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—
DISCLAIMER AND COPYRIGHT NOTICE –
I take no responsibility for actions performed as
described in this text.
Some of these schemes are illegal to perform and most of them will
make your
mark suffer in one way or another. I advice you to look at this script as a
source of inspiration and amusement. Yet, if you do consider an action,
consider also it’s
consequence, both for the mark and for you. I also advise
you to read the alt.revenge FAQ
before you do anything you might regret.
The Avenger’s Handbook is Copyrighted. This
means that you may copy the
whole document for personal purpose only. You can do this by
sending the
text to a printer, or by saving the file on your personal computer.
You may not redistribute this document in any form without permission from
the editor himself.
This includes putting the document onto your own web
page, posting it to an open newsgroup or
mailing-list, or printing parts of
it into any magazine, disc or paper.
–
– How to get the latest edition of The Avenger’s Handbook –
The fastest way to get
the latest version of The Avenger’s Handbook [TAH] is
by sending an email to the autoresponder
at tah@ekran.no - this will
imediately trigger a return message with TAH being sent to you
[the sender].
The most convenient location of TAH is probably the Web. You will find
The
Avenger’s Front Page [TAFP] at http://www.ekran.no/html/revenge/ - where you
also
will find several other related documents.
The text edition of TAH can be stored on
your computer by using the ’save’
option on your web-browser. If everything else fails, send
me an email at
paal@ekran.no, and I’ll do my best to help.
–
— INDEX
–
001 MAIL SERVICE
002 TAXES
003 ALARM CLOCK
004 DEATH THREAT
TERROR
005 ADVERTISEMENT
006 THE PIZZA DELIVERY SERVICE
007 A DISC DRIVE KILLER
008 THE GARDEN
009 AUTOMATIC GARAGE DOORS
010 MEMBERSHIP
011 LOCKERS
013 SMOKERS
014 NASTY SMELLS
015 SHAVING FOAM
016 THE
RACIST LANDLORD
017 THE TELEPHONE
018 A TROUBLESOME GIRL AT SCHOOL
019 FAST
FOOD WORKER
020 THE MARK’S CREDIT CARD
021 THE BEE SWARM
022 POSTER REVENGE
024 FELLOW EMPLOYEE
025 A CALCULATOR TRICK
026 ROAD KILL
027 LOST KEYS
028 THE DOOR
029 ICE-TRAYS/WATER CONTAINERS
030 THE TOILET
031 DRIVE-BY PAINT-BOMB BOMBARDMENT
032 COMMERCIAL POSTERS
033 MAILBOX LOCK
034
CABEL TV
035 MAILBOX PROTECTION
036 STOPPING THE GAS SUPPLY
037 CANCELED EXAMS
038 THE VANISHING ROOM
039 NOISY PARTY STOPPERS
040 FAX MACHINES
041
UGLY THINGS TO DO WITH SHIT
042 DISABLING LOCKS
043 THE MARK’S PARTY
044 JUNK
MAIL REPLY
045 A SNOW MAN
046 LANDLORD REVENGE
047 COPS
048 FEMALE
ATTRIBUTES
049 VISINE AS A LAXATIVE
050 POWER FAILURE
051 STORE WORKER
HUMILIATION
052 THE CAR
053 GRAFFITI WITH AJAX
054 THE POOL
055 THE
SHOWER
056 DOGGIES
057 FIBERGLASS IN THE CLOTHES
058 THE ROOMMATE HAS A BORING
GIRLFRIEND
059 THE DORNMATE STEALS THE FOOD
060 THE ROOMMATE
061 GROCERY STORES
063 UNFAITHFUL WIFE
064 DESTROYING A RELATIONSHIP
065 EMAIL
FORGERY
066 CONTACT ON INTERNET
067 NEWS FORGERY
068 EMAIL BOMBING
069 EXAM
DISTRACTION
070 NOISY APARTMENT NEIGHBOURS
071 BAD SERVICE AT RESTAURANTS
072 FARM
MANURE
073 AT A PUBLIC LAUNDRY STORE
074 THE HOMOPHOBIC MARK
075 PLASTIC CUPS ON
THE FLOOR
076 TO KILL A TREE
077 MACINTOSH
078 TOWING CARS
079 SPAMMERS AND
NEWSGROUPS
080 SEX MAGAZINES
081 TROUBLESOME SISTER
082 CONCRETE
083 A
TOOTHBRUSH UP THE ASS
084 CRICKETS
085 DONATIONS
086 SNOTTY WOMEN
087 X-RAYS
AT AIRPORTS
088 REVENGE ON A TEACHER
089 JELLO
090 DRUG ADDICTS
091 BLUE
PLATE SPECIAL
092 CALL GIRL CARPET BOMB
093 PRANK CALLERS
094 THE BANK BOX
095 SPAM
096 WRECKING UP A COMPUTER ACCOUNT
097 TELEMARKETEERS
098 CAR ALARMS
———————————————————————–
#001 MAIL
SERVICE. By The Last Viking, Dale Worley, Chuck, Eamon and Batman
Get one of those
commercial catalogues with dozens of rip-out order forms.
Write down the name and address of
the mark and send it in Be careful about
your handwriting.
–
Go to
a library with many technical or trade publications. Pull out all the
free reply cards, bingo
cards, etc. Now ask for information on everything.
With remarkably little work, you can
collect hundreds of these cards. Fill
in your mark’s address and a bogus company name.
–
Send your mark empty envelopes. Do this over a period of at least 2-3
years.
Let the empty envelopes arrive at his place from different locations, and
with
different handwriting. If the mark is a nervous wreck, then this can be
what makes him really
go over the edge.
–
Buy 100 envelopes. Send all envelopes to the mark.
Don’t use stamps on them,
and put nothing in them, or photocopy something to put into them.
Write the
mark’s name and address and put them in the mail. The mark will have to pay
to
get the junk mail. This scheme may not work in USA.
–
A bit of a
different version of what is written above, is to send your mark
letters saying things like
"LIAR!", "THIEF!" or "WHORE!" Also give him the
letters with the
big font-types, when he doesn’t see it. Like, slide it
under his door, or put it into his bag
at school.
–
Here’s a little list of how to use our post-service for your
vengeance:
Send mail to his landlord. Where "he" writes that he’ll be moving
soon. The
landlord will start looking for a new tenant when he get the letter.
Send mail to the import duty Dept. from him. Let him ask for an import
permit on about 2K of
Heroin. For personal use only, of course.
Send mail from him, to companies who are
hiring people for higher level
positions. Lie gruesomely about his qualifications, and make
reference to
people in high positions [I assume this is not only illegal in Norway.]
Where he is
applying for a membership, or cussing them out.
Send mail from your mark, to credit
card companies. You will need his SS to
do this. If you apply to them for a VISA or a
Mastercard, then I am sure
your mark is going to feel anxious when he get a reply in the
post.
Send a letter to the local police asking something like, "If I see a [use
I don’t
know what kind of a reaction he’ll get on that one - but it won’t do
him any good.
employee [the
mark] offered you a lousy service.
–
Find a name and prison address of an
appropriate criminal [gang member or
someone convicted of credit fraud.] Forward your mark’s
personal mail to
this guy, your mark will still get the junk mail and others at his address
that something
might be wrong.
Wait a week then call his phone company and change his number to an
unlisted
one. This with all the other bills will get forwarded to the prison.
–
If you have access to a scanner or some paper with letter heads you can send
your mark all sorts of official mail.
The most effective use of this is to find what
their fear is, and then
stress upon that. I.e. if your mark owed the bank a $3200 and he’s
worried
about it, try sending him a letter demanding it back right away or court
bailiffs will be called.
You could also send them a letter using the letter head from
your local
hospital, asking them to come in, as a client with AIDS has named them as a
past sexual partner.
Scan their photo into your computer and convert it to grey,
slightly alter
the face and place lines over it to make it look like an E-fit police frame.
police
claiming they know who it is.
A letter from the water company saying the water will be
turned off for
forty eight hours so fill up your bath, pots and pans etc.
A
letter from the police saying they have monitered an amount of sicko porn
that has been
downloaded onto their computer.
A letter from "playGirl" Thanking them for
the photographs they sent into
"Readers Husbands".
#002 TAXES. By
Hellraiser.
As soon as the tax forms are released, get the 1040-EZ or 1040-A
package.
Assuming you also have the mark’s name and address, armed with the SS you
can
really have some fun. Type the name, address, city, state, zip, SS and
filing status normally.
Prepare the rest of the return with anti-tax and
anti-government statements typed in strategic
places on the form. In other
words use your own discretion. Prepare the official return
envelope in the
same manner.
Ed> In other countries forms have different
names, but we all knew that
Ed> already.
#003 ALARM CLOCK. By The Last
Viking.
Once there was a guy who left his sack unattended during the break at
school. Well, the alarm-clock from hell was put into the back, in a location
where he wouldn’t
look, just before a lecture. Gee, did he get the looks
when it rang in the midst of the
lecture [there was 150-200 people in the
room.]
#004 DEATH THREAT TERROR. By The
Last Viking and Matthew "The Revenger."
Get a newspaper. Cut out some death
notices or articles about persons who
have died [ie. killed] Send them to the person with a
letter telling how fun
it was to kill the person in the article. Try sending him a list with
his
name on, like a top 10 list with his name getting higher each time you send
a new
letter to him.
–
First you type a death threat that suits your purpose
onto a piece of paper.
Then, later that night, set off firecrackers on his lawn. The next day
you
can continue by writing a nice letter saying, "I’m serious, as you know. I’m
sure you heard the GUN FIRE last night!" If it does not help, throw a rock
through his
window, and type another threat for it. Keep doing this process
until he stops.
Ed> For both tactics above it is vital that you leave absolutely NO trace
Ed> leading
back to you. Read the alt.revenge FAQ about safety.
#005 ADVERTISEMENT. By The Last
Viking, format c: and Lester R. Wolthers Jr.
Advertise in a contact magazine. Let the
note tell that your mark want
contact with other persons for e.g. sexual purposes. Write that
he is S/M,
gay or something else that he is definitively not. Pay it with cash, or make
them send the bill to your mark.
Another good idea is to help your mark start a little
business of his own.
Just put in an article into the paper saying that he’s selling private
made
porn movies for a good price. The advantage of using sex and porn in these
advertisements is that it draws general and mostly unwanted attention.
If your mark is
running a business already, then you can always help him by
putting an note in, where it says
that he has cheap "whatever-he-sells" at a
specific time. Just make his offer
irresistible. Time can be of essence, put
the note in at a time when everyone is looking to
buy his product.
–
Place an ad in the paper for something that will get
hundreds of calls.
73 Porsche 911S needs work $500
65 Cobra basket case $1200
Guest cottage on 100 acre estate. Free rent in
exchange for minor repairs.
I had a Porsche listed in the paper for $500, and the phone
rang every 5
minutes during the evenings. I sold the car to the 1st person but since so
many people were calling I figured I’d have some fun with them. My
girlfriend answered once
and with some coaching from me gave this story.
"Uh, I think it’s sold but the
person hasn’t paid me yet. It was my fathers
car and it’s been in the garage for the past few
years. It’s really dirty
now but it used to look really nice because he always took care of
it. It’s
a 914-6 I think, at least that’s what it says on the back."
