a Ron Davis, and the airlines rarely bother checking anyway.

Order your tickets two days before you wish to travel, and pick

them up at the mailbox or address you had them sent to. If you are

uptight in the airport about the tickets, just go up to another

airline and have the tickets exchanged.

One gutsy way to hitch a free ride is to board the plane

without a ticket. This is how it works. Locate the flight you want

and rummage through a wastebasket until you find an envelope for

that particular airline. Shuffle by the counter men (which is

fairly easy if it’s busy). When the boarding call is made, stand in

line and get on the plane. Flash the empty envelope at the

stewardess as you board the plane. Carry a number of packages as a

decoy, so the stewardess won t ask you to open the envelope. If she

does, which is rare, and sees you have no ticket, act surprised.

“Oh my gosh, it must have fallen out in the wash room,” will do

fine. Run back down the ramp as if you’re going to retrieve the

ticket. Disappear and try later on a different airline. Nine out of

ten revolutionaries say it’s the only way to fly. This trick works

only on airlines that don’t use the boarding pass system.

If you want to be covered completely, use the hopper-bopper

method described in the section on Buses, with this added security

precaution. Buy two tickets from different cashiers, or better

still, one from an agent in town. Both will be on the same flight.

Only one ticket will be under a phony name and for the short hop,

white the ticket under your real name will be for your actual

destination. At the boarding counter, present the short hop ticket.

You will be given an envelope with a white receipt in it. Actually,

the white receipt is the last leaf in your ticket. Once you are

securely seated and aloft, take out the ticket with your name and

final destination. Gently peel away everything but the white

receipt. Place the still valid ticket back in your pocket. Now

remove from the envelope and destroy the short hop receipt. In its

place, put the receipt for the ticket you have in your pocket.

When you land at the short hop airport, stay on the plane.

Usually the stewardesses just ask you if you are remaining on the

flight. If you have to, you can actually show her your authentic

receipt. When you get to your destination, you merely put the

receipt back on the bonafide ticket that you still have in your

pocket. It isn’t necessary that they be glued together. Present the

ticket for a refund or exchange it for another ticket. This method

works well even in foreign countries. You can actually fly around

the world for $88.00 using the hopper-bopper method and switching

receipts.

If you can’t hack these shucks you should at least get a Youth

Card and travel for half fare. If you are over twenty-two but still

in your twenties, you can easily pass. Get a card from a friend who

has similar color hair and eyes. Your friend can easily get one

from another airline. You can master your friend’s signature and

get a supporting piece of identification from him to back up your

youth card if you find it necessary. If you have a friend who works

for an airline or travel agency, just get a card under your own

name and an age below the limit. Your friend can validate the card.

Flying youth fare is on stand-by, so it’s always a good idea to

call ahead and book a number of reservations under fictitious names

on the flight you’ll be taking. This will fuck up the booking of

regular passengers and insure you a seat.

By the way, if you fly cross-country a number of times, swipe

one of the plug-in head sets. Always remember to pack it in your

traveling bag. This way you’ll save a two dollar fee charged for

the in-flight movie. The headsets are interchangeable on all

airlines.

One way to fly free is to actually hitch a ride. Look for the

private plane area located at every airport, usually in some remote

part of the field. You can find it by noticing where the small

planes without airline markings take off and land. Go over to the

runways and ask around. Often the mechanics will let you know when

someone is leaving for your destination and point out a pilot. Tell

him you lost your ticket and have to get back to school. Single

pilots often like to have a passenger along and it’s a real gas

flying in a small plane.

Some foreign countries have special arrangements for free air

travel to visiting writers, artists or reporters. Brazil and

Argentina are two we know of for sure. Call or write the embassy of

the country you wish to visit in Washington or their mission to the

United Nations in New York. Writing works best, especially if you

can cop some stationery from a newspaper or publishing house. Tell

them you will be writing a feature story for some magazine on the

tourist spots or handcrafts of the country. The embassy will

arrange for you to travel gratis aboard one of their air force

planes. The planes leave only from Washington and New York at

unscheduled times. Once you have the O.K. letter from the embassy

you’re all set. This is definitely worth checking out if you want

to vacation in a foreign country with all sorts of free bonuses

thrown in.

A one-way ride is easy if you want to get into skyjacking.

Keep the piece or knife in your shoe to avoid possible detection

with the “metal scanner,” a long black tube that acts like a geiger

counter. Or use a plastic knife or bomb. It’s also advisable to

wrap your dope in a non-metallic material. Avoid tinfoil.

The crews have instructions to take you wherever you want to

go even if they have to refuel, but watch out for air marshals. To

avoid air marshals and searches pick an airline which flies short

domestic hops. You should plan to end up in a country hostile to

the United States or you’ll end up right back where you came from

in some sturdy handcuffs. One dude wanted to travel in style so he

demanded $100,000 as a going-away gift. The airlines quickly paid

off. The guy then got greedy and demanded a hundred million

dollars. When he returned to pick up the extra pocket money, he got

nabbed. None the less, skyjacking appears to be the cheapest,

fastest way to get away from it all.

