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Guide to Fun In Kmart and Target

Many a person has departed from his employment with past secrets of the company he worked for. When those secrets can benefit others, it’s logical to pass those on. As past employees of those incredible culture centers of flashing blue lights and red vests, we felt it necessary to let the world know about the information. Have fun!

Kmart

Kmart, the home of the flashing blue light, provides much fun and opportunity for financial gain.

TYFSOK (pronounced tife-sock):

This cute little acronym is the little saying that we all get sick of whenever we visit Kmart. It stands for “Thank you for shopping our Kmart.” If you leave, and are not told TYFSOK by the checkout individual, immediately go to the service desk and ask for the manager. Explain to him that the checkout person did not say the TYFSOK crap, and you will be rewarded with a $10 gift certificate. TYFSOK is a way of life for the Kmart Checkout operator.

Shoplifting:

Kmart has had a large share of shoplifting. The security systems in all the stores I have visited are very state-of-the-art. The important lookout for the number of cameras scanning is to look for large black-plexiglass covers just above the top level of shelving in the stores. These “windows” house either a person watching, or a camera scanning.

Although they don’t want you to know it, Kmart very rarely has the “pseudo-customer.” Usually this person is hired during the Christmas season. Be on the lookout for a 30-40 year old man or woman, dressed in average clothing for the area you are in. Be watchful for friendliness with working store clerks, and if you aren’t sure, follow that person around. The average “Kmart psuedo-customer” looks fairly obvious, when you spend 2 hours in a store and don’t purchase a thing.

The important notation: Say you are in the sporting goods department, and you just stashed softball glove, or fishing reel, or something in your jacket and are about to make a hasty getaway. If you hear the wonderful call “Three-hundred and a half from sporting goods, three-hundred and a half from sporting goods…” in a nice calm tone, you have been spotted. Get out of the store as fast as possible if you are going to get away. Kmart employees are instructed to follow you as far as possible. Many Kmarts are in Mall areas, so that person will usually stash his name tag in his pocket, and follow you. Be wary, if you take the risk.

Fires:

If you hear over the P.A. system…” Caroline to the Garden Shop, Caroline to the Garden Shop,” there is a fire alarm going off in the Garden Shop. Almost always it is a false alarm, usually arising with someone trying to go out of a door they aren’t supposed to.

The Blue Light:

The Blue light runs off of a car battery, is on wheels, is never in storage, and there are usually 3-4 at most stores, with two being the minimum number. The blue light charges all night with a 6 amp trickle charger for car batteries. Generally, someone who “looks” like a Kmart employee can take one and move it around without saying anything, although I have yet to meet anyone with the balls to steal one. Nevertheless, it would provide a VERY nice addition to the college dorm room decoration.

Other calls:

Using the intercom on an in-store Kmart phone usually means hitting a button labeled “P.A.” A call of “One-thousand to the xxx department, one-thousand to the xxx department” is a call for assistance in the xxx department. The only use of this to you might be for you to go ahead and call for assistance yourself, or to check and see if the person on duty in that department is around. “Three-ten to the xxx department, three-ten to the xxx department” is a call for the manager to go to whichever department. This is not and emergency call, it’s for customer asstance, or to void a cash register operation, etc… All these calls are repeated twice.

Returning merchandise:

Although they don’t advertise it, most Kmarts have a no-receipt-necessary refund policy. They boast about the ease in returning merchandise at any Kmart, regardless of where it was purchased. What this means, is that you can pretty much return anything to Kmart, if it is sold at Kmart. You will receive the current price in of that merchandise in the store. So, if you return something that is on sale, you will get the sale price. If you wait until after the sale, you will get the regular price. In fact, should you be so lucky as to get into the Kmart garbage room, you can get broken merchandise (although it is usually destroyed, sometimes you get lucky), and return it for a full refund. Refunds mean that you will have your name and home address and phone number recorded, but they don’t require identification, so you can leave any kind of data. Exchanges require no recording.

Bogus Credit Card booklets:

Every cashier has one of the booklets issued by credit card companies, listing their stolen credit cards. The employee or the store gets a $50 bonus for retrieving stolen credit cards. I have found it quite easy, however, to take off with one of these books, because they just lie around on top of the cash register within full reach.

Target

Target, the land of the red vests, doesn’t have as many opportunities as Kmart, but nevertheless, some.

Shoplifting:

Target has on duty at all times at lease one “pseudo-customer.” They are of all ages, but most don’t push shopping carts around. The men usually walk around with a compact disc while the women usually have clothing of some sort. Frequently the security people are rotated among the stores in the district, so the Target employees don’t even know who the “pseudo-customers” are. Of course, there are usually more at Christmas.

If you see someone peeking around the end of an aisle at you, or following you around, they are watching you. If you are approaching the door with stolen merchandise, and you are a person that looks like an obvious trouble maker, you will hear a “Manager on duty nine nine nine” repeated twice, you soon see a lot of excited young men in red vests rapidly approaching the front doors. If you already outside the doors, you better kick it in the ass; Target employees will follow you, even pursue you in cars, through swamps, woods. If you ditch the merchandise, they will hunt that stuff down too, so they can nail you for it. If you are not out of the doors yet, leave the merchandise in a cart and walk out the door without it. You have to have the stuff out of the door before they can get you for shoplifting.

Cameras:

As far as cameras, their ceiling panels have holes in them, and the cameras are hidden above. It is nearly impossible to determine where the cameras are, or where they are recording. They will watch the employees also; there are cameras in employee areas. Occasionally, there are two-way mirros in the store, but they aren’t often used and are less effective than cameras.

Fires:

If you run out of a fire door, an alarm will sound and an employee will be there as soon as possible, and another employee will either call “Security” if they see someone running from the door (theft suspicion) or call “Manager on duty” if the door opening was an accident. If you hear “Code Red xxx department” repeated 3 or 4 times, there is a fire in the xxx department. If you want to see another large group of excited young men in red vests rapidly approaching a department with fire extinguishers, just go up to any in-store phone, dial 4 to get the intercom and say the above page. To dial out on an in-store phone, dial 9, and if you get another dial tone, you have an outside line, and if you get a busy signal, then you can not dial out of that phone.

Returns of merchandise:

When returning any merchandise without a receipt, Target will give you the last sale price of that merchandise instead of the sale price. If you return something without a receipt valued over $100, they will record your name and keep the record for a month, for comparison purposes (i.e. you are returning a lot of merchandise). Identification is required if a refund is issued for an item over $100. Exchanges can be made for the same item, for any reason (you can’t exchange shoes for bowling balls, etc…).

In closing

In closing we would like to add several things. Both of these stores have very good security, and theft and mischief is a hell of a lot easier in other stores. Nevertheless, people will try. Of course, this information will change if too many people know about it. As far as any personal reasons for making this file, we said “What the phuck…” Ha ha ha….


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