Jokes

[A Toxicated Mind]

Alright, so do you remember any funny jokes? The ones that are really stuiped, so they are funny? Here are a few i thought of:
Q:What are catapillers affraid of?
Aogapillers.

sorry if this one is alittle, racist.
Q:Why are black people so tall?
A:Cause they're kneegrows.

Q:If im a testor, then what are you?
A:Testies[like testicals]

Add some of your own jokes here, when ever i hear any of those, i laugh really hard.

[Random]

A Toxicated Mind? A simple mind, perhaps?

[A Toxicated Mind]

Haha, yeah, just alittle bit. But you have to admit, the Dogapiller one is funny. Same thing with the Kneegrow one.

[practicaljoker]

Q: How many blond jokes are there?
A: 2. The rest are true stories.

Lol. Gets me every time.

[Cre8tor]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

**************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

**************************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

**************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[Cre8tor]

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a
very attractive
young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a
faithful wife, the mother of
your children. I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!"

And he replied: "Hang on just a minute, so at least I can tell you what
happened"

"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to
me!"

And he began: "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young
lady here asked me
for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on
her and let her into the
car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't
eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up
the enchiladas I
made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid
you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was
doing that I noticed her
clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she
needed clothes, I gave her
the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because
you say they are too
tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present,
which you don't wear
because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear
just to annoy her and
I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't
wear because
someone at work has a pair like them."

He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my
understanding and help and as I
walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said..

'"Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

[S7@1T3D]

Whats blue, yellow, white and sits in a pool?
Baby with its floaters slashed.

There where 3 men at heaven's gate and they had to show something to do with Christmas. The first man pulled out a lighter from his pocket and light it than explained it was a candle. The second man took his boots and socks off and held them up like stockings. Finally the third man pulled a g-string(thong) out and said they were Carols.

Whats 3ft high and cant turn around in hallways?
Baby with a javelin through its neck.

Whats big, tough, yellow and can't swim?
A bulldozer

Whats green, blue, yellow and sits in a pool?
The same baby 3 weeks later.

[A Toxicated Mind]

Q:Whats worse than ten babys stapled to one tree?/
A:One baby stapled to ten trees

[S7@1T3D]

Whats more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.

Whats the brown stuff between elephants toes?
Slow natives.

[Cre8tor]

whats grey and comes in buckets

elephants


Did you know that an elephants sexual organs are on its feet

yes, because if they stand on you, you're fucked


What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle

Say sorry and wipe it off

[wisesniper]

y dont blind people skydive?



it scares the shit out of the dog!! LOL

[S7@1T3D]

Why did the boy fall off the swing?
He had no arms.

Why did the girl fall off the bike?
Because she had no legs.

[-inefficiency-]

Whats the difference between a truck full of marbles and a truck full of babies?

You can't load a truck full of marbles with a pitchfork.

[BL00DY_R0AR]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

================================================== ===


This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

================================================== ===


[I've got to try this! :twisted: ]

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

[headcase]

How do you get ten babies into a salad bowl?
A blender.

How do you ge them out again?
Nachos.

Horse walks into a bar, and the barman asks, "Why the long face"?
Horse replies, "Because I have AIDS".

[practicaljoker]

How do you put a giraffe in the freezer?
Shove it in!

How do you get an elephant in the freezer?
Take out the giraffe and put the elephant in!

Theres an official jungle meeting and every animal has to go. Who couldn't come?
The elephant because hes still in the freezer!

Theres a moat full of crocodiles. How do you get across?
Just swim, their all at the animal meeting!

[S7@1T3D]

What do u get if u cross a kangaroo with a elephant?
Big holes all over Australia!

What do u get when u cross a Bulldog with a Shitsue?
A BullShit.

What do u get when u cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.

[Cre8tor]

why did the leaper leave the party?

he was sick of his back being used as a dip



Did you hear about the leaper prostitute?

Business was dropping off (but most were leaving a tip)

[practicaljoker]

Did you hear about the Scottish drag Queen?
He wore pants.

[Cre8tor]

close to a joke...

http://www.adultsheepfinder.com/

[MILLWALLD]

A Man gets arrested."Anything you s