IN CITY TRAVEL

Any of the public means of transportation can be ripped off

easily. Get on the bus with a large bill and present it after the

bus has left the stop. If the bus is crowded, slip in the back door

when it opens to dispatch passengers.

Two people can easily get through the turnstile in a subway on

one token by doubling up. In some subway systems cards are given

out to high school kids or senior citizens or employees of the

city. The next time you are in a subway station notice people

flashing cards to the man in the booth and entering through the

“exit” door. Notice the color of the card used by people in your

age group. Get a piece of colored paper in a stationery store or

find some card of the same color you need. Put this “card” in a

plastic window of your wallet and flash it in the same way those

with a bona fide pass do.

Before entering a turnstile, always test the swing bar. If

someone during the day put in an extra token, it’s still in the

machine waiting for you to enter free.

For every token and coin deposited in an automatic turnstile,

there is a foreign coin the same size for much less that will work

in the machine. (See the Yippie Currency Exchange, following, for

more info.) Buy a cheap bag of assorted foreign coins from a dealer

that you can locate in the Yellow Pages. Size up the coins with a

token from your subway system. You can get any of these coins in

bulk from a large dealer. Generally they are about l,000 for five

dollars. Tell him you make jewelry out of them if he gets

suspicious. Giving what almost amounts to free subway rides away is

a communal act of love. The best outlaws in the world rip-off shit

for a lot more people than just themselves. Robin Hood lives!

FREE LAND

Despite what you may have heard, there is still some rural

land left in Amerika. The only really free land is available in

Alaska and remote barren areas of the western states. The latest

information in this area is found in a periodic publication called

Our Public Lands, available from the Superintendent of Documents,

Washington, D.C. 20402. It costs $1.00 for a subscription. Also

contact the U.S. Department of the Interior, Bureau of Land

Management, Washington, D.C. 20240 and ask for information on

“homesteading.” By the time this book is out though, the Secretary

of the Interior’s friends in the oil companies might have stolen

all the available free land. Being an oil company is about the

easiest way to steal millions. Never call it stealing though,

always refer to it as “research and development.”

Continental United States has no good free land that we know

of, but there are some very low prices in areas suited for country

communities. Write to School of Living, Freeland, Maryland, for

their newspaper Green Revolution with the latest information in

this area. Canada has free land available, and the Canadian

government will send you a free list if you write to the Department

of Land and Forests, Parliament Building, Quebec City, Canada. Also

write to the Geographical Branch, Department of Mines and Technical

Surveys, Parliament Building, Quebec City, Canada. Correspondence

can be carried out with the Communications Group, 2630 Point Grey

Road, Vancouver 8, British Columbia, Canada, for advice on

establishing a community in Canada. The islands off the coast of

British Columbia, its western region and the area along the

Kootenai River are among the best locations.

If you just want to rip off some land, there are two ways to

do it; openly or secretly. If you are going to do it out front,

look around for a piece of land that’s in dispute, which has its

sovereignty in question-islands and deltas between the U.S. and

Canada, or between the U.S. and Mexico, or any number of other

borderline lands. You might even consider one of the abandoned

oil-drilling platforms, which are fair game under high seas salvage

laws. The possibilities are endless.

If you intend to do it quietly, you will want a completely

different type of location. Find a rugged area with lots of elbow

room and plenty of places to hide, like the Rocky Mountains,

Florida swamps, Death Valley, or New York City. Put together a

tight band of guerrillas and do your thing. With luck you will last

forever.

If you just want to camp out or try some hermit living in the

plushest surroundings available, you’ll do best to head for one of

the national parks. Since the parks are federal property, there’s

very little the local fuzz can do about you, and the forest rangers

are generally the live-and-let-live types, although there have been

increasing reports of long-hairs being vamped on by Smokey the Pig,

as in Yosemite. You can get a complete list from National Park

Service, Department of the Interior, Washington, D.C. 20240. The

following is a list of some good ones:

Â¥ ALABAMA-Russell Cave National Monument, Bridgeport 35740

Â¥ ARIZONA-Grand Canyon National Park, Box 129, Grand Canyon 86023

Â¥ ARKANSAS-Hot Springs National Park, Box 1219, Hot Springs 71901

Â¥ CALIFORNIA-Yosemite National Park, Box 577, Yosemite 95389*

Â¥ COLORADO-Rocky Mountain National Park, Estes Park, 80517

Â¥ FLORIDA-Everglades National Park, Box 279, Homestead 33030

Â¥ IDAHO-Boise National Forest, 413 Idaho Street, Boise 83702

Â¥ ILLINOIS-Shawnee National Forest,Harrisburg National Bank Building, Harrisburg 62946

