Purple Tentacle Presents Another Great Text File From…
ÜÛÜ
ÜÛß
ßÛÜ
ÜÛß ßÛÜ
ÜÛß ßÛÜ
ÜÛß ßÛÜ
ÜÜÜÜÜÛÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛÛÜÜÜÜÜ N A R C H I S T S A N O N Y M O U
S
ÜÛß ßÛÜ
ÜÛß ßÛÜ
ÜÛß ßÛÜ
6:25pm o1-24-1994
/>
-ð-ð-ð-ð-ð-
Table of Contentsù
Introduction……………………………….1
Outside the
House…………………………..2
The Pool…………………………………..3
Front
Entrance……………………………..5
Living/Family
Room………………………….6
Kitchen……………………………………7
Basement…………………………………..8
Bedrooms…………………………………..9
Necessary
Equipment………………………..10
Conclusion/Greets………………………….11
/> End Contentsù
-ð-ð-ð-ð-ð-
Page One….Introduction
Glad you decided to join us in another text from Purple Tentacle. This one is
entitled "
Stuff you can do in a vacant house". This text and the ideas are
used when you find out
somebody has gone on vacation and left all their
valuables at their home, and you then gather
a group of friends and get in the
house, and then…well, that’s where you decide what to
do.
This is divided into a series of parts; actually rooms, for easier anarchy
and
quicker fun. So while your editing this you can just search for your title,
and know what to
do. At the end of the text, there is a list of equipment you
will need to perform these ideas
successfully. It also tells you how to build
‘em so you CAN do the ideas. Have a blast…
be a walk-thru,
and then you would follow it around the house. But that wasn’t
too creative, and the idea
kinda sucked. So I have changed it to a kind of
"multiple choice" text, so you can
have more fun!
Note: This text has been written based on the fundamental house design.
Some
of the rooms may not be in the house you’re in, and some rooms may not be disc-
ussed in this text because of lack of anarchial possibilities. Be creative!
Also, some rooms
were totally pointless to put in with the text, such as a
laundry room. ( WOW! The anarchy is
just rolling in there! )
DISCLAIMER: Don’t come crying to me saying I told you to do
it.
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=–=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
1. Tear all flowers and other plants out of the
ground. Make the gardens look
like a shithole, and then, just for fun, put the flowers in
upside down or
in the mailbox. You can also kill about three or four cats and put them in
dirt and
soil.
2. With your trusty knife scrape interesting anarchy signs and other pictures
and remove the
wheels that make the garage door open and close, so it just
kinda falls on the next person who
opens it. If the garage is wooden, just
burn it. (WARNING: If you are going to burn it, burn
it AFTER you raid the
house, so the cops come later and you get something out of it.)
3. Spray paint the house. Write a lot of vulgarities, such as mother jokes or
death and
rape threats. If you are going to write rape threats, be certain
it’s the correct sex your
addressing, or else it’s written proof that your
a faggit. Use black spray paint on the
windows, and make sure you destroy,
or at least get rid of, the can when your done or
fingerprints will lead a
little path towards your house.
4. Coat the doorhandles
with vaseline and fill the locks with superglue. This
way nobody can get in without velcro
gloves and a portable ram. This idea,
along with #2, should only be used after you have raided
the house. If its
used before you raid, you won’t be able to get in either.
5.
Smash the windows, using the nearest garbage can or heavy object. You can
even use your head
if you want, but I advise against. Use the glass so you
can cut abusive words and pictures
into the siding and/or wood. Then throw
all the glass at the family’s cat or dog.
down the
chimney. This idea is most useful in the winter time because the
fireplace is used most often
then, and the smoke from the fire won’t be able
to escape through the chimney, so it comes
back down and fills the house,
suffocating the people inside. If there isn’t any siding, just
brick, then
kill a cat or dog and stuff the animal down the chimney instead.
7.
