05-12-2007, 02:09 AM
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Q: Whats red, boiling, little and behind glass?
A: A baby in a microwave.
Q: How do you get a baby to float in water?
A: Take your foot off its head.
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05-12-2007, 05:11 AM
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Oldest one in the book!
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get to the other side!
Hhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha... kills me every time.
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05-12-2007, 02:55 PM
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Q: How did the dead baby cross the street?
A: He was stapled to that chicken.
Q: What did the bananna say to the viberator?
A: Why are you shaiking? shes going to eat me.
sorry about that spelling, its kinda of a hard word...
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05-17-2007, 01:45 PM
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i heard this joke from a teacher of mine when i was in school. its called the voodoo dick joke.
so theres this guy that works for a large company that requires him to do a lot of buisness trips. they usualy last for 3 day trips and he's home for 3 days. well after one of his buisness trips he goes home to his wife and she tells him "honey, i love you but your gone so much i never get to see you and ive been getting real horney withought you. i dont know what to do and i dont want to cheat on you because we're maried.
and the next day he goes out to the local sex shop. and this guy has never been in a place like this before. so he's looking around annd he see's dildos and all sorts of shit he's never seen before. as he's looking at the products he sais to him self i have no idea what to get ive never heard of any of this stuff. well the cashire overheard him and he says to the guy, "hey come over here, i have a new product in the back that you might be interested in." as there walking to the back room the cashire says this product is going to replace everything in the store. they get to the back room and its empty. nothing on the shelves exept for one wooden box in the middle of the floor. the cashire says to the guy "hey check this out. VOODOO DICK RISE." and this box opens up all by itself and this huge black dildo rises up in mid air and floats. the guy has a stunned look on his face and the cashire says "VOODOO DICK KEYHOLE" and this dildo starts fucking this keyhole like mad, i mean realy fucking raming this thing. and the guy says alright ive seen enough i want it now i dont care how much it is. then the cashire interups him and says just remember the only way to shut it of is to say VOODOO DICK BOX. they guy says yeah whatever and buys it.
well when he gest home he shows his wife the new toy and how it works and she says "well thanks hunny i dont know if i'll use it but if i do i'll be thinking of you." the next day he goes on another buisness trip and by the second day the wife cant stand it anymore. she yells VOODOO DICK RISE and it comes up out of the box, with a big smile on her face she says VOODOO DICK PUSSY and this thing starts fucking her like she never had before. about 3 or 4 orgasms later she cant stand it anymore and she doesnt know how to shut this thing off so she decides to go to the hospital and get if removed. so she jumps in her car and starts speeding down the road swerving all over the place and a cop pulles her over, walks up to the window ans says "lady do you have any idea why i pulled you over?" and she replies "but you dont understand officer, theres this voodoo dick and its fucking my pussy and i need to get to the hospital." the cop interups her and says "VOODOO DICK MY ASS. lmao its long but a good joke when told the first time.
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05-17-2007, 02:21 PM
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i almost forgot about the gay jokes. just let me say something before i tell them. i have nothing against gays and i mean no disrespect. jokes are made to be laughed at not to hurt peoples feelings. ok here they are.
there are these tree gay guys and one of thier best friends just died. the first guy says to the others that he is going to have him creamated and he is going to dump his ashes in the ocean because he loved it when they whent sailing togather. the second gay guy says "im going to take his ashes and put burry them in my garden because he loved it when we planted flowers togather. and the third guy says "no, im going to take all of his ashes and put then in a hot bowl of chilly so he can tear my ass apart one more time. hahahah.
another one is as follows:
there are two gay guys making out in a shower togather. the first gay guy asks the other one if he wants to play a game. he says yeah. and the first gay guy tells him he is going to stick something up his ass and he has to tell him what it is. so the first gay guy goes to the kitchen, opens the fridge and pulles out a carrot. he goes back to the shower and tells gay guy #2 to shut his eyes. the first gay guy sticks the carrot in his ass and asks him what it is. the secont gay guy replies "hmm its long, has dimples all over it and it goes to a point. its a carrot" the first guy says "right now its your turn. so the secont gay guy goes to the kitchen, opens the fridge and pulles out a cucumber and goes back to the shower and sticks it in the first gay guys ass and asks what it is. he says. its wide, bumps all over it. its a cucumber, its my turn. so the first gay guy goes to the bathroom.
now here you have to ask the person you are telling the joke what are those things called that unclog the shitter? and when they say toilet plunger you say ohh, you must have played that game. it gets them everytime and they wont even see it comeing. hehe
well i cant say gay jokes withought a lesbian joke so here it is.