Â¥ KENTUCKY-Mammoth Cave National Park, Mammoth Cave 42259

Â¥ LOUISIANA-Kisatchie National Forest, 2500 Shreveport Hwy., Pineville 71360

Â¥ MAINE-Acadia National Park, Box 338, Bar Harbor 04609

Â¥ MARYLAND-Assateague Island National Seashore, Rte. 2 Box 111, Berlin 21811

Â¥ MASSACHUSETTS-Cape Cod National Seashore, South Wellfleet 02663

Â¥ MICHIGAN-Hiawatha National Forest, Post Office Building, Escanaba 49829

Â¥ MISSOURI-Mark Twain National Forest, 304 Pershing St., Springfield 65806

Â¥ NEVADA-Lake Mead National Recreation Area, 601 Nevada Hwy, Boulder City 89005

Â¥ NEW MEXICO-Aztec Ruins National Monument, Route 1, Box 101, Aztec 87410

Â¥ NEW YORK-Fire Island National Seashore c/o New York City National Park Service Group, 28 E. 20th St., New York, NY 10003

Â¥ NORTH CAROLINA-Wright Brothers National Memorial Box 457, Manteo 27954

Â¥ OKLAHOMA-Platt National Park, Box 201, Sulphur 73086

Â¥ OREGON-Crater Lake National Park, Box 7, Crater Lake 97604

Â¥ UTAH-Bryce Canyon National Park, Bryce Canyon 84717

Â¥ WYOMING-Yellowstone National Park, Yellowstone Park 83020

*This summer Yosemite forest rangers tried to evict a group of

Yippies from their encampment. The Yippies rioted in the valley,

spooked the tourists, burned cars and fought for their right to

stay.

Earth People’s Park is an endeavor to purchase land and allow

people to come and live for free. They function as a clearing house

for people that want to donate land and those who wish to settle.

They own 600 acres in northern Vermont and are trying to raise

money to buy more. Write to Earth People’s Park, P.0. Box 313,

1230 Grant Ave., San Francisco, California 94133.

People’s Parks are sprouting up all over as people reclaim the

land being ripped off by universities, factories, and corrupt city

planning agencies. The model is the People’s Park struggle in

Berkeley during the spring of 1969. The people fought to defend a

barren parking lot they had turned into a community center with

grass, swings, free-form sculpture and gardens. The University of

California, with the aid of Ronald Reagan and the Berkeley storm

troopers, fought with guns, clubs and tear gas to regain the land

from the outlaw people. The pigs killed James Rector and won an

empty victory. For now the park is fenced off, tarred over and

converted into unused basketball courts and unused parking lots.

Not one person has violated the oath never to set foot on the site.

It stands, cold and empty, two blocks north of crowded Telegraph

Avenue. If the revolution does not survive, all the land will

perish under the steam roller of imperialism. People’s Death Valley

will happen in our lifetime.

FREE HOUSING

If you are in a city without a place to stay, ask the first

group of hip-looking folks where you can crash. You might try the

office of the local underground newspaper. In any hip community,

the underground newspaper is generally the source of the best

up-to-the-moment information. But remember that they are very busy,

and don’t impose on them. Many churches now have runaway houses. If

you are under sixteen and can hack some bullshit jive about

“adjusting,” “opening a dialogue,” and “things aren’t that bad,”

then these are the best deals for free room and board. Check out

the ground rules first, i.e., length of stay allowed, if they

inform your parents or police, facilities and services available.

Almost always they can be accepted at their word, which is

something very sacred to missionaries. If they became known as

double-crossers, the programs would be finished.

Some hip communities have crash pads set up, but these rarely

last more than a few months. To give out the addresses we have

would be quite impractical. We have never run across a crash pad

that lasted more than a month or so. If in a cit, try hustling a

room at a college dorm. This is especially good in summer or on

week-ends. If you have a sleeping bag, the parks are always good,

as is “tar jungle” or sleeping on the roofs of tall buildings.

Local folks will give you some good advice on what to watch out for

and information on vagrancy laws which might help you avoid getting

busted.

For more permanent needs, squatting is not only free, it’s a

revolutionary act. If you stay quiet you can stay indefinitely. If

you have community support you may last forever.

COMMUNES

In the city or in the country, communes can be a cheap and

enjoyable way of living. Although urban and rural communes face

different physical environments, they share common group problems.

The most important element in communal living is the people, for

the commune will only make it if everyone is fairly compatible. A

nucleus of 4 to 7 people is best and it is necessary that no member

feels extremely hostile to any other member when the commune gets

started. The idea that things will work out later is pig swill.

More communes have busted up over incompatibility than any other

single factor. People of similar interests and political

philosophies should live together. One speed freak can wreck almost

any group. There are just too many day-to-day hassles involved

living in a commune to not start off compatible in as many ways as

possible. The ideal arrangement is for the people to have known

each other before they move in together.