Remove the fence and move it to a seperate, more inconvienient spot on the
property, such as
around the front door or the garage. Even around the dog
house, so the furry little shit can’t
get out. You can play fun games if you
trap the dog inside the dog house. ( See next idea )
8. If you happen to fence the dog in his/her house, use the remaining poles and
play
the following game, entitled: Blind Man’s Pinada.
NUMBER OF PLAYERS: 2 to 6
OBJECT: To
kill the dog.
HOW TO PLAY: Each person takes a turn of stabbing the fence pole
through
the roof of the dog house, until somebody fatally spears the
dog. That person would then
win.
BONUS: Any person who spears it but doesn’t kill it, get’s a free turn.
There is
also a prize for whoever spears the dog the most without
killing it.
9. Before
you read this idea, let me warn you that although this works quite
well, it isn’t the most
pleasant thing to do. Say you have nothing to do,
and a lot of money, and your REALLY itching
to fuck up this house, go down
to your local farmhand store, or white rose, or whatever, and
buy lots of
huge bags of cow manuer. Now, during the nightime, visit their house and
get
all the manuer out of the bags, and pack it solid against the front
door. There is usually
some kind of small shelter in front of the door, so
this helps. Next put some worms in it, so
it keeps fresh for a while. Just
for an added touch, put a white bed sheet over the part that
would be seen
by the public. Hell, you can even put some dead animals in their, so the
soil stays fresh. If you have anything left, put in on the back door.
10. Coat the
house in gasoline and burn it. Not an easy task, I know, but if
you manage to get into the
house, you pour gasoline everwhere, including
the hot furnace. Now, after trailing the
gasoline through the house, trail
it out in the garage, and light the trail of gasoline. Now
run. Make sure
before doing this that nobody sees you. Also, if you want anything out of
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
-=- -=- -=–=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
Page Three….The Pool
1.
Throw many black garbage bags and garbage cans in the pool. The next time
the owner(s) use
the pool, it’ll be like swimming in shit! Just so it takes
a lil bit longer, cut large holes
it the garbage bags, and take the lids off
of the garbage cans, so the garbage leeks out and
spreads throught out the
pool.
2. Kill some animals, such as cats, dogs,
chipmunks, birds, etc., and throw
them in the pool. When the next person uses the pool, watch
the expression
on his/her face! It’ll be hilarious, especially if it’s a woman, because
of
animals,pile them up inside the changing hut, so you can carry out both
idea #1 and #2.
3. Pour oil in the pool and light it, followed by throwing live cats into the
massive
flame. It’s also fun to get a group of cats and a group of friends,
tie the cats to a piece of
wood or something that floats, and have bets, to
see which cat can safely float from one end
of the flaming pool to the other
without dieing.
4. Beat the shit out of all the
mechanical equipment that works the pool. For
example, bust up the filter with a wrench or a
chainsaw, and that long thing
that crawls around the pool. Take all the filters and shit and
sell em to a
pawn shop or something, so you can make money out of all this.
5.
Clog up the filters and the water pumps with tremendous amount of wood and
metals. Hopefully,
the overflow will cause a large explosion, which in turn,
if the equipment is placed beside
each other, will cause a chain reaction of
pool equipment bursting into flames. To make sure
the explosion does
somethin I recommend a large coating of gasoline or gunpowder.
snow. This
way, all the shit in the air will be in the pool. If it happens
to be a snow storm, and the
next day you find some yellow snow on the ground
(don’t ask me how you’d do this) somehow move
the yellow snow into the pool.
When the snow melts, the piss will contaminate the pool. If you
want, you
can piss in the pool too.
7. Buy a whole bunch of pucks full of rat
poison or something toxic,and replace
the chlorine in the water pumper with the rat poison, or
whatever you bought
or stole. Hopefully one of the people who use the pool will accidentally
swallow some water, and die.