Q: what do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
A: fur traders.
its not verry funny but its the only lesbian joke i know. hope you guys enjoy. peace
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05-18-2007, 03:53 AM
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What's better than ten babies in a bucket? One baby in ten buckets!
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[url]http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/resources/factsheets/aa.htm[/url]
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07-21-2007, 03:29 AM
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a nun walks into a bar and sits next to a man. now this man was dressed up like a pimp, and has his face painted up like a clown, also he was very drunk as he had been in the bar all afrernoon. the nun noticis the man and simply thinks he is a gay pimp, and orders some bar nuts. as time goes on the man starts cursing to himself in a small drunken rage. the nun turns to him and asks him to please watch his language. the man turns and looks surprised, then sudenly he socks the nun right in the face and she falls to the ground, he jumps ontop of her and satarts pummeling her head in, after a few minuts of this he stands up and says "i told you that you'ld never win batman!!!"
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07-21-2007, 05:25 AM
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What's grosser than a baby in a trash can?
100 babies in a trash can.
Whats grosser than 100 babies in a trash can?
1 baby in a 100 trash cans.
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07-21-2007, 07:13 AM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by mhead1es
What's grosser than a baby in a trash can?
100 babies in a trash can.
Whats grosser than 100 babies in a trash can?
1 baby in a 100 trash cans.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by blank stare
What's better than ten babies in a bucket? One baby in ten buckets!
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God bless originality. |
07-22-2007, 06:02 AM
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Why did the chicken get arrested?
It was using fowl language!
So shit i had to laugh.
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[QUOTE=xpl0siv;47293]i hate CrazyGoth666, banned.[/QUOTE]
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07-22-2007, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Random
Quote:
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Originally Posted by mhead1es
What's grosser than a baby in a trash can?
100 babies in a trash can.
Whats grosser than 100 babies in a trash can?
1 baby in a 100 trash cans.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by blank stare
What's better than ten babies in a bucket? One baby in ten buckets!
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God bless originality. |
Ooops didn't see it  sorry.
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09-28-2007, 03:14 AM
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Q: What’s the difference between military engineers and civil engineers?
A: Military engineers build missiles. Civil engineers build targets.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?
A: George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.
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Isaac Asimov
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09-28-2007, 02:17 PM
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Q:whates between a jew and a canou
A:the canou will evatully tip
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09-28-2007, 11:46 PM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by thecommie
Q:whates between a jew and a canou
A:the canou will evatully tip
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A canoe right? Other than from the spelling error, it's a decent one. Of course I certainly have nothing against the Jewish people, but it's OK.
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10-23-2007, 02:18 AM
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Q:What has seven arm's and sucks?
A: Def Leppard
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By learning pain, you can become a person who can be kind to others.
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10-23-2007, 02:49 AM
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Wanna hear a joke?
Women's rights.
Oh!
Just kidding. Kinda.
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10-23-2007, 12:46 PM
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I like that!
Kinda...
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[QUOTE=xpl0siv;47293]i hate CrazyGoth666, banned.[/QUOTE]
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11-12-2007, 08:53 PM
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kinda krappi but here goes:
edam is made backwards
(edam <> made)
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11-13-2007, 02:57 AM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by xualse
kinda krappi but here goes:
edam is made backwards
(edam <> made)
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Just as 'retsmah' is 'hamster' backwards? What's the joke? I feel stupid again..
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11-13-2007, 05:41 PM
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^^^^lol^^^^
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11-13-2007, 09:01 PM
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Locale town called "Tumut" bacwards "tumuT" Oh and Hannah hannaH.
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