Once you have made the opening moves, evening meetings will

occasionally be necessary to divide up the responsibilities and

work out the unique problems of a communal family. Basically, there

are two areas that have to be pretty well agreed upon if the

commune is to survive. People’s attitudes toward Politics, Sex,

Drugs and Decision-making have to be in fairly close agreement.

Then the even most important decisions about raising the rent,

cleaning, cooking and maintenance will have to be made. Ground

rules for inviting non-members should be worked out before the

first time it happens, as this is a common cause for friction.

Another increasingly important issue involves defense. Communes

have continually been targets of attack by the more Neanderthal

elements of the surrounding community. In Minneapolis for example,

“headhunts” as they are called are commonplace. You should have

full knowledge of the local gun laws and a collective defense

should be worked out.

Physical attacks are just one way of making war on communes

and, hence, our Free Nation. Laws, cops, and courts are there to

protect the power and the property of those that already got the

shit. Police harassment, strict enforcement of health codes and

fire regulations and the specially designed anti-commune laws being

passed by town elders, should all be known and understood by the

members of a commune before they even buy or rent property. On all

these matters, you should seek out experienced members of communes

already established in the vicinity you wish to settle. Work out

mutual defense arrangements with nearby families-both legal and

extralegal. Remember, not only do you have the right to

self-defense, but it is your duty to our new Nation to erase the

“Easy-Rider-take-any-shit” image which invites attack. Let them

know you are willing to defend your way of living and your chances

of survival will increase.

URBAN LIVING

If you’re headed for city living, the first thing you’ll have

to do is locate an apartment or loft, an increasingly difficult

task. At certain times of the year, notably June and September, the

competition is fierce because of students leaving or entering

school. If you can avoid these two months, you’ll have a better

selection. A knowledge of your plans in advance can aid a great

deal in finding an apartment, for the area can be scouted before

you move in. Often, if you know of people leaving a desirable

apartment, you can make arrangements with the landlord, and a

deposit will hold the place. If you let them know you’re willing to

buy their furniture, people will be more willing to give you

information about when they plan to move. Watch out for getting

screwed on exorbitant furniture swindles by the previous tenants

and excessive demands on the part of the landlords. In most cities,

the landlord is not legally allowed to ask for more than one

month’s rent as security. Often the monthly rent itself is

regulated by a city agency. A little checking on the local laws and

a visit to the housing agency might prove well worth it.

Don’t go to a rental agency unless you are willing to pay an

extra month’s rent as a fee. Wanted ads in newspapers and bulletin

boards located in community centers and supermarkets have some

leads. Large universities have a service for finding good

apartments for administrators, faculty and students, in that order.

Call the university, say you have just been appointed to

such-and-such position and you need housing in the area. They will

want to know all your requirements and rent limitations, but often

they have very good deals available, especially if you’ve appointed

yourself to a high enough position.

Aside from these, the best way is to scout a desired area and

inquire about future apartments. Often landlords or rental agencies

have control over a number of buildings in a given area. You can

generally find a nameplate inside the hall of the building. Calling

them directly will let you know of any apartments available.

When you get an apartment, furnishing will be the next step.

You can double your sleeping space by building bunk beds. Nail two

by fours securely from ceiling to floor, about three feet from the

walls, where the beds are desired. Then build a frame out of two by

fours at a convenient height. Make sure you use nails or screws

strong enough to support the weight of people sleeping or balling.

Nail a sheet of 3/4 inch plywood on the frame. Mattresses and

almost all furniture needed for your pal can be gotten free (see

section on Free Furniture). Silverware can be copped at any

self-service restaurant.

RURAL LIVING

If you are considering moving to the country, especially as a

group, you are talking about farms and farmland. There are some

farms for rent, and occasionally a family that has to be away for a

year or two will let you live on their farm if you keep the place

in repair. These can be found advertised in the back of various

farming magazines and in the classified sections of newspapers,

especially the Sunday editions. Generally speaking, however, if

you’re interested in a farm, you should be considering an outright

purchase.

First, you have to determine in what part of the country you

want to live in terms of the climate you prefer and how far away

from the major cities you wish to locate. The least populated

states, such as Utah, Idaho, the Dakotas, Montana and the like,

have the cheapest prices and the lowest tax rates. The more

populated a state, and in turn, the closer to a city, the higher

the commercial value of the land.

There are hundreds of different types of farms, so the next

set of questions you’ll have to raise concerns the type of farm

activity you’ll want to engage in. Cattle farms are different than

vegetable farms or orchards. Farms come in sizes: from half an acre

to ranches larger than the state of Connecticut. They will run in

price from $30 to $3000 an acre, with the most expensive being

prime farmland in fertile river valleys located close to an urban

area. The further away from the city and the further up a hill, the

cheaper the land gets. It also gets woodier, rockier and steeper,

which means less tillable land.

If you are talking of living in a farm house and maybe having

a small garden and some livestock for your own use, with perhaps a

pond on the property, you are looking for what is called a

recreational farm. When you buy a recreational farm, naturally you

are interested in the house, barn, well, fences, chicken-coop,

corrals, woodsheds and other physical structures on the property.