8. Remove the parts in the front of their car, (see
Page 4 #2) and chuck them
in the pool. Immediately, those parts will be ruined, and the
weight will
make them hard to remove. This will also ruin the car.
9. If you
can, hotwire the car and drive the whole car into the pool.
I know this sounds difficult, but
if you can it’s absolutely the best.
While your at it, drive over the garden or through the
back door. This works
best in a country home, because the next door neighbours are four miles
away, and nobody will see you.
10. Find the local asshole, and ambush him. Tie
him up, put him in a bag, and
throw him in the pool. Make sure he/she doesn’t know who you
are, incase
he/she escapes. Ranked most outrageous and stupid idea by Purple Tentacle.
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=–=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
Page
Four….Inside the Garage
1. Pour all the chemicals in the garage on the ground, and
don’t let any of
them escape. (By saying "escape" i mean get out the garage. If
there’s a car
in there, open it up and puncture the engine,the carburator, and the gas
tank.This way all the fluid and gasolines will flow on to the ground and mix
with the other
chemicals. Now, take a plaster gun, close all the entrances
to the garage, and seal the edges
of those entrances with plaster. By the
time the owner opens the garage, the fumes will have
built up so much, that
he will suffocate within a matter of minutes. What’s that you say?
What if
he doesn’t stay in the garage? Well, curiosity killed the cat, and it will
kill the owner too. He/she will probably stay to inspect the liquids on the
floor, and not
notice the invisible fumes in the ground. Just for extra fun
set up a tight tripwire that goes
across the garage just behind the door, so
when the owner steps into the garage, he/she will
trip, fall, and maybe even
go unconcious because of the large unexpected hit of their head on
the floor
This will almost guarantee suffocation, because while the owner is knocked
out
the fumes will enter his nose and mouth, and kill him/her.
2. Remove all the frames
from any bicycles in the garage and use them to smash
up the car, if there is a car, that is.
If not, then just use the frames to
break into the house or damage pool equipment. Don’t
forget to wash off the
fingerprints!
3. Remove the wheels of the garage door, and
make it so the garage door will
topple over and crush somebody the next time it’s tried to be
opened. You
can do this by using a wrench, probably found in the garage, and removing
all the nuts and bolts that attach the garage to anything stable. It will
just sit there until
somebody tries to move it, and SPLAT.
4. If there is a car in the garage, you can have
a lot more fun that meets the
eye. Most of the time, there are bottles of spray paint and/or
chemicals on
a shelf at the back or in a closet somewhere. Use them to spray paint stuff
on the surface and the inside of the car, that is, unless you want the car.
5. Blow it
up. Be sure that nobody sees you entering the garage or leaving the
garage, or you’ll be in
jail and in debt quite a while. A useful bomb would
be a series of overloaded time bombs. (see
end of text for instructions.)
6. If you want more ideas on how to fuck up the car
specifically, read Guile’s
text CARKILL.TXT.
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
-=–=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
Page Five…Front Entrance
1. Destroy
everything that’s breakable, just to add some more cost to the owner
and his insurance.
Closets, mirrors, windows, flower pots, whatever’s break-
able. Now, I bet your thinking
"What about all the noise that would attract
neighbors?" Well, I have your solution.
Cover the windows and any glass with
duct tape, and then smash it. The duct tape will silence
the noise, and it
will make almost the same sound as if you dropped a box of pins.
one is just
add on some extra cost to the insurance bill when the owner gets
back from his vacation. Be
creative; burn a neat symbol into the carpet by
pouring some lighter fluid, (or gas from the
garage/car,) and lighting it.
Extinguish it as soon as it hits the ground and singes the
picture into the
carpet, or a flame will catch the whole carpet and the design won’t be
3. Use a long pole or something heavy to create large, massive holes
in the
floor and then dump all the furniture in the hole. This may sound hard, but
if
you brake away the floor in the between the studs, a gaping hole will
appear so you can throw
miscellaneous shit down there.
