Fun things to do to stupid neighbors

Fun things to do to stupid neighbors

by: Delta Burke

This little article is everyone out there who is a
next door neighbor who

is, in your mind, the worlds biggest asshole. I have neighbors
that fit

into this catergory perfectly. You know the ones, stereo up louder than

hell in the middle of the night, water their lawn during a drought, etc…

Well
take heart, because I have just the answer for such idiots.

1) Next time
they go away on vacation, or even for just the weekend, call

the utility company, Ma
Bell(or whoever the phone co is.), and the cable

company. Using their
name(obviously), tell them to shut off the

respective utilities, since your are going
on a trip for about a month.

Most of the time, they wont ask for any other info except
for phone

number. If they ask for anything else, just hangup quickly and forget it />
as it isnt too easy to explain why you dont know your own social

security
number. If all works well(and it usually does), they will come

home to a fridge full of
bad food, plus no heat or air conditioning and

cable tv and phone. Pretty nice, huh? />

2) If they leave on vacation, and you are a hacker/phreak/BBS’er, here is />
your chance for free phone calls to everywhere! Simply go into their

yard and
locate their phone box. Using your lineman’s phone(or a regular

phone with alligator
clips instead of a modular plug), find the active

phone line inside the box. Run a shit
load of wire back to your house,

thru your window, etc… Install a modular plug on
your end and plug it

into your modem. Now make all the long distance calls you want.
Don’t

worry, those of your with a heart, the neighbor’s wont get billed for
/> the calls after they call Ma Bell and claim that they didnt make them.

Most of the
time they will let you of the hook.

3) One night, after the neighborhood
is asleep, sneak over into the

target’s yard. Proceed to turn on ONE faucet, so that
water is gushing

out all over the place. The value of this joke is that the target’s />
water bill will be outrageous after about 3-4 nights of this, especially

during drought season.

4) If you have the asshole neighbor who has the
stereo on LOUD at all hours

and the police wont do shit(what else is new), here is the
solution.

Sneak into the yard, and find the breakerbox. If the stereo is up this

loud, they wont hear you in the yard. Locate the switch that matches the

room
that the stereo is in. Or the closest to. Flip the switch and run

like hell back to the
house. Or if you are more daring, sit in the

bushes oe something and watch them come
out. Most of the time, it will

take doing this 2-3 times before they turn down the
stereo.But its worth

it when you have to sleep.

5) Do your
neighbor’s have a barking dog? If so, heres the solution.

A) Call the pound repeatedly,
using another neighbor’s name and address,

but your number. Call at least twice a
night for about a week. The

complaints will stack up, and the target’s will most likely
have to pay

a healthy fine.

B) Get a package of hot dogs and any kind of
medicine that induces

shitting, like Exlax(you will have to melt it down). Pour the
secret

agent shit inducing substance on the hot dogs, then toss them over the
/> fence to the dog. If it is a small dog, I suggest throwing one at a time

as little
dogs don’t eat as much as big dogs. Spot or Fido or whatever

the hell his name is will
be shitting EVERYWHERE for days. Loads of fun

for the target.

/> 6) Kill their lawn. This can be achieved with any kind of poison, paint

thinner, or
even piss. Simply pour as much of the stuff as you can all over

the lawn and wait a
few days to a week. Lovely brown spots will start to

show. Nice effect.

7) Do they have a CB radio that interferes with your tv?

Use the old
standby. When they are not home, sneak over and shove large

straight pins into the
coaxial cable to the antenna. Next time Joe

Dickhead keys up will be his last time.
This easy trick works due to the

fact that it shorts the cable together. When he keys
up, it will blow

the CB right off the table.

Do they park
in your driveway or in front of it? My neighbors have

teenage kids who have teenage
friends who parked in front of the

driveway. I fixed that by taking some large
nails(about 4 inches long)

and placed them on each side of their tires at a 45 degree
angle. Two

per side, heads on pavement, points to tires. When they drive off,
/> instant flats on all four tires. Try to get them to not park there

asking first. If
they don’t care to listen, then use the nail trick.

9) Other easy and
annoying tricks:

Use JB Weld or any other metal weld substance on their mailbox
door.

Unscrew all the light bulbs on the outside of their house just enough so

they won’t light.

If they have an annoying cat, capture it and take it about 10
miles away

from where you live and let it go.

Get some cow or horse shit
and place it in a large paper bag. Place on

porch and light on fire. Then ring door
bell.

If they have a hot tub or pool, get some goldfish and place them in it.
/> If you can get some lake or river fish, they work even better.

Place small rocks
inside the hubcaps on their most used car. The effect

is awesome. They will go crazy
from the sound.

If you get into their car, place a heavy guage jumper wire from the
horn

to the brake switch behind the pedal. The result is the horn honking
/> everytime they step on the brake pedal. A sure fire winner.

If you are daring,
capture a skunk and let it loose in their yard. Just

think about the fun this one can
make.

Have fun and don’t get caught! Delta Burke Jan 1991

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