She
said the guy sounded really depressed by the time she was done.
–
Put an
ad in the newspaper, write something like this:
"Moving Sale - Saturday.
Everything must go cars, furniture, etc.
No reasonable offer refused.
Starts early,
continues through out the day.
If no response at front door, knock on garage door
loudly."
Make sure you include the mark’s name and address, and that you either
pay
cash or send it by mail as a money order.
#006 THE PIZZA DELIVERY SERVICE. By
The Last Viking.
Call the local Pizza restaurant, or another restaurant that brings
their
food, then ask them to bring the food to your mark’s place.
You can also
call the cops and say that that you heard shotgun fire, or that
you heard someone fighting
[domestic violence] in there.
Chiver> The Police, and many take-out restaurants are
using caller-ID, so it
Chiver> is suggested that you call from a phone-box.
#007 A DISC DRIVE KILLER. By The Last Viking, Emil Rakoczy and Turk.
This is an amusing
and destructive way of revenge. Just open the disc and
replace the magnetic disc with some
sand paper. Either mingle the disc with
the mark’s discs or just give it to him [post?] -
telling that it contains
new warez. When the mark put it into the drive, it will destroy the
drive-
head pretty fast.
Straw> This will not work as the hub that the drive
uses to spin the disk
Straw> will be missing. A better idea is to hold the window open and
glue
Straw> several pieces of sandpaper to the disk surface. Then the disc will
Straw> appear normal unless your mark hold the window open and spins the
Straw> disk by
hand.
Ed> You can also glue sand or any gravel to the surface.
–
An easy way to destroy a disc, is to add a thin layer of butter to it, then
sprinkle it
with light iron filings.
–
Remove the sulphur tip from a few matches.
Crush and grind it to powder, add
a thin layer of glue to the disc, then spread the powder
onto the glue.
#008 THE GARDEN. By The Last Viking, whf2, Brian Martinez, The Novato
Onramp
tk421, Mark W. Russell and Brent Volden.
If you’re having problems with
assholes driving through your hard worked
together leaf-pile, try adding a few cinder block or
something hard’n'heavy
to the pile. Cover it with leafs and let the bastards run over it
again,
only this time they’ll not speed away from the scene.
–
Salt
works great for killing lawns permanently. It was once tried and two
weeks later the grass had
died.
–
It was dark outside, and I wanted to get revenge on our bonehead
neighbour,
who was constantly complaining about the music we were playing. So, what I
did was throwing out a whole bread [which was too dry to eat anyway] into
his garden. Around 6
o’clock it was light enough outside for our lovely and
not quite-so-quiet sea-gulls to see the
bread, and gee did they have a
party. I were staying up all night anyway, so it didn’t bother
me. If the
sea-gulls doesn’t make enough noise, try sprinkling the bread in a bit of
alcohol [Just a little bit, you don't want them to hurt themselves.]
–
Get some seeds from some ugly weed and spread it all-over your mark’s
garden, or spread some
lime into your mark’s garden. The grass will then
slowly die. If you’re being artistic about
it, try writing something
insulting onto the lawn.
–
In high-school
some friends of mine went up to one teacher’s house with a
can of diesel, and wrote the word
"BITCH" on her gently upward-sloping front
yard for all the people in her Ritzy
suburb community to see. Of course,
the diesel killed the grass, and you could see
"BITCH" from the road for a
good three months or so.
–
The opposite effect is to spread fertilizer onto the lawn. It will cause the
grass to grow
twice as fast on the places where you’ve spread it (You can
write something on the lawn), and
if you use enough, it’ll cause the grass
to change colour.
–
Buy a
case of frosted flakes, then go to the mark’s house late at night or
before they wake up and
spread them out neatly over their lawn. The mourning
dew will melt the flakes slightly, then
the sun comes out and bakes them
into the biggest damned frosted flake in the world. After the
ants come out
it should get real entertaining.
–
I work for an
aerial mapping company and have a bird’s eye view of lawn
mower graffiti. A client recently
called to ask if we’d noticed someone had
‘written’ "Bullshit" in the area to be
photographed. We hadn’t noticed it
and couldn’t really do anything about it anyway. This
struck me as a good
way to embarrass some engineers or office types looking over photos of
the
site of a, say, new shopping mall. A disgruntled employee could easily pay
some kid
to mow "IBM SUCKS!" in a field where no one could see it but from
the air.
One of the
tricks that works wonderfully involves houses with garage door
openers. Sears and Chamberlain
openers use DIP switches to set the code. The
dips switches are on the back of the door
openers and in plain sight.
I once were in this mark’s garage to deliver a piece of
mail that was left
in my mailbox and noticed the Chamberlain door opener and the DIP
switches
on the rear. I noted the settings down and bought a spare transmitter at
Sears
for about $12. All I had to do was set the DIP switches to the same
code and then I could
operate the door.
The neighbour had very regular habits and left for work at roughly
the same
time every day. All I did was wait and watch as the door rolled up. When
the
backup lights of their Accura came on, I merely pressed the down button
and the door closed on
their trunk lid, broke the rear glass and dented the
roof. The folks stood around for about a
half hour scratching their butts
and trying to figure out what happened. The garage door was
totaled also.
–
Most garage door openers are controlled by an IR
transmitter. So, what you
need to do is go get one of those programmable IR transmitters,
those with
the learn function. Now you only need to get a hold of his open or close
signal, which can be a real bitch to do, as the transmitter are usually
located in his car.
Yet, now you might know what lock-picking FAQ’s are for.
#010 MEMBERSHIP. By The Last
Viking.
This one will require that you know a bit about your mark. What you do is
sign a membership for him in a club/organization/whatever, that is quite
opposite or has
opposite intentions of who he really is. Preferably
something which he finds disgustful like
if he is a heterosexual, then you
can make him a member of a gay’s club. If he’s working in
the US-government,
sign him up with a Communist organization [Hell, that might even invoke
an
investigation]. If he is a racist, sign him up with an organization of the
opposite
colour. If he is a Satanist, sign him up with the Jehovah. If he’s
a fat TV-slob, sign him up
with a football team [support member - I guess?]
#011 LOCKERS. By The Last Viking,
Andrew McCann and Mark Peters.
I think that one of the most famous locker schemes came
from George
"Pinhead" Curtis - and a simple one it was too. Just put superglue
[Krazy
Glue] in the lock and it will become completely inaccessible for the owner.
Of
course this has later been sofisticated by methods like putting a tooth-
pick into it, before
and after adding the glue [breaking the tooth-pick
off.]
Other means of
locker-revenge could be hanging up a nude poster on the front
of the locker [works well in
schools] - be creative, you can also put things
like ads on it, or even neo-Nazi symbols.
–
How about squirting a whole can of whipped cream into the locker
through
the vent holes (no need to pick the lock). If this was done right before a
weekend it would get quite sour by the next school day.
–
An alternative
to whipped cream would be to go to a hardware store and ask
for foam insulation in a a spray
can. Spray the insulation into the locker
at Friday afternoon so that it get all the weekend
to harden.
#012 MS-DOS. By George ‘Pinhead’ Curtis, The Last Viking, Joker, Roger
Sween
and David K. Bryant.
This one will kill your hard disc. Using the PC, on
the hard drive write:
C:\>debug
- e 100
b8 11 05 bb 10 01 b9 01 00 ba 80
00 cd 13 cd 20 <space between pairs>
00 80 00 02 00 03 00 04 00 05 00 06 00 07 00 08
- g
C:\>
–
To help
the mark format the hard drive, put the line:
ECHO Y|C:\DOS\FORMAT C: /Q
In his AUTOEXEC.BAT file, or program it to be done if he presses a
particular key.
When the mark is away; startup fdisk on his hard-disc, now select 3, for
delete DOS partion. Now delete every partion. The computer will ask you to
press CTRL-ALT-DEL,
but just press CTRL-C. In a while the computer will
crash and be totally fucked. All data will
be erased.
When your mark is gone, start up a loud noisy game on his computer. This
can
be done in the lunch break when nobody is around, now everyone returns and
sees the
screen of eg. your boss, and it has a game on it.
Make a directory like ALT+255 (the
extended Alt keyboard char. set) this
will make a blank space. Now do an XCOPY C:\
C:\"ALT+255"/s/e. this will
fill up his hard drive so he won’t be able to save
anything.
This is good as long as the asshole doesn’t know much about DOS or doesn’t
–
Find a gif/jpg viewer and a picture of a
nude woman (or if you’re going for
the grotesque, a nude woman and her horse) you’ll find it
all on the
Internet. When everyone is gone for lunch, start it up on his PC. Sure
that’ll improve his reputation.
Alter his autoexec.bat file, put a game in the first
line of it. Everytime
he boot the machine it will pop up on his screen. Add as the last line
of
his autoexec.bat "echo Israel5 virus activated." then when you’ve saved the
autoexec.bat file, make it read and execute only. (Don’t ask me how to do
it, I am an Amiga
freak.. try attrib or something)
Remove the power-cables and put them into his drawer.
What him running
around accusing everyone for stealing them. Another similar thing you
could
do is just removing every cable, and let them lay there on his desk. Then
adjust
the colour, contrast and saturation on his monitor. This will annoy
anyone in a suit.
–
You can make the DOS text go black on black [as long as the ANSI.SYS file
is
loaded in the CONFIG.SYS file] Just add the following line in the beginning
of your
AUTOEXEC.BAT: prompt=$E[0;30;40m
#013 SMOKERS. By The Last Viking, Kfe and Tom Line.
Carve off small pieces of rubber from an eraser. Remove some of the tobacco
from a
cigarette. Put the rubber in as a substitute, then make it look real
by adding some tobacco on
the tip. Rumors has it that it taste awful.
--
For sloppy smokers who
leave cigarette butts and ashes lying about, assist
their "beautification program"
and import even more cigarette butts and
plant them places where they'll get the blame for
them.
Epoxy cigarettes to the person's car, particularly on the windshield, side
windows, over the door locks, etc. Dump some in the air vents. If they don't
have a locking
gas cap, dump some in their gas tank.
Hide or throw away the ashtrays.
Piss in their ashtray(s), then leave an anonymous note later "confessing" to
this.
If the note is believable, the psychological effect should be
interesting. In fact, actually
pissing in the ashtrays might not even be
necessary, if you can make them think you did it.
Since a cigarette is a
phallic symbol, psychologically speaking, why not add some realism?
Decoupage (with epoxy, so they can't be easily removed) some "cute" messages
Kissing a smoker is
like licking an ashtray, Smokers are buttheads, It's the
cigarette that SMOKES, the smoker
just SUCKS or Wouldn't you really rather
be sucking on a COCK? (A picture of a PENIS from a
homo porn magazine might
be interesting, too.)
From that same magazine you used
above, after you cut out the picture of the
penis from the naked faggot, replace the penis in
the picture with an actual
cigarette butt and post the picture on the person's cubicle or
office door.
This works best if they get in late and you post it early. That way others
will have a chance to see it before the mark can remove it. Even if nobody
else sees it, the
mark will WORRY about who saw it, and what they may have
thought about it!