Unless these are in unusually good condition or unique, they do not

enter into the sale price as major factors. It is the land itself

that is bought and sold.

Farmland is measured in acreage; an acre being slightly more

than 43,560 square feet. The total area is measured in 40-acre

plots. Thus, if a farmer or a real estate agent says he has a plot

of land down the road, he means a 40-acre farm. Farms are generally

measured this way, with an average recreational farm being 160

acres in size or an area covering about 1/2 square mile. A

reasonable rate for recreational farmland 100 miles from a major

city with good water and a livable house would be about $50 per

acre. For a 160-acre farm, it would be $8,000, which is not an

awful lot considering what you are getting. For an overall view,

get the free catalogues and brochures provided by the United Farm

Agency, 612 W. 47th St., Kansas City, Mo. 64112.

Now that you have a rough idea of where and what type of farm

you want, you can begin to get more specific. Check out the

classified section in the Sunday newspaper of the largest city near

your desired location. Get the phone book and call or write to real

estate agencies in the vicinity. Unlike the city, where there is a

sellers’ market, rural estate agents collect their fee from the

seller of the property, so you won’t have to worry about the

agent’s fee.

When you have narrowed down the choices, the next thing you’ll

want to look at is the plot book for the county. The plot book has

all the farms in each township mapped out. lt also shows terrain

variations, type of housing on the land, location of rivers, roads

and a host of other pertinent information. Road accessibility,

especially in the winter, is an important factor. If the farms

bordering the one you have selected are abandoned or not in full

use, then for all intents and purposes, you have more land than you

are buying.

After doing all this, you are prepared to go look at the farm

itself. Notice the condition of the auxiliary roads leading to the

house. You’ll want an idea of what sections of the land are

tillable. Make note of how many boulders you’ll have to clear to do

some planting. Also note how many trees there are and to what

extent the brush has to be cut down. Be sure and have a good idea

of the insect problems you can expect. Mosquitoes or flies can bug

the shit out of you. Feel the soil where you plan to have a garden

and see how rich it is. If there are fruit trees, check their

condition. Taste the water. Find out if hunters or tourists come

through the land. Examine the house. The most important things are

the basement and the roof. In the basement examine the beams for

dry rot and termites. See how long it will be before the roof must

be replaced. Next check the heating system, the electrical wiring

and the plumbing. Then you’ll want to know about services such as

schools, snow plowing, telephones, fire department and finally

about your neighbors. If the house is beyond repair, you might

still want the farm, especially if you are good at carpentry.

Cabins, A-Frames, domes and tepees are all cheaply constructed with

little experience. Get the materials from your nearest military

installation.

Finally, check out the secondary structures on the land to see

how usable they are. If there is a pond, you’ll want to see how

deep it is for swimming. If there are streams, you’ll want to know

about the fishing possibilities; and if large wooded areas, the

hunting.

In negotiating the final sales agreement, you should employ a

lawyer. You’ll also want to check out the possibility of

negotiating a bank loan for the farm. Don’t forget that you have to

pay taxes on the land, so inquire from the previous owner or agent

as to the tax bill. Usually, you can count on paying about $50

annually per 40-acre plot.

Finally, check out the federal programs available in the area.

If you can learn the ins and outs of the government programs, you

can rip off plenty. The Feed-Grain Program of the Department of

Agriculture pays you not to grow grain. The Cotton Subsidy Program

pays you not to grow cotton. Also look into the Soil Bank Program

of the United States Development Association and various Department

of Forestry programs which pay you to plant trees. Between not

planting cotton and planting trees, you should be able to manage.

LIST OF COMMUNES

The most complete list of city and country communes is

available for $1.00 from Alternatives Foundation, Modern Utopian,

1526 Gravensteur Highway North, Sebastopol, California 95427. The

phone is (707) 823-6168. The list is kept up to date. For all

communes, you must write in advance if you plan to visit. Almost

every commune will give you information about the local conditions

and the problems they face if you write them a letter. Here is a

list of some you might like to write to for more information. Avoid

becoming a free-loader on your sisters and brothers.

Â¥ California

Â¥

ALTERNATIVES FOUNDATION-Box 1264, Berkeley, California 94709.

(Dick Fairfield) Communal living, total sexuality, peak

experience training centers. Dedicated to the

cybernated-tribal society.

Â¥

BHODAN CENTER OF INQUIRY-Sierra Route, Oakhurst, California 93644.

Phone (209) 683-4976.. (Charles Davis) Seminars on Human

Community, IC development on the land, founded 1934, 13

members. Trial period for new members. Visitors check in

advance.

Â¥ Colorado

Â¥

DROP CITY-Rt. 1, Box 125, Trinidad, Colorado 81082. Founded 1965.

New members must meet specific criteria. Anarchist, artist,

dome houses.

