relationship trouble.. (christians help me please)

[Kaos-theory]

hello, there members of bombshock.

if thoust is a christian, i need help.

i am not a christian myself. but the girl i like is. ( now i know some of you dont like this age gap shit but dont judge me because of it.)

basically she told her father i liked her. now her father told her it'd be wrong for her to go out with a non christian. Like if your not going to marry him, whats the point? and all this, now i can understand all this. Hes a father, and some one likes his daughter, now i like the girl lots, and she likes me, but because of what her father has said, basicaly theres no chance of us being together.

she goes to one of those churchs where the people talk in tounges and fall over and she also goes tp some surviver camp where they do profhecy and so forth. which i admit is amazing, she told me some bits of what happened.

basically if i could i would spend for ever with her, but because of all the shit thats going on, i see there being no chance of this. she likes me i know that she keeps dropping the hints and everything but because of this mater theres no chance. although one thing sparked hope " prehaps if you knew him and he knew you liked me and you were nice he might be alright" that means getting to know her old man, which im fine with, but im also putting my feelings on the line there, because if he keeps saying no, im basicaly sat there with feelings and nothing to do with them.

the girl in question is talented. Seriously she can sing, play piano and draw like ive never seen before, and im in awe.

one good reason was put forward, shes in her gcses right now starts yr 11(uk yearing system) this september, which means if we were together i wouldnt be affecting her college work as shes on summer pretty much. and when shes back in september i am as well. ive got a year of college left too, so i know what its like. I'd see her weekends and everything but i'd need to study too. (final years of mechanics before i decide to go to UNI)


i shall jump ahead, i could carry on writing for ages. i need to get it all of my chest.

A)is it wrong for her to like me? i mean she'd risk all her beliefs and do the oposite of what her father wants. which i could see might kill him inside..

B)what are my chances of getting the father to like me enough and understand i actualy care about there daughter enough to see, that i dont want to bring trouble to her life, and take her virginity. im not like that, but he doesnt know that


And finally a quickie, basicaly saturday we met up and the good bye was perfect was just missing a kiss, and she came out earlier with it 'shoulda forcably kissed me, that would have worked" and i explained i didnt want to force anything on her.. but whats she emplyed. it's like she wants it to happen but cant let it happen.

im just so lost.
help me guys.

this was a long shot post, and understand it may be deleted for being spam, but i geuinely want help. i woudlnt be doing this if i didnt.

cheers
kaos-theory :?

[kbk]

Well, I'm not a christian anymore, but I was, and my whole family is. Basically do what she said, get to know her dad. You'll have a hard as shit time since it sounds like she's one of them far out factions of christianity. Just do what you think would put you on his good side and if it works, keep it up. Use your common sense, don't go over there talking about getting stoned and wasted and banging a bunch of girls...

[S7@1T3D]

how old is she and how old are u kaos?

[custombass]

Yes I believe that the age gap would be a good thing to know...

[Bongermann]

I didn't have the attention span to read the entire post, but I've been in roughly the same situation before. Try to find a common interest, like a hobby, and see if you can't just hang out with him for a day, doing whatever it is you both share as a hobby; fishing, working on cars, etc.

[virus]

I really can't give any good advices, try to talk to her dad, that's the best option. If that doesn't work then it most likely boils down to whether she likes you enough to defy her father. It's not for her father to decide who she'll be with and what she'll do.

As for the kiss, most girls want you to "steal" a kiss from them. It's not that she can't let it happen, but she wants you to step up, be a man and take it from her :P And if not that then at least make it more likely to happen, look her in the eyes, invade her bubble and move your head closer for a kiss but don't kiss her. If she wants it she'll do the rest

Anyways I'm not the best one to give advices but I hope you find a way to work it out.

Oh and I'm not christian.

[Kaos-theory]

age gap.. here goes... heres where i get branded... heres where my ass gets handed to me.

shes 16 in september. im 18 in 15 days *rolls eyes* i guess this is gonan hurt me...
let the flaming comence...

cheers for the replys guys. her dads an ex-mechanic, so we could start chatting about that.
it sucks. flame me all you want. but i know my feelings

[virus]

Originally Posted by Kaos-theory

age gap.. here goes... heres where i get branded... heres where my ass gets handed to me.

shes 16 in september. im 18 in 15 days *rolls eyes* i guess this is gonan hurt me...
let the flaming comence...

cheers for the replys guys. her dads an ex-mechanic, so we could start chatting about that.
it sucks. flame me all you want. but i know my feelings

If it would be something like 14 and 18 then I'd tell you to wait :P As for 16 and 18 if somebody is trying to hand your ass over to you tell them to fuck off.

Personally I'm 3 years older than my gf and my brother is 7 years older than his gf. It's not that the age really matters after certain point, which is legally 16 here.

[Syrus]

best advise i can give is basically get to know the rents but dont get yourself whiped (in a sense), no matter what the girls like there will never be any reason to completly change for one.

[S25]

I say give up there are plenty more fish in the see.Why put so much hassle into this one?And after all the age gap is huge it wont last long anyways...