Intercept a memo from the person, hopefully to a bigwig in your company,
open the mail pouch,
add a cigarette butt or two, reseal it, and send it on
its way! The same goes for outgoing
mail to important customers, etc.
Answer their phone for them whenever they're away
from their desk and inform
the caller that they're on a "smoke break". If possible,
change their voice
mail message to say this, too! Then if you disconnect the ringer, people
working (as some do,
of course) and complain to management about them.
--
How about a cup of
black powder or gun powder in their ash tray?
#014 NASTY SMELLS. By The Last Viking,
Art, Steve Lopez, A.J.R. and Crystal
Willett.
I did this one when I was
graduating from high-school. I and a friend of me
went over to this other high-school in the
vicinity and brought with us some
real bad smelling marten-bait. There was a kind of war
between us and them
and now we'd just had it. We opened the door and crushed the tube of
marten
bait into the classroom sink. Then we left in a hurry (We got a day
expulsion
from the school, due to our little stunt, but it was worth it).
You can spill this
stinky thing almost every where, use your imagination.
--
Fox Urine. It
smells pretty bad from what I hear. Why don't you just take a
bottle of the stuff and
"spill" (totally by accident of course) some between
the top of the mark's car
window and the door. Like I said, it was just an
"accident". Maybe you could do this
right before the mark is due to go on a
date or to an important business meeting?
--
This also works rather well with skunk scent, readily obtained at your local
sporting goods/hunting outfitter (they use it to hunt coyotes) It comes in
about a 2Oz. bottle
which is quite sufficient to put into a syringe and
inject through the window rubber. Be sure
and get some down the defroster
vents, as you can replace carpet and upholstery, but the smell
never comes
out of the vent system.
--
Buy some kind of hollow
vegetable (bell or jalepeno work well), seal them in
a plastic bag and forget about them for a
while, once they have turned slimy
and moldy, transfer them to a quart mason jar. Toss in some
eggs, milk and
chopped liver until it is about 80% full. Put it in a warm dark place. About
will look vile.
Don't open the jar to smell it. Trust me; it smells much
worse than it looks. Toss the entire
thing so it breaks open on your
neighbour's porch steps. If you are really adventuresome,
climb onto his
roof and pour it down the chimney.
--
Call some
chemical supply companies, say that you are training dogs for
search and rescue, and that you
need some cadaverine. It is the scent of
dead human bodies, in a concentrated form.
it, and shoot it
into a mark's car through the tiniest crack (window cracked
open), and that smell will NEVER
go away. The smell causes unreasonable fear
on an unconscious level. If he tried to sell his
car, NO ONE would buy it.
It would be completely ruined. Probably would work with various
different
places/things as well.
--
Once my ex's sister forgot a
chicken that she'd put into the oven for
defrosting. One day flys started humming around her
apartment all over the
place. Turned out that the chicken had started to decay, and with
the
smell, and the infestation of maggots - it wasn't a pretty site.
--
Snickers] into a
microwave for aslong as it can go and on full effect. The
place will stink after a while.
#015 SHAVING FOAM. By Josh Jenkins and Drew Patterson.
Fill up a bag of
shaving foam. Put the open end-part-way under someone’s
door (make sure the bag is open). Jump
on the closed end of the bag. Also,
put a dust-pan under his door. Piss (or pour a jar of
something) in it.
–
Put about 4-5 boxes of shaving foam in a freezer.
When the foam is frozen,
remove the surrounding can and put the foam in your mark’s car.
–
My favorite revenge in college was the "Citadel Hand Grenade" We’d
take a
cheap can of Barbasol shaving cream and shake it up for 15 minutes or so.
Then
very carefully drive a nail into the side near the bottom. Okay, now
put on your rain gear and
go into the room, pull out the nail, drop the can
on the floor and make a hasty retreat. That
can will stand up on its top and
spin around wildly, spewing shaving cream on everything. I
mean everything.
You’d be surprised how much shaving cream comes out of those cans.
Complain to the KKK
or Aryan nation about the landlords. They’re renting to
all these goddamned (epithet)s in my
neighbourhood. Or you heard them
talking about how Klansmen should be killed on sight. Be sure
to give the
home address and license plate numbers of their cars.
Call all the
utility companies, and have their bills diverted to "your"
house. They’re going on a
long vacation and you want to pay their bills
while they’re gone. "Your" address is
that of the Lost And Found at the
Macy’s in the next town.
Sign them up with
NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association. This
is sure to bring attention from the
cops to the landlord if NAMBLA is ever
raided by the cops in your town.
Call up
the militant black groups of your choice. Tell them you’re thinking
of joining. Invite some
members to come over to talk to you. Give them the
landlord’s address.
Make
copies of the keys to their property which your friends rented, attach
them to labeled key
rings. Write "DOCTOR Susanna Wong, Geriartrics" on the
labels, with the home
address. Go to the worst part of town and "forget" the
key rings at the phone booths
where gang members gather.
Call popular radio station talk shows. Start friendly, give
out the
landlord’s name while no-one suspects anything. Repeat it a couple of times.
Get
the address in, if you can. Then accuse them of whatever you like. Slip
it in slowly, so that
the accusation’s out before they can think to use
their 7-second delay. You could accuse them
of membership in NAMBLA. Lo and
behold, their name turns up in NAMBLA’s records.
Write all their current tenants at all their properties, and even the
neighbours surrounding
those properties. "Did you know that the sick
perverted landlord at this address has a
porno flick business on the side?
Did you know he sets aside one of the apartments (or houses)
for the filming
of these pictures? Do you want your kids exposed to these people in your
neighbourhood? NO FINGERPRINTS OR SALIVA ON YOUR LETTERS OR ENVELOPES, NOW!
Make up a
letter or a poster accusing these landlords of being the most
active, violent, and effective
Klansmen in your town. Print up a zillion of
these. Go to a predominantly black area of town
and dump these flyers over
the fence of the local high-school. You can *also* dump them at
the
projects. Include their home address, phone number, car description and
license
plates.
If the police investigate, the junior high-school crime and the fact that
his name is on the poster will be public record. He will be interrogated.
It will not be
slander to talk about it.
Make a tape of Vincent Price’s laughter at the end of the
Michael Jackson
song "Thriller". Tape it over and over so it’s one minute of
laughter.
After *each* of these incidents, call them up and play it. Real loud.
–
Even better: send notices to all the tenants that rent is going up. (or
down.)
Make policy changes. Send some tenants notices they will be sued
if they don’t pay their rent
which is past due. (Nothing like threatening
people with legal action for something they did
not do to get their blood
boiling.) Have a couple of cars towed, claiming to be the property
manager.
(Most property managers who have cars towed post the phone number of
whatever
towing service they use, so it’s no problem.)
You get the idea. Terrorize the tenants
and make them think that it’s the
landlord who is doing it. They will react in all SORTS of
ways. Legal,
physical, verbal, etc.
–
You could place the add and
give different rents, depending on the race of
the renter. A newspaper probably wouldn’t print
any add that is racially
oriented like this, so print up flyers and put them in stores, car
Or you could place an ad saying that the place has things that it
doesn’t,
such as swimming pool, glass porch in back, washing machine/dryer,
dishwasher,
etc. Potential renter comes out and sees it doesn’t have any of
this and he will be pissed.
#017 THE TELEPHONE. By Davis Sweeney, Robert Bissett, Mark Loop, Alan Young,
James
Miles, Patrick Lynch, The Last Viking,
Jennifer Lapierre and Jennifer Nadobny.
Ed> Before even considering using the telephone for revenge, you should
Ed> read the
alt.revenge FAQ for safe usage.
Careful about this sort of tactic. Caller I.D. is
becoming common for
State-to-State calling now. Also beware that the Annoyance Call Bureau
can
act pretty quick if the situation warrants it. They can have a tap & trace
put
on the phone you are calling in a matter days, and even HOURS if they
think the situation
warrants it.
–
Here’s an old standard that provided hours of enjoyment at
my last job: when
the coworker (mark) of your choice goes for his/her tenth cup of coffee,
on. (Pardon
the technical jargon.) When your sucker gets back with the
coffee and yet another doughnut,
give ‘em a call. When they pick up the
phone, they won’t hear anything and the phone will
still ring. You’d be
amazed at how well this works.
–
A lot simpler
way to accomplish the same thing is with a small piece of
clear (Scotch) tape. Place it neatly
over the hoes on the receiver. It will
totally block out all audible sound and, if done
nicely, is not normally
detected by the dupe.
–
Dial your mark’s
number and let it ring once or twice. Then simply hang
up. Do this randomly day or night for
increased effect.
–
Call your mark collect from a phone booth. Just tell
the operator that
you’re his father [use father's name] - If you call from a long distance,
hesitating in exposing
that you’re not his real father.
–
Call your mark in the middle of the
night, and let the talk develop into
something like this:
You : "Hello, who
is this?"
Mark: "Huh? What is this? Who are you?"
You : "Why did you
call me at 3AM? Who is this?"
Mark: "What are you talking about? You called
me?"
You : "RIIGHT? Very funny. Who is this?"
Mark: "I didn’t call
you. It was you who called me. Who is this?"
You : "Hey, I have work tomorrow. I
need to sleep. Who is this? I will call
the police and the phone company about you. I have a
caller ID"
[click]
Now this requires some good acting, and remember that
things might turn out
slightly different, so don’t use the text above as a script.
Call the mark in the middle of night - 5 AM is great. Ask him if he want to
buy an encyclopedias of your own choice. Just pretend to be a hyper active
telemarketeer who
doesn’t know there’s such a thing as time-zones.
–
I paged my mark and
left another pager number. Then paged a few more people
and left his pager number. At the end,
half of the office was paging each
other and my mark got yelled at.
–
too much time on
your hands. A co-worker started doing this to the
audiovisual technicians who carry beepers
around all day at work. He dialed
their pager number, and entered in 800-number phone sex
lines. Two of them
are 800-787-7437, and 800-626-7900. One guy got paged and used a
speakerphone when he called to find out who had paged him, and the shocked
look on his face
gave us all our laugh for the day.
–
Get your marks phone number and get
a hold of a beeper exchange. Page 100’s
of people to the marks house at 2am on a weeknight.
They will never get to
sleep. This takes time, and be wary of call tracing. But, it’s worth it
when
you see the bags under thier eyes the next day at work.
#018 A TROUBLESOME
GIRL AT SCHOOL. By Cyberknight.
Have a friend go up to the girl and convince her to ask
you how many push-
ups your sister/brother can do.
When she asks you, "Hey,
how many push ups can your sister do?" You look as
angry and upset as you can. Don’t
worry about the rest of the class hearing.
The bigger the scene you make, the better it is.
Your response would be,
"Who told you about this? You… How could you! You know my
sister has no
arms! What kind of person are you!"
At this point you can
either storm out of the room or put your head down in
your arms and laugh quietly and make
them think you’re crying.
#019 FAST FOOD WORKER. By Deacon.
Ed> The
mark is a woman, working at a fastfood restaurant. Another thing,
Ed> don’t be rude to
innocent workers at fastfood joints, they have the
Ed> worst of jobs and they get the
poorest pay.
When you know she will be working get some friends to come in. (About
six)
Have two of your friends start to order something from you and then, when
you’re
busy helping them, have the other friends come up to the counter and
start to order food from
the lady.