Â¥ New Mexico

Â¥

LAMA FOUNDATION-Box 444, San Cristobal, N.M.

Â¥ New York

Â¥

CITY ISLAND COMMUNE-284 City Island Avenue, Bronx, NY. Visitors

check in advance. Revolutionary.

Â¥

ATLANTIS I-RFD 5, Box 22A, Saugerties, NY 12477. Visitors and new

members welcome.

Â¥ Oregon

Â¥

FAMILY OF MYSTIC ARTS–Box 546, Sunny Valley, Oregon

Â¥ Pennsylvania

Â¥

TANGUY HOMESTEADS-West Chester, Pennsylvania. Suburban,

non-sectarian, co-op housing and community fellowship.

Â¥ Washington

Â¥

MAGIC MOUNTAIN-52nd and 19th Streets, Seattle, Washington.

(c/o Miriam Roder).

FREE EDUCATION

Usually when you ask somebody in college why they are there,

they’ll tell you it’s to get an education. The truth of it is, they

are there to get the degree so that they can get ahead in the rat

race. Too many college radicals are two-timing punks. The only

reason you should be in college is to destroy it. If there is stuff

that you want to learn though, there is a way to get a college

education absolutely free. Simply send away for the schedule of

courses at the college of your choice. Make up the schedule you

want and audit the classes. In smaller classes this might be a

problem, but even then, if, the teacher is worth anything at all,

he’ll let you stay. In large classes, no one will ever object.

If you need books for a course, write to the publisher

claiming you are a lecturer at some school and considering using

their book in your course. They will always send you free books.

There are Free Universities springing up all over our new

Nation. Anybody can teach any course. People sign up for the

courses and sometimes pay a token registration fee. This money is

used to publish a catalogue and pay the rent. If you’re on welfare

you don’t have to pay. You can take as many or as few courses as

you want. Classes are held everywhere: in the instructor’s house,

in the park, on the beach, at one of the student’s houses or in

liberated buildings. Free Universities offer courses ranging from

Astrology to the Use of Firearms. The teaching is usually of

excellent quality and you’ll learn in a community-type atmosphere.

LIST OF FREE UNIVERSITIES

Â¥

Alternative University-69 W. 14th St., New York, NY 10011

(catalogue on request)

Â¥

Baltimore Free U-c/o Harry, 233 E. 25th St., Baltimore, Maryland

21218

Â¥

Berkeley Free U-1703 Grove St., Berkeley, California 94709

Â¥

Bowling Green Free U-c/o Student Council, University of Bowling

Green, Bowling Green Ohio 43402

Â¥

Colorado State Free U-Box 12-Fraisen, Colorado State College,

Greeley, Colorado 80631

Â¥

Detroit Area Free U-Student Union, 4001 W. McNichols Rd., Detroit,

Michigan 48221

Â¥

Detroit Area Free U-343 University Center, Wayne State University,

Detroit, Mich.

Â¥

Georgetown Free U-Loyola Bldg., 28, Georgetown University

Washington D.C. 20007

Â¥

Golden Gate Free U-2120 Market St., Rm. 206, San Francisco,

California 94114

Â¥

Heliotrope-2201 Filbert, San Francisco, California 94118

Â¥

Illinois Free U-298A Illini Union, University of Illinois,

Champaign, Illinois 61820

Â¥

Kansas Free U-107 W. 7th St., Lawrence, Kansas 66044

Â¥

Knox College Free U-Galesbury, Illinois 60401

Â¥

Madison Free U-c/o P. Carroll, 1205 Shorewood Blvd., Madison,

Wisconsin 53705

Â¥

Metropolitan State Free U-Associated Students, 1345 Banrock St.,

Denver, Colorado 80204

Â¥

Michigan State Free U-Associated Students, Student Service Bldg.,

Michigan State College, East Lansing, Michigan 48823

Â¥

Mid-Peninsula Free U-1060 El Camino Real, Menlo Park, California

94015

Â¥

Minnesota Free U-1817 S. 3rd St., Minneapolis, Minnesota 55404

Â¥

Monterey Peninsula Free U-2120 Etna Place, Monterey, California

New Free U-Box ALL 303, Santa Barbara, California 93107

Â¥

Northwest Free U-Box 1255, Bellingham, Washington 98225

Â¥

Ohio-Wesleyan Free U-Box 47-Welsh Hall, Ohio Wesleyan University,

Delevan, Ohio 43015

Â¥

Pittsburgh Free U-4401 Fifth Ave., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15213

Rutgers Free U-Rutgers College, Student Center, 1 Lincoln Ave.,

Newark, NJ 07102

Â¥

St. Louis Free U-c/o Student Congress, 3rd floor BMC, St. Louis

University, St. Louis, Missouri 63103

Â¥

San Luis Obispo Free U-Box 1305, San Luis Obispo, California 94301

Â¥

Santa Cruz Free U-604 River St., Santa Cruz, California 95060

Â¥

Seattle Free U-4144¸ University Way NE, Seattle, Washington 98105

Â¥

Southern Illinois Free U-Carbondale, Illinois 62901

Â¥

Valley Free U-2045 N. Wishon Ave., Fresno, California 93704

Â¥

Washington Area Free U-5519 Prospect Place, Chevy Chase, Maryland

20015 and 1854 Park Rd. NW, Washington, D.C. 20010

Â¥

Wayne-Locke Free U-Student Congress, University of Texas,

Arlington, Texas 76010

And a complete list of experimental schools, free

universities, free schools, can be obtained by sending one dollar

to ALTERNATIVES! 1526 Gravenstein Highway N., Sebastopol,

California 97452, and requesting the Directory of Free Schools.