4. Using the same principals as idea number 3 on page 3,
(the garage door,)
this idea, unhinge the front door and prop it up so the slightest touch
will
knock it over and cause some unexpected damage to the next person who
touches it.
A smalll puddle of oil or grease outside the door adds to the
phun, because who ever is the
next person to approach the door will slip,
hit their head on the ground, and hit the door
with their feet, which would
then make the door fall on top of them.
5. Just
simply spray painting all valuable possesions and everything else in
the hall with red paint
can cause severe costs to the owner and severe
enjoyment, and some welcome laughs, to you.
Spray paint different designs,
phrases, or a big anarchy symbol on everything, including
walls.
6. Remove the numbers on the front of the house and switch them around with
the
other numbers on the house, or make three different houses in a row have the
same
number! To really confuse some unsuspecting others use the phone in the
empty house and order
pizza, chinese, and really expensive steak, ( and lots
of it, too! ) for the number house that
you have made three of. For example,
if you switched the houses #’s with somebody elses and
eventually made it so
that there were three houses in a row that had number 52, and ordered
three,
or two, or however many you want, different types of food to numbere 52, the
delivery people would get really confused!
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=–=-
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
Page Six….Living/Family Room
1. Steal all
the TVs, VCRs, Radios, etc. and make sure the room is bone dry.
The owners will probably want
to come back from there vacation and watch
the dumb videos they made on their TV, but darn!
It’s not gonna be there!
Just so they have to go through more trouble, snap all the incoming
TV wires
and tie them together. Make sure that you take all the connecting wires that
YOU will need to watch it, or else stealing it was pointless.
*WARNING* You may want to
have a getaway car ready, because it doesn’t look
too good when a group of kids are walking
out of a dark house and
carrying TVs.
2. If you don’t want the electronics, (
only god knows why,) just trash them. A
swift kick to the front of the screen will cause some
problems. If you want,
you can create a large explosing by smashing the front of nething
electrical
and throwing it in the sink, which you have already filled with water. Stand
back.
3. Burn all the furniture and smash everything in the house. Knock over stuff
basic but it is
probably the most enjoyable thing to do in this whole text
file.
4. With help
from some friends, throw all the furniture down into the basement
or put it in front of every
possible entrance to the house. That way nobody
can get into the house and the owners will
probably have to wait a while in
one of those shelters, until the pigs can stop thinking of
donuts and start
thinking about how to get into the house! BTW:You may want to think of
ways
to get out of the house before you do this, because you yourself may become
trapped!
5. If you have A LOT of nails and A LOT of friends and A LOT of time and a
chair, lift a
small chair, (just for starters) and put it upside down on
the ceiling, and then hammer and
nail it so it stays there. This is where
your friends come in and help, incase you haven’t
noticed. Eventually, after
you do it to everything in the house, it will look like the whole
place is
upside down, and it just might send the owner crazy.
6. Clear all the
furniture out of the room and do whatever else it takes to
make a lot of room. Now go kill a
cat or something with blood and bring it
back to the house. Draw a large pentagram on the
ground with the blood and
put six of your candles (hell, everybody carries candles!) on the
six points
of the big pentagram. Now you can worship Satan, but you don’t have to.
You
can just leave it there and make the neighbours and the next person who
enters sick.
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=–=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
Page
Seven….Kitchen
1. Steal everything you can get your hands on. Cutlery, Microwaves,
even a damn
fridge can be taken if you have the proper transportation. Hell, if you had
enough time you could take the tiles on the ground! But if you’re gonna take
some stuff, I
advise plates and cutlery, especially silver and china.
2. Throw some metal tins and
cans in the microwave, and set the timer for about
ten minutes. This should give you enough
time to lead a trail of gasoline to
the furnace from the microwave, so a large explosion goes
off and levels the
house while you run away. If you enter twenty minutes, you can trail gas
all
the way to the furnace, the microwave, AND the garage where most of the chem
stuff
is stored.