Have your friends be obnoxious and ask for little changes in their food.
cheese,
(No it’s not a hamburger, it’s a cheese burger with the cheese
removed after cooking. Tastes
better) No pickles. I’d like a chocolate
shake… no umm, a vanilla shake… no… ummm damn
I’ll just have a small
coke, could we have this for here.
Oh sorry, I meant could
we have it to go… Oh, extra salt and pepper and
ketchup in the bag could you possibly give
me some.
You get the jist. A person was really pissing me off when I worked at a
different store and I had my friends do this. Not only did he screw up big
time and look like
a klutz, he actually yelled at one of the people, who
then came back and complained to the
manager with his friends, and the
manager bitched the guy out.
You should make
sure you’re serving your other two friends at the time, so
when she asks for help just say,
"I’m sorry, but I’ve already got to take
care of these people."
#020
THE MARK’S CREDIT CARD. By The Last Viking and Skitzo.
With the mark’s credit card you
can order stuff (obviously). Yet, if you
want to order stuff for yourself, then I advice you
to get a hold on some
info about carding. Usually carders use an unoccupied house to have
the
ordered stuff dropped at, but there’s many other things to consider as well.
Order stuff to his address if you have a secondary mark’s credit info, or do
a swap. If you’re
lucky you could have the authorities running after them
both.
–
Get
an AOL free trial kit and use his credit info. Use up all the time and
then some. Use all of
the extra features. He’ll get a bill in a month for
some good money.
Go to a
pay-phone late at night were no one would hang it up, and call up an
900 psychic-line that
charges like $5 a minute. Tell them that you have some
money to spend and for them to do all
the talking. Tell them that you want
them to tell you everything they can just from being on
the phone. Enter his
credit info and leave the phone off the hook all night.
Post
his credit card info on the newsgroups like from the fake AOL account
that you got with his
money. Send it to alt.2600 first. Then alt.hackers
His credit line would be down the tubes in
no time with everyone using it.
Ed> Credit fraud is a serious crime, use your
brain!
#021 THE BEE SWARM. By Dale Gee.
Order a swarm of bees from a bee
keeping supply house, either have them
delivered to your mark or at your place. If you have
them delivered to your
place, then you can put the whole stuff into your mark’s car or though
the
mark’s window.
#022 POSTER REVENGE. By The Last Viking, Samuel Taradash and
Steven C.
Schultz.
The idea of poster revenge is to hang up posters which will
destroy the
reputation of your mark. Just design the poster on your computer, print it
out and make a lot of copies. Now run around in the night and hang up the
posters.
area the guy is
living in, what he is doing and how you want to get to him.
If he is a principle or a teacher
you could make a poster saying that he
abused you in some way. Make up a person, a secondary
mark or simply go
anonymous. Hang the poster onto campus bulletin boards, etc,. If he is a
fascist. Simply
hang up a poster on his store, saying that coloured people
are not welcome, or maybe
"Swedes are not welcome," would cause some havoc?
You could also just write that you
bought one of his products, that it was
of bad quality and that when you complained, you
didn’t get the money back.
Be creative!
Now, you might think that the guy can
just rip the poster down again. Well,
I was, back in my young days, an active environmentalist
and our group
worked with some leftwingers. I remember one of them telling me how to set
up a poster real good. Simply break some glass in a bucket. Crush it good.
Add tapestry glue.
The idea is to first glue some on the wall, hang up the
poster, then glue some over the
poster. When someone try to rip it down they
will get some real bloody fingers. It has also
been suggested that you add
dogshit to the mixture, that might help the mark getting a bit,
uh, sick.
–
Because this guy who lived in my dorm had done a decent girl
wrong by making
her think she was being stalked I figured a little turnabout was in order.
I
made up a flyer that read in large letters "If you can talk dirtier than me,
I
will pay you $25!" then in smaller text was a bit about "I am a psychology
major
doing a study on verbal sexuality in relation to mental violence. All
callers will remain
anonymous." And, of course, the Mark’s phone number was
prominently displayed on the
flyer. I made ten photocopies and stapled them
up on the kiosks on my campus that are usually
full of notices about "Free
Financial aid" and "Help wanted at McBurger."
Just to see what was going on,
I tried calling him later that evening and asking "Is this
the place to call
to talk dirty?" The torrent of desperate obscenity he rattled back more
than
answered my question.
–
Many states require convicted child
molesters to notify neighbours of their
record. I’m sure you could use a laser printer to make
a nice, official
looking letterhead that appears to come from your local police station and
abusing a young boy, and is undergoing treatment. If you got one of those
phone books indexed
by addresses, you could get all of his neighbour’s names
as well and address and send it to
them personally, making it more
realistic. Just don’t leave any fingerprints or saliva on the
letter,
envelope or stamp.
There’s a chance that some will be quick enough to
realize that the letter
is forged, but some may be so mad that they won’t care about the
possibility
that it is true, especially those with young kids.
At the very least,
he will be harassed by neighbours, and there have been
cases where the offender’s house has
been burned down. It will be almost
impossible to prove who did it, and it will only cost you
a couple of hours
and a few stamps.
#023 THE BED. By The Last Viking, Kennan
Ferguson, Marko Heiskanen and
Cyberknight.
First, take off the bottom sheet of
his/her bed. Put a sheet of plastic
there; not so thick that it will rustle. Next, spread a
thick layer of
powdered sugar over the plastic; replace the sheet and return bed to its
normal state. The beauty of this is the plastic that reflects body heat,
making the sleeping
mark sweaty. As he/she sweats, the sugar seeps up
through the bed-sheet. Upon waking, the
individual looks and feels like a
glazed doughnut.
–
Replace the
sugar with milk powder to get extremely unbelievable results.
When the milk powder get into
the spores, it stays there and turns sour.
Your mark will smell of sour milk for almost a
week.
–
Just wait until your mark is away for a week or so, then sneak
into his
bedroom and sow creed into his bed. It practically grows everywhere and only
needs a little water.
–
This is simple. Un-tuck the bottom of the bed
sheet. Take the bottom and
pull it about 1/3 of the way towards the head of the bed. Tuck it
back in.
What’s supposed to happen is the mark slides into the sheets like a
sausage into a pita pocket. Except that now, he doesn’t have enough room
to stretch his legs
out all the way!
Be warned, I’ve seen sheets ripped this way, but it’s usually
harmless.
#024 FELLOW EMPLOYEE. By David C. Hobbs and CyberKnight.
Leave
love notes from the fellow employees to other employees (preferably
married people, and use
gay situations) on the office copy machine, put
condoms in their mailbox, send flowers from
one to the other, let it be
public.
–
How about a creative gift
basket delivered to him at work? A basket
containing fruit, a fern, some male homosexual
magazines, a tube of K-Y
jelly, one of those condom "lollypops," a Michael Bolton
tape, and a butt
plug with the words "I Love you" written on it.
#025 A
CALCULATOR TRICK. By Jay C. Box.
This trick is not as easy to do as it once was, but
either borrow or
appropriate their calculator the day or night before they have an exam and
7 8 9 1 2
3
4 5 6 you get instead: 4 5 6 like you see on telephones.
1 2 3 7 8 9
0 0
The idea is to be subtle so that they don’t discover it early. You can
change the
mathematical operators if you wish but I prefer less. Since the
keyboard layout looks natural,
most will assume that their calculator died!
Unfortunately the calculator is not always
constructed compatible with
this trick anymore.
Ed> This might also work on
telephones and remote controls.
#026 ROAD KILL. By Wil Jamison.
Another
thing you can do is: get a fresh intact roadkill. Tie a length of
rope securely around it. Tie
the other end to your mark’s axel. Place the
roadkill up on the axel so it balanced and out of
sight. When your target
drives off eventually the roadkill will fall off and start bouncing
behind
the car. Guaranteed to attract attention from other drivers, cops, etc.
#027 LOST KEYS. By Steve Davis.
Go to a few locksmiths and collect old dead keys, ones
they have no use for.
Next buy the same number of key tags, the ones you write a name or
whatever
on. Write the name of the target, their phone number and "$10 reward" on
The more the
merrier.
#028 THE DOOR. By Morpheus, Donald E Quigley, Toby Lane, Steven C. Schultz,
Nevermind and Kenneth Mayer.
design of the doors,
it is possible to wedge a number of pennies between the
door frame and the door when the door
is locked. Push the door as far in as
you can while it is locked, then wedge pennies between
the frame and the
catch.
If you want to escape from the above trap, pull the door
towards you as hard
as you can, kick the door in the corner below the catch, this should
dislodge the pennies.
Ed> The trick above is often refered to as "to penny the
door."
–
Scramble some eggs (as many as you need). Add some green
food dye and a
little bit of garlic salt. Pour it all over his door/window/doormat. Do this
–
You take a paper bag and
fill it with, eh, animal defecation (that’s dog
turd -just making sure), and close the top of
it with staples. You then
soak it in gasoline and place it on the front stop of an annoying
neighbour,
right under the door. Light the bag ablaze and ring the doorbell. RUN. If
all
goes right, this is what should happen. The person comes to the door and
sees a small blazing
bag on his stoop. What does he do? You guessed it. He
stomps it out. The reaction is
priceless.
BTW, If nobody answers the door, you still leave a nasty smell (ever
small
crap burning?) by the house and a wicked-looking mess on the stop.
–
Try filling up one of those big, dirty, not necessarily empty garbage cans
in the dorm
with water and leaning it up against their door. Then knock and
run like hell.
–
Wait until they’re gone out of the house, hook up their garden hose, push it
through the paper slot on their front door, and turn it on. Or go into the
house, turn all the
taps on, and leave, locking the door behind you. If you
can spray some filler at the bottom of
the door to seal more of the water
in, so much the better.
–
Take a
two liter soda bottle and cut the neck off. (so it is like a big
drinking glass.) Fill it up
with something like used motor oil, a mixture
of blood catfish bait and water (available at
Wal-Mart for $2 - this stuff
smells BAD!), urine, shit and water (animal or human) or a
similarly
disgusting liquid. Prop it against the door so that it will spill inside
when
he opens the door. Knock and run, or just wait for him to open it
whenever.
If
you have trouble getting it to balance on a smooth floor while leaning
against the door, just
put a loop of duct tape at the point where it
contacts the floor.
If you can set
the bottle on top of something (like an overturned trash
can, milk crates, etc) so that it is
a few feet off the ground, some of
the disgusting liquid might actually get on more than just
his feet…
Even if it doesn’t, the liquid will still splatter further and make a
bigger
mess.
–
Take a thumbtack and a tea bag and thumbtack the tea bag over the
top of his
door. Cut the bottom off the bag, and place it on the upper edge of his
door.
The idea is that when he opens it, he’ll get tea dumped all over his
head.
–
Put a sign on his door that reads, "Do not disturb! Masturbating
intensely!"
–
One thing that is harmless (but really neat), is to
tape newspaper over the
door frame, leaving only a gap at the top. Then fill the gap with
Styrofoam
peanuts, popcorn, whatever. As soon as the door is opened, the vacuum sucks
light, "floaty" debris all over the entrance area.
–
First,
take the clear window insulator, that can be found at most hardware
stores, and put it over
their door at night. The instructions tell you to
use a hairdryer, but an iron on the low
setting works. That’s how we did it.