7. FREE MEDICAL CARE

Due to the efforts of the Medical Committee for Human Rights,

the Student Health Organization and other progressive elements

among younger doctors and nurses. Free People’s Clinics have been

happening in every major city. They usually operate out of store

fronts and are staffed with volunteer help. An average clinic can

handle fifty patients a day.

If you’ve had an accident or have an acute illness, even a bad

cold, check into the emergency room of any hospital. Given them a

sob story complete with phony name and address. After treatment

they present you with a slip and direct you to the cashier. Just

walk on by, as the song suggests. A good decoy is to ask for the

washroom. After waiting there a few moments, split. If you’re

caught sneaking out, tell them you ran out of the house without

your wallet. Ask them to bill you at your phony address. This

billing procedure works in both hospital emergency rooms and

clinics. You can keep going back for repeated visits up to three

months before the cashier’s office tells the doctor about your

fractured payments.

You can get speedy medical advice and avoid emergency room

delays by calling the hospital, asking for the emergency unit and

speaking directly to the doctor over the phone. Older doctors frown

on this procedure since they cannot extort their usual exorbitant

fee over the phone. Younger ones generally do not share this

hang-up.

Cities usually have free clinics for a variety of special

ailments. Tuberculosis Clinics, Venereal Disease Clinics, and Free

Shot Clinics (yellow fever, polio, tetanus, etc.) are some of the

more common. A directory of these clinics and other free health

services the local community provides can be obtained by writing

your Chamber of Commerce or local Health Department.

Most universities have clinics connected with their dental,

optometry or other specialized medical schools. If not for free,

then certainly for very low rates, you can get dental work

repaired, eyeglasses fitted and treatment of other specific health

needs.

Free psychiatric treatment can often be gotten at the

out-patient department of any mental hospital. Admission into these

hospitals is free, but a real bummer. Use them as a last resort

only. Some cities have a suicide prevention center and if you are

desperate and need help, call them. Your best choice in a

psychiatric emergency is to go to a large general hospital, find

the emergency unit and ask to see the psychiatrist on duty.

BIRTH CONTROL CLINICS

Planned Parenthood and the Family Planning Association staff

numerous free birth control clinics throughout the country. They

provide such services as sex education, examinations, Pap smear and

birth control information and devices. The devices include pills, a

diaphragm, or IUD (intra-uterine device) which they will insert. If

you are unmarried and under 18, you might have to talk to a social

worker, but it’s no sweat because anybody gets contraceptive

devices that wants them. Call up and ask them to send you their

booklets on the different methods of birth control available.

If you would rather go to a private doctor, try to find out

from a friend the name of a hip gynecologist, who is sympathetic to

the fact that you’re low on bread. Otherwise one visit could cost

$25.00 or more.

Before deciding on a contraceptive, you should be hip to some

general information. There has been much research on the pill, and

during the past 10 years it has proven its effectiveness, if not is

safety. The two most famous name brands are Ortho-Novum and Envoid.

They all require a doctor’s prescription. Different type pills are

accompanied by slightly different instructions, so read the

directions carefully. In many women, the pills produce side effects

such as weight increase, dizziness or nausea. Sometimes the pill

affects your vision and more often your mood. Some women with

specialized blood diseases are advised not to use them, but in

general, women have little or no trouble. Different brand names

have different hormonal balances (progesterone-estrogen). If you

get uncomfortable side effects, insist that your doctor switch your

brand. If you stop the pill method for any reason and don’t want to

get pregnant, be very careful to use another means right away.

Another contraceptive device becoming more popular is the IUD,

or the loop. It is a small plastic or stainless steel

irregularly-shaped spring that the doctor inserts inside the

opening of the uterus. The insertion is not without pain, but it’s

safe if done by a physician, and it’s second only to the pill in

prevention of pregnancy. Once it’s in place, you can forget about

it for a few years or until you wish to get pregnant. Doctors are

reluctant to prescribe them for women who have not borne children

or had an abortion, because of the intense pain that accompanies

insertion. But if you can stand the pain associated with three to

four uterine contractions, you should push the doctor for this

method. Inserting it during the last day of your period will make

it easier.