3. Remove all the food from the fridge and replace it with some small
animals
and children. They don’t have to be dead, just immobilized so they dont go
and
squirm and scream. A simple way to do this is push a pillow over their
face until they go
unconcious.
4. If there isn’t enough room in the fridge for the kids/animals, cut them
in
to little bits and hang them from the ceiling. ( idea courtesy of Cannibal
corpse
t-shirt. BUY IT! ) Kids are recommended.
5. Cover all the food in the house with rat
poison, or something toxic and
inconspicuous, like the imfamous Iocaine powder. ( No smell,
taste, and
dissolves instantly in water..if you can find any tell me! ) Now devise
a way
to blame it on the deceased’s spouse, ( like a suicide note or an
elaborate puzzle.)
the stove, such
as as statues or china plates, this idea is a quick and
easy way to cause expense to the
owner(s). Put all the small stuff into
the microwave and/or stove, and melt them until it is
about half melted
and half of it is just soft. Now put it back to it’s orginal space, and
objects have been
severly damaged.
7. Set it on fire. Simple, yet effective, because once the kitchen is
in a
blaze, the rest of the house will burn down with it, because there are
always
doors that enter the kitchen that allow you to enter from all of
the surrounding rooms. (
That’s scientific. )
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=–=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
-=- -=- -=-
Page Eight….The Basement
1. Luckily, there will be a workroom in
the basement..you know, where the
power tools are stored. If there is one, remove all the
power tools and
especially the extension cord(s), if there are any. Now plug the tools
into the wall with the extension cord, and calmly, and as quietly as
you can, begin to cut
away the foundations of the house. ( If you hear
creaks directly above you..look out. )
2. Usually, the owner(s) will have put the stereo equipment in the basement.
Take it.
And don’t give it back. Maybe sell it. But don’t give it back.
3. If there is a
bathroom, laundry room, and/or sink in the basment, you’re
in luck. If you simply clog the
drain with someone or something, the sink
will start to overflow, and eventually flood the
house. If you just HAPPEN
to have ripped open something electrical, like a socket, and exposed
some
wires, the water will probably cause an electrical fire, and explosion, and
then
the fire will travel all the way through the house via the electric
wires and fuse box. Wow,
the things a sink can do.
4. Sometimes people who are of European backgroud keep a
liquor cabinet in the
basement, or a bar, or something to that matter. Knock yourself out!
Have
3 or 4 beers, some wine, whiskey, order some pizzas with all the spare
change or
sold stereos. Always remember, IT ISN’T YOURS SO IT’S NOT YOUR
LOSS!
5. Maybe
some neat looking rugs and/or priceless vases, etc. have been placed
in your new house. 
These would look good on your property, wouldn’t they?
Especially in the form of 3-digit
bills! If you don’t get my drift already,
steal them and sell them in a pawn shop.
Page
Nine….The Bedrooms
1. If you begin in the Children’s Bedroom, set fire to all their
toys. This
minor anarchial prank will cause complete distress to the little shits and
maybe even drive the parents insane, or drive them to drinking or slaying
the children.
2. Again, if you’re in the kids room, and there are some story books lying on
the
shelves, take a pen and one of the books, and begin to re-write the
story, using word
substitution. For example, take the sentence from the
ever-popular Green Eggs and Ham " I
will not eat green eggs and ham." Now
cross it out and write " Get that fuckin shit
out of my face, asshole! "
Get my drift?
3. If you happen to have some kind
of drugs and/or cigarettes on you, you can
plant the cigarettes/drugs in the kiddies room.
Make sure it’s some place
where the kid will find it, and not the parent. Once the kid sees
it, and
reads the little note you attached that says SMELL ME, he/she will probably
sniff the white powder, resulting in instant addiction. Later on in the week
after the kids
sniffs the coke, ( or whatever drug,) confront the kid and
tell him/her that if they go and
steal stuff from their parents that they
can have some more! From there on, it’s all up to
you. I suggest swapping
sugar with cocaine after the child has gotten addicted, so you get the
real
stuff and the kid gets the sugar.