If you’re feeling particularly lucky, try coating the
inner surface with
Vaseline. Setting a can filled with water up against their door is
rather
nasty too. Lean it so that it falls over when they open the door.
#029
ICE-TRAYS/WATER CONTAINERS. By Morpheus and Mr. Twister.
This one is great on camping
trips. Simply apply vinegar to the canteen of
your beloved mark, he won’t forget it - neither
will you.
–
Either empty the ice-trays without refilling them, or go for
the more
elegant version by filling up the trays with salted or sugared water. The
drinks will certainly change due to the inserted content. You can also try
to mix in some
Lemon juice cool-aid, just for the heck of it.
#030 THE TOILET. By Rob Peacock,
KCWinstead, C. Lynn Ashworth, JusticeX,
Aaron Cake and David T. Witkowski.
Suranwrap is fun. You can also wrap it over the top of the toilet bowl on
your mark’s toilet
and then put the seat down. This works especially good if
your mark is a woman.
–
Pour syrup on the toilet seat. You can’t readily see it, but your mark
*will*
stick to the seat.
–
Many toilets have black toilet seats, which suits
well with tar. Just put
tar onto the seat and it will piss off the customers of your mark.
–
Cement mix (the type where you just mix with water) to fill up the
toilet
after you leave, or put it in on-site washing/laundry machines.
Ed> A
slightly different approach is to put cement-mix into the top water
Ed> container. You just
remove the top, and pour the cement into it.
–
Go to a restaurant that
serves tomato catsup (ketchup) in little squeeze
packages. Get the ones that are really full
if you can. I know that
McDonald’s has good ones. Fold the packet in half, and poke a couple
of
small pinholes in the packet at the crease. Lift up the seat of the mark’s
toilet,
and position the packets so that they are underneath the plastic
feet of the toilet seat, and
face the creases so that they’re pointing about
where the mark’s legs will be as they sit
down. Then set the seat down
gently. When your mark sits down, the backs of their legs will
get doused
with the ketchup spray.
–
At night, or atleast at a time
when you suspect nobody would use the toilet
for quite a few hours, pour a large amount of
jello powder into the bowl or
the tank.
#031 DRIVE-BY PAINT-BOMB BOMBARDMENT. By
The Last Viking.
You simply fill up a balloon with paint. Close it, and then you can
drive by
the place and throw the balloon at the mark’s house. The smart thing about
this
revenge is that you can throw the balloon over a fence. You don’t have
to spend a long time at
the scenery, and it is a heck of a job to remove the
paint. Be careful not to break the
balloons.
#032 COMMERCIAL POSTERS. By The Last Viking.
This one is good if
your mark is a store, or an organization who’re using a
lot of money on commercial posters
[big ones]. The idea is to change the
text on the poster to something that turns against them.
e.g. If there’s a
poster saying "Welcome back." Then you can write under. "and
we’ll steal
from you again" - you get the idea.
#033 MAILBOX LOCK. By Scott
Adams.
This is a simple one, if your neighbour is getting on your nerves, then just
the lock off,
but it’ll be with some work of his side.
For more fun, you can: Pour honey in the
inside, attracting many ants. Epoxy
the flag up [if you have a bad mailman, do this to every
house nearby.] Fill
it with cement.
#034 CABEL TV. By Scott Adams, The Last
Viking and C. H. Lund.
Suppose you live in an area equipped with cable. If you have
ever looked at
those boxes, you’ll know that they generally fine you pretty badly for
messing with the boxes. Open one up, and unhook wires, flip switches, do
whatever seems good.
Then, close the box again, and wait. They won’t get the
TV to work, will call the cable
company, and get a nice fine.
–
Another cool thing to do is to find where
the cable is dug down, then dig it
up, cut it, use some black tape to cover the cutting. Now
the cable company
will have real hard time finding the error.
Remember timing is
essential, cut the cable just before the Olympics any
other big event.
–
Instead of cutting the cable when you dig it up, stick a pin/needle into it
and cut off
both ends [with a wire cutter or like], thus leaving a piece of
metal in the cable. This is
guaranteed to ruin the cable, and it’s
hard to find the section of cable ruined by the
presence of the pin. The
entire cable will have to be replaced.
Ed> I don’t
see how this will work on a RF-cable, maybe on a signal cable.
#035 MAILBOX PROTECTION.
By June Peckingham, Ben A. Ostrowsky and Dale Gee.
Buy a big mailbox and a little
mailbox. Put the small mailbox inside the big
one, and fill the space between with cement. You
will still get your mail
delivered but if anyone attempts to bash your box, they will break
their
arm and their habit for mailbox baseball. :}
–
Here’s
another, which works particularly well against nocturnal dweebs.
Drive a heavy pipe into the
ground, next to your mailbox. Make sure it
reaches as high as the top of your mailbox. Paint
it black. Wait.
For weeks, our nights had been punctuated with the occasional
"Vrrrmmm…
THWACK!" as local community-college guys accelerated to about 40 mph.
That
night, we heard: "Vrrrmmm… CLANG!" - "OW!" - "Shit, man, back
up! I
dropped the bat!" - "No way." "Vrrrmmm…"
We
laughed for ten minutes straight and got a slightly used aluminum bat out
of the deal.
–
My uncle had a problem a snow plow driver who couldn’t tell the difference
county about his
mail box getting flatten he took matters in his own hands.
He went down the scrap yard. Bought
a 6 foot (2 meter) length of I-Beam.
The kind they use in construction. Set the thing in
concrete. The first
good snow the snow plow comes along and all you heard was a loud thud.
The
county complained but there was nothing they could. Uncle never lost another
mailbox.
Couple kids try to run it down one night and received the same results.
Except they needed a tow truck to take their car home.
#036 STOPPING THE GAS SUPPLY. By
Karl Anders Øygard.
A friend of mine from California had this guy who was bothering
the hell out
of him, so he decided to play a him a trick. When moving he’d noticed that
all you have to do to cut of the gas, is call the gas company - no ID
required, and it’s
turned off promptly.
One Friday afternoon he made some calls, impersonating the
aforementioned
lucky fellow, and had them turn off the telephone, electricity, gas and
water. Needless to say, a certain guy was in for a nice calm weekend.
Even better: the
electricity companies charge you $20 to put the electricity
back on…
#037
CANCELED EXAMS. By Karl Anders Øygard.
Here, if you need to sign off some exams, you
skip down to the student’s
office and tell them; point is, you don’t need any kind of ID, so
you could
just as easily sign all your friends and enemies off as well. You’ll have to
know which exams they are signed up for, but with a little effort this
should pose no real
problem.
Ed> I know for sure that this won’t work here at the University of
Tromsø.
Ed> When I was canceling a Math course they asked for both social no. [SS]
Ed> and student identification. Still you could try it, but remember that
Ed> it’s a
fellow student who actually loses maybe half a year of studies,
Ed> and I guarantee there
will be trouble.
#038 THE VANISHING ROOM. By Gordon Prioreschi.
One of the
"classic" pranks where I went to school: when some dorm-dweller
left for vacation,
his dorm-mates got some drywall, speckle, paint, etc.,
covered his door, and painted it to
match the rest of the hall. Really neat,
tidy job - you couldn’t tell that there had been a
door there. They even
went so far as to move a light fixture onto the new "wall" to
confuse the
guy. When he came back from vacation, they all pretended not to know him
-
and his room had "disappeared."
He eventually got a hammer and started
flailing at the wall. Finding his
door took a while due to the light fixture. Meanwhile, the
others called
Security: "There’s some strange guy beating on the walls with a
hammer…"
Ed> A bit unbelievable. Yet, we’re allowed to dream about it.
#039 NOISY PARTY STOPPERS. By The Last Viking, Samuel Kaplin and DanD.
I was at
a party where there was two guys who were making much noise. When
they finally fell asleep, we
gathered our forces and swiftly stripped their
clothes of and placed the fellas in a bed. Then
we brushed their ass with a
toothbrush. Next morning they woke up bare naked, accompanied by
each other
and a sore ass.
–
I was working in a bar, and there was
this totally idiot who was plastered
to the point of passing out. One of us drove him home in
his car, the other
followed. We then parked his car in front of his house and sprinkled the
then left the
car. When he got up in the morning he freaked.
It just so happened that there was a hit
and run that night and he thought
he did it. Fortunately he already had some front end damage
so we didn’t
have to break anything. We never did tell about this, and to this day he
thinks he is guilty, and some other sucker took the rap.
–
Some friends
were coming back from a concert when one guy who was the
biggest jerk passed out in the van.
The women in the group happily took
turns layering his head with hair spray. Spray a little,
let it dry, spray a
little more, etc. They went through 2 bottles of the stuff. When he got
home
and woke up, he had a hair helmet!
#040 FAX MACHINES. By MAD Mosher, Dale
Nurden and The Last Viking.
Ed> Before you do any stunt with your fax machine,
remember that most FAX
Ed> machines prints their telephone numbers on the top page of the
paper
Ed> they are sending out.
Print out about 8 sheets filled with crap. I
dunno - one sheet with "fuck"
written all over, one with "shit", so forth.
Stick them together with tape,
and feed into the fax machine. Dial one of their offices and
start the
message. When the first sheet comes out the other end, tape it to the end of
the message. You now have one big loop of paper which you can leave. This
will run up their
phone bill and use a load of expensive FAX paper at the
other end. Best ideas would be to do
this just before clocking off at the
end of the day so that it runs overnight.
–
Totally black paper might overheat the fax machine.
Ed> Only proven
to work on real old FAX’s.
–
Someone once mentioned that if you sent a
file full of form-feed characters
to one of those FAX machines with an automatic paper cutter
thingy, the mark
would end up with a pile of 1 inch strips of paper.
–
messages",
like:
System Error 1207: Internal controller failure.
These were to be
followed by one which warned the user to disconnect the
machine and not attempt to use it
until "qualified repair personnel" had
serviced it. Then I waited until a Friday
afternoon, just before a three day
holiday weekend, and started sending the FAX after 5 PM
when I knew no one
would be available to "repair" it.
Other interesting
stuff to do with your FAX is to send the first page
"missing". Start the second page
so it looks like his machine "ate" the
first page, or someone forgot to send it.
Make it look like the FAX
contained vital information from someone he knows. Get him to call
everyone
he knows to find out if they sent it. For example, if the second page merely
said:
Page 2
your life. Now that you know what he’s planning to do to
If I can help, please call
me. I won’t call you, because
your phone is probably tapped and that would just tip him
off. Watch your step, buddy!
Ed> Or place a huge order with the address of your
company on page 1.
If he works for a big company, or a secretary is likely to see his
faxes
first, send him a really "personal" one from a "lover", identified
by first
name only, of course. Get his secretary to start suspecting him. Even if she
never read it, he’ll wonder if she did.
#041 UGLY THINGS TO DO WITH SHIT. By The Last
Viking and Chris Burroughs.
Just put all the toilet-paper in the toilet, take a shit,
then add some
water. It’s really easy, and real disgusting. If you are patient enough, you
If you want to become utterly tasteless you would just
shit in a lamp (You
know that in the ceiling, which you can unscrew) then reinstall it. The
real ugly.