The diaphragm is a round piece of flexible rubber about 2

inches in diameter with a hard rubber rim on the outside. It used

to be inserted just before the sex act, but hip doctors now

recommend that it be worn continuously and taken out every few days

for washing and also during the menstrual period. It is most

effective when used with a sperm-killing jelly or cream. A doctor

will fit you for a proper size diaphragm.

The next best method is the foams that you insert twenty

minutes before fucking. The best foams available are Delfen and

Emko. They have the advantage of being nonprescription items so you

can rush into any drug store and pick up a dispenser when the

spirit moves you. Follow the directions carefully. Unfortunately,

these foams taste terrible and are not available in flavors. It

just shows you how far science has to go.

Another device is the prophylactic, or rubber as it is called.

This is the only device available to men. It is a thin rubber

sheath that fits over the penis. Because they are subject to

breaking and sliding off, their effectiveness is not super great.

If you are forced to use them, the best available are lubricated

sheepskins with a reservoir tip.

The rhythm method or Vatican roulette as it is called by hip

Catholics, is a waste unless you are ready to surround yourself

with thermometers, graphs and charts. You also have to limit your

fucking to prescribed days. Even with all these precautions, women

have often gotten pregnant using the rhythm method.

The oldest and least effective method is simply for the male

to pull out just before he comes. There are billions of sperm cells

in each ejaculation and only one is needed to fertilize the woman’s

egg and cause a pregnancy. Most of the sperm is in the first

squirt, so you had better be quick if you employ this technique.

If the woman misses her period she shouldn’t panic. It might

be delayed because of emotional reasons. Just wait two weeks before

going to a doctor or clinic for a pregnancy test. When you go, be

sure to bring your first morning urine specimen.

ABORTIONS

The best way to find out about abortions is to contact your

local woman’s liberation organization through your underground

newspaper or radio station. Some Family Planning Clinics and even

some liberal churches set up abortions, but these might run as high

as $700. Underground newspapers often have ads that read “Any girl

in trouble call - -,” or something similar. The usual rate for an

abortion is about $500 and it’s awful hard to bargain when you need

one badly. Only go to a physician who is practicing or might have

just lost his license. Forget the stereotype image of these doctors

as they are performing a vital service. Friends who have had an

abortion can usually recommend a good doctor and fill you in on

what’s going to happen.

Abortions are very minor operations if done correctly. They

can be done almost any time, but after three months, it’s no longer

so casual and more surgical skill is required. Start making plans

as soon as you find out. The sooner the better, in terms of the

operation.

Get a pregnancy test at a clinic. If it is positive and you

want an abortion, start that day to make plans. If you get negative

results from the test and still miss your period, have a

gynecologist perform an examination if you are still worried.

If you cannot arrange an abortion through woman’s liberation,

Family Planning, a sympathetic clergyman or a friend who has had

one, search out a liberal hospital and talk to one of their social

workers. Almost all hospitals perform “therapeutic” abortions. Tell

a sob story about the desertion of your boy friend or that you take

LSD every day or that defects run in your family. Act mentally

disturbed. If you qualify, you can get an abortion that will be

free under Medicaid or other welfare medical plans. The safest form

of abortion is the vacuum-curettage method, but not all doctors are

hip to it. It is safer and quicker with less chance of

complications than the old-fashioned scrape method.

Many states have recently passed liberalized abortion laws,

such as New York* (by far the most extensive), Hawaii and Maryland,

due to the continuing pressure of radical women. The battle for

abortion and certainly for free abortion is far from over even in

the states with liberal laws. They are far too expensive for the

ten to twenty minute minor operation involved and the red tape is

horrendous. Free abortions must be look-on as a fundamental right,

not a sneaky, messy trauma.

*There is a residence requirement for New York but using a friend’s

New York address at the hospital will be good enough. The procedure

takes only a few days and costs between $200 and $500, depending on

the place. The best advice is to call one of the New York Abortion

Referral Services or Birth Control Groups listed in the New York

Directory section.

DISEASES TREATED FREE

Syph and Clap (syphilis and gonorrhea) are two diseases that

they are easy to pick up. They come from balling. Anyone who claims

they got it from sitting on a toilet seat must have a fondness for

weird positions.

Both men and women are subject to the diseases. Using a

prophylactic usually will prevent the spreading of venereal

disease, but you should really seek to have it cured. Syphilis

usually begins with an infection which may look like a cold sore or

pimple around the sex organ. There is no pain associated with the

lesions. Soon the sore disappears even without treatment. This is

often followed by a period of rashes on the body (especially the

palms of the hands) and inflammation of the mouth and throat. These

symptoms also disappear without treatment. It must be understood,

however, that even if these symptoms disappear, the disease still

remains if left untreated. It can cause serious trouble such as

heart disease, blindness, insanity and paralysis. Also, it can fuck

up any kids you might produce and is easily passed on to anyone you

ball.

Gonorrhea (clap) is more common than syphilis. Its first signs

are a dischar