4. Put some bullets in the little kids
room, or some guns or some pornos or
something that would get the kid in deep shit. Either in
deep shit or in
the family’s honour roll, depending on the sexual preferences and tastes
of the father(s) and mother(s). 
5. Spray paint SATAN IS SLEEPING BESIDE and such
ideas on the kids wall, with
some red spray paint. If you know the name(s) of any siblings,
you could
write I HATE (siblings name) and (siblings name) SHALL DIE THIS NITE AND
I
SHALL EAT HIS HEART!!!!
6. When in the adult bedroom, you can really fuck up somebody’s
marriage life
by placing a different size bra/panties in the male’s cupboard, and leaving
I won’t
tell mine." Hehehehe…
7. Switch the clothing and "little toys" and
anything else that can be found in
the female’s drawers and closet with all the clothing and
"little toys" that
are found in the male’s drawers and closet. This won’t look too
healthy when
the kids come in and see daddy in scantyhose!
8. Wire the house with
bombs.
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=–=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
-=-
Page Ten….Necessary Equipment
(IN ORDER SEEN IN TEXT)
1. ITEM:
Swiss Army Knife
PAGE: One
IDEA: #2
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: Canadian Tire, any
Hunting Store
2. ITEM: Red Spray Paint
PAGE: One
IDEA: #3
WHERE IT
CAN BE FOUND: Canadian Tire, a bike shop
3. ITEM: Vasoline
PAGE: One
IDEA:
#4
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: A Drug Store, or the local Child Molester
4. ITEM:
Superglue
PAGE: One
IDEA: #5
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: A bike repair shop, Canadian
Tire
5. ITEM: Monkey Wrench
PAGE: One
IDEA: #7
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND:
Canadian Tire, Auto Body Shop
6. ITEM: Gasoline
PAGE: One
IDEA: #10
WHERE IT CAN BE FOUND: Any Gas Station, Siphoned from a Car
7. ITEM: Gunpowder
PAGE: Three
IDEA: #5
HOW TO CREATE GUNPOWDER:
a) Necessary Equipment:
Potassium Nitrate (75%)
Charcoal (15%)
Sulfer (10%)
b) Procedure: First,
grind each of the substances into a fine powder. MAKE
SURE THIS IS DONE SEPERATE FROM EACH OF
THE OTHER POWDERS!
Second, mix the fine powders together and place anywhere you
want. If you want to have some way of lighting it from a far
away place, coat a rope in gas
and stick the rope in the gun
powder, and light the end of it.
9. ITEM:
Lockpick
PAGE: Five
IDEA: ( Necessary to enter the house.)
WHERE ONE CAN BE FOUND:
A simple hairpin will probably do the job quite well
although some locks won’t be broken so
easy. Cthulu
has a text with a detailed description on it.
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=–=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
GREETZ!
ANARCHIAL
ARTIST: I did it! I finshed my texts!
GUILE: Nutcase is so cool! I wanna be just like
his track-panted shitface self!
OBI WAN KENOBI: Lucky ass motherfucker! Gimme yer
computer!!!
SUNLORD: How long does it take to get the goddamn reader done?!?
PANiC: I’d start to PANiC if I was in yer group!! Hahahahah!
CTHULU: Your slayer
patch is falling off!
CORRIE: You are the goddess of all living creatures, and your
beauty will never
be matched.
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=–=- -=- -=-
-=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=- -=-
Watch for Purple Tentacle’s New Adventure/Mystery arriving
in the Summer, named
SHERLOCK: THE CROWN VS. DOCTOR WATSON
Thousands of choices, ANSi
Graphics, Sound, and even a SAVE/LOAD game feature!!
Add A Comment