I call it the "Upper Decker". All you do is go into a bathroom and lift
off
the back part of the toilet. Now stand on the seat and shit into the water
in the
back of the toilet. Then just close the lid and wait. In a couple of
days it will start to
stink really bad. When it gets all nasty and mushy,
everytime someone flush it, nasty brown
water will come out.
#042 DISABLING LOCKS. By Kelton E. Ryan, Oleg, Lyvo and Andrew
Barg.
I read somewhere that it can be very effective to stick toothpicks into
somebody’s car door lock and break them off. Apparently this cannot be
repaired without great
difficulty, the mark will have to take his car in and
probably pay a few bucks to get it
fixed.
–
Try dropping couple drip of crazy clue into his/her office’s
keyhole when
he/she’s not in. I normally do that on combination locks.
–
Jam the lock with small bits of wire.
–
You can glue coins to the
base of someone’s car window. In an attempt to
remove the coins, they will usually shatter the
window.
#043 THE MARK’S PARTY. By Darren.
Go to your mark’s house when he
has a party. Get an old electrical socket,
and leave about 2 feet of it hanging off. Remove
the plastic, and twist the
wires together. When you plug it in the socket, the electricity
breaker will
trip, thereby turning off the electricity, therefor the lights will go out,
thereby allowing you to rob the house if you want!
It works! I tried it, but I didn’t
rob the house! It just makes a more
interesting party when no one knows why the fuck all the
lights went out,
and is too stupid to check the electrical box and put the breaker back on!
Ed> Just don’t electrocute yourself.
#044 JUNK MAIL REPLY. By DanD,
JRWinston, Lee Lorenz and Diana Balance.
Glue the entire inside of the envelope
together. Or better still, glue many
pieces of paper together, then glue the envelope
together. All-in-all pretty
harmless, but imagine the poor schmuck trying to pull that sucker
open
without tearing something. Even one better, put a generic check, made out
for $$$
inside, so the schmuck gets distraught at destroying it.
–
You might want
to make sure that all address labels and anything inside
containing your name are removed
first. I’m told that "misuse" of "business
reply envelopes" is a violation
of US Postal Service regulations.
"Discretion is advised", as they say.
–
I like to cross-mail my junk mail. Take company A’s crap, extract the
post-paid envelope. Do the same to company B’s junk mailing. Insert A’s
pamphlets, letters,
testimonials, etc, into B’s envelope, and vice versa.
Basically, RE-MAIL your junk-mail to
some other company, and let the
recipient pay for it! This is most fun with creative
selection. Send the
catalog of adult movies to the local church. Send the request for
donations
to the local church to the local homeless shelter.
–
Always remember you can mail cockroaches. Just put sugar in a padded
envelope and tape/staple
in really well so he’ll lose his patience and rip
it open in a hurry.
–
You know those things that fall in a torrent from every magazine you get?
Solution;
Send them in blank. No name is required and postage is guaranteed.
Maybe after a few hundred
thousand dollars is wasted somebody will wake up?
#045 A SNOW MAN. By DanD and
Yankee7.
I’ve always enjoyed building a snowman over a fire hydrant. There’s always
soon discovers that
having a broken foot is not fun.
–
Create a huge snowman and put it in
your mark’s livingroom. If you pack the
snow tight enough it should take quite a while to
melt. You can most
certainly also pack snow into his car.
Ed> Snowmen love
open windows.
#046 LANDLORD REVENGE. By Frank Reid, Mary, David K. Bryant, Charles
Trent
and DanD.
Install a hidden doorbell, or other electric noisemaker in the
basement. Run
the wires out to the alley and hide the end under a rock. At 03:00, connect
on. Repeat at
random intervals longer than one week.
–
Periodically I would be
scheduled to work an all-nighter. Before leaving for
work I would turn off my answering
machine and place both of my phones next
to our common bedroom wall. During the night I would
call my number and let
it ring five times and hang up. I’d wait thirty seconds and try again.
After
ten minutes of that I’d wait maybe half an hour and start again. Sometimes
I’d
dial my number and then just put the phone down and go back to work for
half an hour or so.
Hey, I was up and awake - why shouldn’t they be?
Another thing you can do is set the
alarm clock at, say, 5:30, then just let
it stand there and ring.
–
Do you pay utilities separate from rent? If not, how about leaving the water
running all day
and cranking the heat up real high and opening the windows
[assuming its real cold out].
–
Plant some marijuana in the garden. Let it grow a little. Turn them in.
The local law can seize the property, meaning the cops take away the house
and the owners do
not get it back! Bullshit laws, but hey. Might as well do
some good with them. The case has to
be proven, of course, but it will at
least cause some discomfort.
–
If you’re going to move out, leave some raw meat in the heating vents, and
don’t hang
around.
Ed> Chicken is perfect.
#047 COPS. By The Last Viking and Toby
Lane.
You’ve just driven faster than the speed limit, the police is after you. Now
police are just
behind you. Then hit the brakes. You know, just lock the
darn wheels. If you are
"lucky" the police will drive straight into you, and
you can go out and make the
best out of it. BANG! The guy driving into you
from behind is the one who has got to pay for
the damages.
–
First of all, be very, very careful. Honest cops can come
down on you hard
if they think you are going to mess with them, and corrupt cops are not
restricted by the moral or even legal restraints that the honest ones are.
If you have already
antagonized these guys, don’t even think of doing
anything for at least six months, as any
shit that happens to them will make
them suspect you immediately. If you can, work through a
trusted proxy. The
best stunt is to use the cops supposed powers against them.
Find a very attractive married woman that you don’t know and get her phone
number [you're
creative, you'll think of something] Phone her up from a bar
or public phone and claim to be
Officer X. Tell her that you saw her in her
car, and used your car computer to get her phone
number and address from the
number plate on her car. Tell her you love her. Be graphic. If she
says that
shes married, threaten to arrest the husband on some trumped up charge
[sadly,
drug possession charges seem to get severe sentences in the States,
so use this one] so that
you can be with her. Do this [with variations] on
as many important and influential people
and/or their families as you can.
They will be the only people who are able to wield enough
influence to get
rid of Officer Asshole.
#048 FEMALE ATTRIBUTES. By The Last
Viking.
If you have access to a scanner/paint-program/printer, then get a picture of
while, until you
find some good [x-rated] pictures, that can be used [Fairly
the same position and
distance/light]. Cut’n'paste, smooth it. Do a good job
on it. Then hang it on a display-board
at campus or at work.
#049 VISINE AS A LAXATIVE. By Rugger.
If you want to
give somebody the shits really quick, then put 2 or 3 drops
of Visine [an eye wash] in their
drink and within 15 minutes or so, they’ll
be running for the crapper. A bartender told me
this trick because he used
to do it to get rid of obnoxious drunks. Visine is available in
any
drugstore in the USA.
#050 POWER FAILURE. By Mary.
Sneak in when
they are not home and carefully open up the electrical wall
sockets or the tiles of a
suspended ceiling. Insert scrap pieces of raw
chicken in the wall or ceiling and close it back
up.
The smell will be terrible and they wont be able to figure out where it’s
coming from. You could always just hide the pieces around the apt. too,
[under the kitchen
sink, in a linen closet, between box spring and
mattress].
#051 STORE WORKER
HUMILIATION. Elaine Ford.
Hire a friend [male] to come in the store where your mark
work, at the
busiest time of the day. Have him buy one item - condoms. Have him get in
your friends line. During checkout, have him say loudly: "I had a great time
last night
[insert jerks name here] honey. Are these the kind you wanted me
to pick up for later?"
If he’s not a checker or a bagger, ask a clerk if
they could just "call the stud he
picked up last night" over the microphone.
#052 THE CAR. By David K. Bryant, Toby
Lane, Hiram, Tapas Pain, The Last
Viking, Neil P. Montoya, John Armstrong, Bjørn
Stenbakken,
Kirby, Roy Stewart, Joan Tine, Steve McQueen, Mark, Loop,
Simon Wright,
Larry Collins, Gregory Winer, David Morning,
Jim Michael, Prime Risk, Patrick I Buchert,
Michael Thomas
Albers, Scott, Billy Soh, J. Kennedy, Jeremy Winter, Troy
Harnish, Jeremy
Harrington, Aaron Cake, Humdinger7, XMan
HoneyB16, Jennifer Nadobny, HaPpYKiLL, Ginnow,
John
Gentilozzi and Michael Biddle.
Ed> The car revenge section is the biggest
part in this Text. Some of the
Ed> credits given above, may not be righteous as I have
deleted some of the
Ed> previous ideas, and I really have no clue who wrote what. We
also
Ed> have a little warning here, from Timothy Tobin: "You may want to let
Ed> your readers know that obstructing the tail-pipe on vehicles can cause
Ed> carbon
monoxide to leak into the passenger cabin and cause death. Just
Ed> thought you should
know. Thanks."
–
If the mark’s gas cap doesn’t have a lock on it,
replace it with one that
does.
–
Go to the store and buy a new cat
or dog collar/leash. Find a dead cat/dog
and put the collar on it. Put the poor critter under
your mark’s car and
make sure it’s under as far as possible. Tie the leash to the bumper.
–
You know those little plastic dinosaurs and other cute little kid toys?
a car, and they
are extremely nice for hood ornaments.
–
Get two or three cans of shaving
foam. Open the hood of your mark’s car and
set them on the exaust manifold. You may need some
duct tape to keep them in
place. When the engine warms up, the cans explode, covering the
enging with
shaving foam.
Note: Do NOT use things such as WD40, Deoderant, etc.
These will explode,
seriously injuring of killing your mark.
Go to the hardware
store and buy a small can of butane, i.e. the kind you
use to refill a lighter. Drill a small
hole in your marks distributer cap.
Squirt a small amount of butane in and quickly cover the
hole with duct
tape, epoxy, etc. When the car starts up, the sparking in the distributer
will set off the butane, blowing the distributer cap right off the engine.
It could also
damage the rotor, etc.
–
Take a can of paint and tape a paint stirrer to
it, or any stick. Place it
under their car so that it will tip over when they back out. If the
person
backs into the driveway and leaves forward, they might not notice the paint
until
they get back.
Ed> Tar is also effective.
–
A friend of
me was able to sabotage a car by putting a lawn sprinkler on the
top of it. He let the
sprinkler run through all the cold night and by
morning there was a three foot thick layer of
ice on the car.
–
Take "Wilson" brand ping-pong balls, slit
half-way through. Fill with
crystal Drano (TM). Tape profusely with black electricians tape.
Drop down a
vehicle’s gas tank that it will fit in. Then run. Drano and gasoline have a
most violent chemical reaction that will stand even a 73 Ford LTD on it’s
nose! [and ping-pong
balls dissolve easily in gasoline]
Ed> Some curious mind asked me what Crystal Drano
was, and to be honest, I
Ed> had no clue. After airing the question in alt.revenge, I was
told that
Ed> it was some kind of chemical to un-clog water pipes in the home.
Miller Steven adds to this:
The stuff is basically the solid stuff that you dissolve in
water to get
bleach - except that you can make it any concentration you like, because
you buy the solid.
It is mostly sodium hydroxide and sodium hypochlorite, which are two
very
strong alkalis, and are very corrosive. (Don’t get the stuff on you skin!)
There is
also something in there which gives off a bit of ammonia, but I’m
not sure what gives rise to
this.
Anyway, make sure you don’t add any acid to the solution in water, because
that will give off chlorine gas, which is very toxic.
–
Try dropping a
couple of eggs down the heater intake vent on a car. Normally
located near the windshield. Go
ahead and crack the eggs open and drop them
in nicely. Wipe off any that doesn’t go in the
vent so the customer doesn’t
know it’s in there. They may notice a strange smell at first, but
nothing
compared to how it will smell in a day or two. This smell is virtually
impossible to get rid of, Esp. if it makes it all the way to the heater
core.
–
A very simple way to screw up a car is to remove the balancing weights from
the wheels. The tires will now be out of balance and driving will not be
good on the tires or
the suspension. At the very least the mark will have to
spend a while at a tire shop and pay
$5 or so per tire to have them
re-balanced.
–
After seeing a
special on TV about people who do weird things to their cars,
I thought of something that
would be funny to do to someone who is in love
with their car: Find some sort of water soluble
glue, or other sticky
substance, and coat the car everywhere but the glass when the mark will
not
be near the car for a few days. After the coat apply grass seed.
–
just die. I.e.
you might need to do some more elaborate setup. In any case
very cool idea if you could pull
it off, saw one car which was grass-coated
on TV but I recall it took pretty long to get it
look good.
–
Take some solid dog waste (with thick rubber gloves and use
them only once
please) and shove it up and underneath the marks car door handles (do a neat
the morning when
the mark is off to work!
Ed> A plastic-bag is also suitable for picking up
dog-trash.
–
Slide under the front and poke some holes in the lower
radiator hose using
a sharp ice pick. The puncture should close itself, and everything will
be
fine until the engine gets up to temperature and then the coolant will blow
out the
holes. Quick & easy. No assembly required.
–
Try using that
hardening, expanding window caulk that’s used to insulate
cracks and crevasses in the winter.
Squirt a liberal amount of that up his
tailpipe early in the evening so it has time to harden
over night. If you
get it in far enough, it will be invisible, and baffle him for a
while…not
to mention the cost of a tow [$50 around here] + muffler work [another $85]
+ lost work time = fun.
–
Put some sort of racially degrading bumper
sticker on his/her car. Survey
the local area and find out what ethnic group is the most
militant, and use
that one for your assault. Otherwise, use generic "White Power" or
"Give
America Back to Real Americans", "The Klu Klux Klan - Working for Real
If their car isn’t torched or mutilated within a few days, send
them on a
drive through the bad part of town.
–
Cross wire their
headlights to their horn. Great way for them to make
friends with the neighbours, especially
if they leave home at 5 AM.
–
This one only works in the winter in temps
below freezing but it’s good. Get
one of those small air tanks, you know like the ones we’ve
all seen on big
pickups or tow trucks [we used to have one in our garage for our bikes when
car you want
to revenge and let the air out of one or two tires. Then refill
the tires using the tank you
brought with. The water will freeze solid and
every time they take off after having let the
car sit a while they’ll get a
strange "thump-thump" that mysteriously goes away by
the time they ever get
to a mechanic.
Should be sufficient to cause some good
repair bills.
–
Feminist used this trick in Oslo mid-70′ties. They
sprayed "Hore Kunde."
meaning: "whore customer" at the side of the whore
customer’s cars. There
are many other things you can spray at a person’s car for example blow
me,
"AIDS", "I’m cheating my wife", "dial [ph.no]",
"wreckage", etc.
–
At a supply store you can get a spray can of
paint stripper. This stuff is
powerful, so I recommend you use gloves. It only takes a second
to walk by a
car with this. Silicone being sprayed onto cars also do wonders with the
paint.
–
Three more good ones. "Registered Sex Offender, Child
Molester or Paroled
Rapist" - These really improve community relations.
–
Get a hype and fill it with fox urine lure from your local hunting supply.
Insert the needle in the rubber gasket or coaming that seals the window or
door and spray the
inside of the car. For months the car will be sticky,
and every time the weather warms up it
will smell like a boy fox in love.
–
A friend of me once suranwraped her
mark’s car. She wrapped the plastic
around the car, from bottom to top. If the car sits in the
sun, say Phoenix
Arizona sun, it makes it real fun. Be sure to cover the door handles and
–
Styrofoam packing peanuts that you use in boxes to ship
fragile items are
available at shipping stores. You can get a five foot tall bag, i.e. 3
feet
in diameter, for about $18. This is enough to fill an unlocked car, or one
with the
sunroof open.
–
Tie your mark’s car to the something on his house, or his
other car or
something [use solid rope or a chain] for example, attaching it to the door
knob on the outhouse-door should make much damage.
This works best if the chain or rope
is long. Approx. 20-30 meters. Do it in
the dark, and cover the rope with some sand or
something. Then you can sit
back and wait for him to drive to his school or job. The longer
the rope,
the better, because he will then gain more speed before anything happens.
Get a C-clamp from a hardware store. Slide under the car and use the clamp
to squeeze the exhaust pipe flat. But not completely flat. Leave about
1/2cm so that the car
will start fine and drive OK in traffic but when heavy
acceleration or high speed driving is
needed it is gutless. This should give
similar indications of fuel starvation.
–
A way to polka-dot a car is to throw fresh Bologna on it at night when it is
dewy out. Next day, they peel it off and ‘Viola! Polka-dot paint, just what
the doctor
ordered.
–
This one would require the mark to be on a long vacation and
their car needs
to be kinda hidden from view of too many people. Get a good jack, jack up
in and let it
dry. When it is dry lower the car and clean up as much as
possible. Won’t they be
surprised?
–
Some high students in Ohio [I think] actually pulled this
one off. They got
their hands on a large amount of plaster of Paris bandages, the kind
wrapped
around splints which harden and form a cast, you know what I’m talking
about? It
took four of them ten minutes to completely mummify the car, then
they ran a hose over it and
hardened it solid. Difficult and expensive to
pull off.
–
To really
fuck up tires, pull out the "stems" with pliers. But leave them
there beside the
tires because, for some reason, the schned you have done
this to will almost always try to
push them back in. This is an absolutely
hilarious sight if you dare hang around and watch
it.
–
Get the distributor cap, take it out, and run a simple graphite
pencil over
the rotor brushes. The engine will sputter and misfire.
–
than prunes
through a short granny.
–
For the fuel tank, the following I recommended
Crushed cork, Silicone
carbide or sugar, but make it icing sugar. Shellac thinner added to
"gas" as
you guys call it, will cause the engine to sputter and misfire, but it
goes
out the exhaust pretty quickly. Use about a gallon, and keep adding it over
a time.
The car owner will keep taking it to a mechanic, who will keep
finding nothing wrong with the
engine, annoying them both.
–
Styrene, don’t add it to the
"gas" but to the oil. It breaks down the oil
and this locks up the engine. You need
to use about one pint to every four
quarts of oil, and it will take about 1.5 to 2 hours of
road time.
One final piece of advice. When adding stuff to a "gas" tank, put
the stuff
in a metal gasoline can. That way anyone who sees you will assume that it is
gasoline. Don’t forget a funnel. Seems obvious, but I’ve forgotten, ahem or
would have if I
had ever actually done any of these tricks which of course I
haven’t, they’re illegal and I
would never dream of blah blah blah..
–
With some very trusted friends,
put your mark’s car on blocks and take off
all the nuts on the wheels. Put super-glue on the
"threads" of the bolts and
screw on the nuts as tightly as possible. Then file the
edges of the nuts so
they cannot be gripped by a spanner easily. Then puncture all four
tires.
His mechanic will need literally weeks to get it back on the road.
–
Put the car it in neutral, put it in a handicapped space, put an anti-police
bumper
sticker on it, and call the cops. I recommend, "BEAUTIFY THE WORLD -
KILL A COP
TODAY!"
The cop will find extra citations. If you are really mean, a little bag
of
pot tucked past the door-frame where it can be seen [stretch the door top
out and
drop it through] will put him into the nightmare world of our legal
system.
–
If he already has his own locking gas cap, you could make it "REAL SECURE"
for him. Break off some toothpicks and super glue or epoxy them into the
lock.
–
Go to an Auto parts store purchase a locking gas cap and then replace the
cap
on your mark’s car with it. Just remember to wipe off your prints, never
buy one with a check
or card.
–
I have found that the viscous paint stripper does a - Billy
Crystal -
marvelous job on automobile paint. Be sure the surface is dry. A little dew
reduces the effect.
Ed> Try tape used for sealing envelopes.
A previous
suggestion of draining the oil from the engine is fine as far as
it goes but unfortunately
there are gauges and warning lights. Try the
transmission. One benefit of this is that they
will breakdown somewhere
besides the front yard.
–
A lot of people
are curious of engines and cars in general. How to disable
them, how to *creatively
re-condition* them. Below is a list of suggestions I
have picked up over the years. It is by
no means exhaustive, and may be
inaccurate in certain cases, but from what I have seen and
heard, is fairly
reliable.
Engines [if you have access to under the hood]
* Attack on the distributor with a graphite pencil is fun.
* A solution is available
[from Force Ten] that can turn oil into Jello.
* Styrofoam or Tide in engine oil.
*
Naphtha in engine oil.
* Drain oil, into a container, so that there are no traces.
* Spray WD40 onto the rotors and into the drums.
* Fill tires with
propane. Adapters can be bought at auto parts stores.
Fuel
* Styrofoam
[crushed] in gas tank works wonders.
* Dissolve moth balls in gas and add to target tank. This
will make the
engine run so hot, the engine oil breaks down, engine seizes. It is hard
to trace and damage is already done when person realizes engine is hot.
* Punch a hole in the
fuel tank, then call the fire Dept. Car gets towed,
and the owner will be fined.
Paint
* Liquid scratch is available from Force Ten, and it is really problematic
to paint.
Locks
* Broken keys in door locks are good for a medium pi**
off, but
can be extracted.
* Two part epoxy is interesting. Locks must be replaced. Do
trunk as well.
–
I have discovered a good way of dirtying someone’s
windscreen. The dirt
agent is glue sticks from a hot glue gun. It’s very easy. Just warm it
with
your hands a little, then rub it real hard over the mark’s windscreen.
–
Here’s something fun for car windshields/windows. Concrete sealant is a
nasty,
sticky liquid that is used to water-seal concrete after it is poured.
Anyways, if you
spray/pour this crap on someone’s windows it will make a
lovely cloudy, yellow coating on
it.
–
Coat the mark’s windshield wipers with glue and then cover with
sand. Next
rain, their windshield will be scratched to hell!
–
A
trick I used to do, was take small glass vials stolen from the doctors
office and fill them
with vaseline, or some other viscous substance. I’d cap
them and carry them around until some
dumb-ass jock tried to express his
sexual frustrations, and penile inadequacies by trying to
run me over in his
car. Then I would pull a vial out of my pocket and throw it as hard as I
he would
inevitably turn on his wipers thus smearing the grease all over his
windshield.
–
Get a bottle of corn oil and pour over the front winshield of your victim’s
car. This is really hard to get off.
#053 GRAFFITI WITH AJAX. By Toby Lane.
and write your
message on it with liquid Ajax [for you Americans, Comet?]
Something like "[Mark] blows
goats" or whatever. You take the paper to the
wall, douse it in lighter fluid, stick it
to the wall, make a lighter
fluid trail away from the wall and light it. The whole thing burns
in about
one second, so there is no fire danger, but your message gets stuck to the
wall
by some chemical process, and it is virtually impossible to get off.
#054 THE POOL. By
John Hong, L. A. Spangler and Florin Cutzu.
Just pour dysenteric shit in the pool - you
may get it [freely!] from any
Infectious Diseases clinic; if not, thoroughly mix a hefty
volume of fresh,
steaming, healthy shit with warm water, and add it to the pool. A good eye
–
Fling in rancid fatty chicken/fish parts
ferchristsakes. If there are any
scavenger birds in the area, they will just add to the
amusement. I am told
vulture shit is VERY gross. The fat should leave a nice ring. A road
kill/
large animal carcass would be rather impressive.
Also, consider motor
oil/crisco/lard/etc. If you used used motor oil and
finked on’em to the EPA/Local TV maybe
they would have to call in a
hazardous waste disposal company instead of just sending it down
the drain.
Add some Styrofoam peanuts/cups and gasoline, and light the pool at night
I had great fun just lobbing
mud balls into a pool - makes a nice plop sound
and leaves nice round dirt rings on the pool
bottom. Another thing that
could be cool is throwing plaster/clay/cement/gravel into the pool.
If you
poured enough cement into the bottom drain quickly so the pump get jammed,
the
cement might still have enough lime to harden underwater.
In the *real sick* section,
we have: Really firm floating feces, used
sanitary napkins/tampax, used diapers, used condoms
or scanky underwear
–
Kodak, and other chemical companies sell classes of
chemicals called
surficants. These essentially make water more slippery. In a fountain with
water
splashing 3 inches beyond the fountain pool. Drain the fountain in
short order, and burn out
the pump.
Another alternative would be long chain polymers, the same stuff things
like
astro-gel and slippery-stuff is made out of. It’s not hard to duplicate the
recipe.
A good friend did. But should make hot-tubbing a lot more fun.
#055 THE SHOWER. By
Denise L Voskuil, Frank Reid, David Gillies, DanD,
Cathleen Gallagher, John L. Kinsella and
Dylan Hayes.
Take a pill capsule [the gelatine ones are best]. Open it and fill with
good at stains.
Fill the capsule with the powder. Smear the pill in some
vaseline. Insert pill into shower
head. Mark runs water, gets in a then blue
dye comes out staining mark very well [especially
good with blond hair!]
You may need some practise to make a pill that last just long enough
for the
mark to get in the shower.
–
If the mark is a habitual
person, unscrew the shower head in the shower you
expect him/her to use, and drop a bouillon
cube or two in. The hot water
will slowly melt the cube and the victim probably won’t notice
until it’s
too late. The smell hangs on for a day or so. This worked well in my dorm.
–
Empty their bottle of shampoo, then fill it back up with Nair.
Ed> uh, won’t the mark notice a slight difference?
–
A follow-up to my
previous posting on the effectiveness of Nair: the stuff
may not always be effective on leg
hair, from my personal experience. I
haven’t personally been revenged by the "Nair in the
shampoo" method, nor
have I done it - this should clarify my previous remarks. My SO did
this to
someone, and it caused a fair amount of hair loss, with some clumps lost.
The results may vary according to how much Nair you put in the shampoo
bottle. Also, try to
get a type that smells pretty good - I think there’s
different scents, and from my
recollection it does have a distinct smell.
You don’t want to tip off your target when they
pour out the shampoo. BTW,
the stuff is opaque, so if they use transparent shampoo, it’ll
be
noticeable.
Finally, see if they sell an "extra-strength" version,
to really wreak
havoc.
–
Try substituting real honey for the mark’s
honey-coloured shampoo. Honey has
a slight odor that the mark may detect, and it’s
water-soluble, so this is a
mild trick. If you want to get really nasty, use STP oil
treatment. It’s not
only odorless but, unlike most oils, soap won’t dissolve it!
–
It seems to me that the trouble with spiking shampoo with a depilatory is
that
you just whack the stuff on your head, squeegee it about a bit, and
rinse off. What you need
is something that is going to stay on the mark’s
bounce for a bit longer. How about
conditioner? A minute’s exposure might
not turn the mark into Yul Brynner, but it’s got to be
better than the few
seconds exposure you get from shampoo. I guess the ultimate medium would
be
a home perm kit, or a hair dye solution. After all, you don’t want to wash
that
out.
–
To add Nair, pour a small amount of shampoo into a cup. Add Nair
to the
remaining shampoo until you can smell it, just remember to add a little at
the
time and shake it each time. Add a little of the shampoo from the cup to
the bottle.
adding the
Nair.
#056 DOGGIES. By Toby Lane, DanD, Thomas Gauldin, Doug Clayton, DCrowder,
Stryk9, Stuart Ransley, Cyberknight, Yankee and Brent
Volden.
Ed> A dog is an
animal. An animal can not be held responsible for it’s
Ed> actions. If it’s owner doesn’t
take proper care of his dog, then it will
Ed> become scared and it will bark. This is the
owner’s fault, not the fault
Ed> of the animal. My advice to you is to go after the owner,
and to read
Ed> the alt.revenge FAQ.
–
We had a problem with our
neighbour’s dog taking a dump in our garden.
Finally, a friend of mine helped me collect a
bucketfull of dog-shit from
his and some others dogs. We put it into our mark’s mailbox and
sealed
everything with rubber cement.
–
Buy a dog whistle and go
out about 4AM and start blowing it. It will
probably make the dog bark *Hopefully* When they
come out to check, the dog
stop doing it. Wait ten minutes until they are asleep again
and..
–
"Dognap" the critter, sedating it first is recommended,
and take it to a the
most expensive kennel you can find. Explain that you are going away for
a
week and demand the very best for little Foo-Foo [or Chopper or whatever
its name is]
Leave them your neighbour’s address and phone number and make a
cash down payment for the
first day if necessary, which it sometimes is.
Your neighbour will get a call about ten days
and several hundred bucks
later.
–
They make bark-deterrent devices
that don’t need to be attached to the dog.
When the device detects a bark, it emits a
high-frequency sound that hurts
the dog. Every time it barks, it gets a painful blast. It will
learn not to
bark soon enough.
–
If the dog is left outdoors at
night, become its friend. Then, shave it - or
just its rear. If its rear is shaved, grease it
up and make an anonymous
call to the police to report the person as a pervert having sex with
the
dog.
–
Dogs sniff territory right? Yes.. but pay attention to
the next time they
sniff a tree. They sniff until they get to the height the the urine can
be
smelled most strongly. This tells them the height of the animal who has
marked the
tree and therefore who’s territory they are in.
Go down to the zoo and buy lunch for
the caretaker of big cats. Get a good
sized pack of dung and urine and rub it on the trees in
your area about
three feet from the ground. Your dog problems will disappear, as that would
–
uncomfortable if
it lays cable there, in fact the dog usually makes the
connection and doesn’t shit there
anymore.
Ed> Maybe this ain’t revenge, but it’s definitely a solution. Consult
your
Ed> local pet store.
–
If a dog poops on your yard, dress
it up in a cute little doggie sweater.
One that covers its ass so it gets its own poop all
over itself before it
goes home. No harm to the dog, but boy, won’t the owners be eager to
hug
and play with the little guy!
Ed> Or use a diaper!
–
After you have cleaned up the shit sprinkle heaps of black pepper over the
spot where
the dog shit was. The next time fido comes by he will sniff
around and the pepper will drive
him nuts.
Or if it is the same mutt and his owner that is causing all the trouble
collect all the dog shit, put it in a bag, follow them home and either throw
it all over their
lawn or return it to the owner
–
If you have problems with a neighbour’s
dog coming into your yard, and the
owner turns a deaf ear. Take some ripe rancid fish, or meat
and place it in
a mesh onion sack and stake it to the ground in your yard. The dog will
roll
on and rub against the onion sack until they smell as bad as the fish. When
it
returns to its owner’s home, then owner will quickly decide to keep the
dog on his own
property.
#057 FIBERGLASS IN THE CLOTHES. By Toby Lane.
Put a small piece
of fiberglass in with their clothes when they’re in the
spin dryer. It itches like hell and
may give them a rash. Or try some
coloured wax crayons.
#058 THE ROOMMATE HAS A
BORING GIRLFRIEND. By Martin Hannigan.
Be really nice to her. By her a small gift every
now and then. Smile at her
a lot. Look at her tits as much as possible. Comment on her ass to
her
boyfriend.
Piss in the hamper. Pray at the dinner table, or whenever they are
around.
Fart in front of them.
#059 THE DORNMATE STEALS THE FOOD. By John Hein,
Christopher G. Wakefield,
Mike Smith, Phinn, John Hein and Brian
Smith-White.
will not be
stolen from. Remove frozen chicken from secure fridge every
night and defrost it. In the
morning, return it to the fridge to freeze. Do
this for a week, then put it into the fridge
from which comestibles are
walking. A considerable case of food poisoning should result!
–
Try fart powder available in magic shops.
–
I
found a pint-sized carton of chocolate milk and "ripened" it for a few
days by
leaving it on top of the heater in my room. After a couple of weeks
I put it back in the dorm
fridge. Mere hours later someone attempted to
drink it. Didn’t lose any more food the rest of
the quarter.
–
Bake any amount of chocolate flavored Ex-Lax into a recipe
that normally has
chocolate. Also make sure to include the normal amount of chocolate. If
It’s
also good to disguise the flavor with additional chocolate. A really
nifty way of hiding it is
"chocolate chip" brownies. Make the brownies as
you normally would but include
chopped up Ex-Lax instead of the chocolate
chips.
You can also spoil yogurt, and
hide the taste with fruit or whatever else
you want to add. Yogurt has an inherently sour
tasting food anyway, so it’s
easy to mask spoiling. This may cause several forms of stomach
pain. Syrup
of Ipecac also mixes very well into yogurt. This substance is sold in very
small doses at your local drugstore. It induces vomiting instantly.
You could also bake
"decoys". Substitute baking soda for sugar, or flower.
This makes for a reasonable
looking, but thoroughly awful tasting
concoction. Best with yellow or light brown muffins.
Then there’s the psychological terror you can invoke. After several cookies
or
brownies have been stolen go to get one yourself and "find" a dead bug
in the box.
Make several comments about laying eggs. This is usually best
when accompanied by one of the
above tactics. It might make them wonder how
exactly they came to need to use the bathroom so
frequently for whatever
reason.
–
You could always try Antabuse in
their food before they go out for a drink.
–
It is expensive, but a
motion-detector which sets off a loud, annoying noise
inside of a "lunch" container
will get the culprit immediately after the
act. Place the prick-detector in a location where
it will be visible to many
individuals over the entire course of the day.
#060
THE ROOMMATE. By Martin Hannigan, Nancy Passwater, Crystal V. Freitas,
Denise L Voskuil and
Belina Jones.
Sneak into your roommate’s wardrobe and cut every button of every
single
item of clothing that he owns. Don’t forget to hide the buttons.
–
Why not coat al