[Kaos-theory]

what makes you think that though? age gaps are nothing, espesially if you like each other enough,

and its not a hassle for me, if you wanted something say a nice shotgun. you would try your hardest to get it no matter. its liek trying to perfect black powder in pyrotechnics

[kbk]

My grandma and grandpa were 10 years apart. So this 2 years isn't a fuckin thing. It really doesn't matter. Deffinetly don't give up Kaos, I wish you the best of luck with this one man. I'm sure eventually you'll get her .

[S7@1T3D]

just try winni her over dont concentrate on her family as much be polite an curtious when you speak to her family but mainly concentrate on her

[Kaos-theory]

hey, she just came onlien for a short while. and we got some where *over joyed*

her mum thinks the same as her dad. but her dad, is not too bothered anymore, but he'd still be annoyed. so ive got to go to there shop when shes doing work experince and acidently bump into her dad like.

so now to plan that because i wont see her this weekend. im going to a festival.

and then maybe mention college and that im studying mechanics to take him back and get in good.... *right hook left hook kick to the balls...* nah and this may help my case, ill keep you all up date as the situate continues


(just remember the finalhope chronicles. this will be like that.. but think of it as the first chapter.)
Thanks for the support lads. its apriceitated

Kaos

[S25]

To be honest Kaos i think you get way too attached and every girl you like is usualy the one for yuou.....
I remember when the last girl broke youre heart,Why not be a bit more emotionaly detached and how can you expect soting off a girl who probably has noit liked the same type of music for over a year in a row to like you for anythig of longer periodTo be honest Kaos i think you get way too attached and every girl you like is usually the one for you.....
I remember when the last girl broke you re heart,Why not be a bit more emotionally detached and how can you expect somthing off a girl who probably has not liked the same type of music for over a year in a row to like you for anything of longer period.At there age the age gap is too large due to maturity differences,Kaos I have known you since you were 15 and you have changed hugely.....
At 20 or so when people have developed a lot more the age gap ain't such a difference but at this age it is....
I say get a girl you re own age!

[-inefficiency-]

Dude, firstly - Posting questions about your love life on an internet forum isn't good. You need to figure out this stuff yourself.

You're only 17, you need to stop getting emotionally attached - last time I did that I ended up missing out on a whole year and a half, when I could have be out getting laid...

Wait til you're like 30 before emotional involvement...

[Kaos-theory]

argh.
dont be so help full ayh.

thats all i want help. not a ruddy lecture.

[-inefficiency-]

That was NOT a lecture... If you want a lecture, I could easily give you one.

Seriously man... Get this thread locked, you don't need help from a forum... jeez...

[Kaos-theory]

no i wanted opinions, and options.

theres only a few chrsitians in my family, and i hardly see them. so theyre nto much good.


fine mod lock the thread, what ever, who gives a shit

[db]

Although what inefficiency said might sound like a swift kick to the nuts, he is right. Don't take it overly serious as 99.9% chance that the relationship won't last forever. Starting off as friends is the best way to go. It allows you to check out other women w/o being committed to her. In an indirect way it also allows you to get to know the parents better. If things go well then you can bump it up to something more serious, but don't get yourself stuck into a commitment too early.

[S25]

I agree exactly with db and Inneficancy .

[Steve_TPF]

I agree with db. My parents are extreme christians, and there was no way they would have allowed my sister to go out with a non-christo, however nice he was.
Might as well just be friends, frustrating I know but better than breaking your own heart/balls hoping for something you won't get.
Unfortunately I think youre stymied on the relationship, even if you did just want the occasional cuddle. That type of girl won't go against her parents, and you would feel bad if she did anyway.
I admire your courage in asking for help actually. It's not an easy thing, especially in matters like this.
My advice: you'll have to go through the loss/grieving process sooner or later. Might as well be sooner, before you invest too much. Easier said than done I know, but I think it's where you'll end up anyway.

[Kaos-theory]

thanks steve_tpf.

it is hard to ask for help.

the mod may do what ever he pleases with this thread, as it seems its what everyone wants..

[virus]

Originally Posted by Steve_TPF

you'll have to go through the loss/grieving process sooner or later. Might as well be sooner, before you invest too much. Easier said than done I know, but I think it's where you'll end up anyway.

It's true that you have to go trough it sooner or later but what you're saying is "Don't try to have a relationship because you'll break up in the end" which is just stupid.

Originally Posted by Neil Gaiman

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Most young people don't even know what love is, they think they're in love but they just have a crush. If you aren't ready to face the consequences then don't play the game. The higher you fly the harder you fall. After landing enough times face first you're ready to play the game.

The real problem here is that because she's extremely christian (at least you gave that impression) there's not much to gain from it. Still it's better to try if you're serious

It's your life and your choice, just don't come bithcing if you're hurt.

[-inefficiency-]

I wasn't saying that the mod should delete/lock this thread - I was saying I think that you should request that it is locked. I really don't think involving an internet forum, where thousands of anonymous people could read this, is a great idea.

Like db said, I know my answer sounded unreasonable, but I'm not trying to get at you or anything, mate. I jsut don't think this is the right place for that sorta thing.

Still, I think Steve and db have the right idea. Even if I don't agree with the form of discussion... I mean, msn even, but a forum?

Peace

[greenflame]

I have my own theory on the subject, but I'll not bother. Seeing as how I don't believe in sensativity and actuall true romance, I say forget her and move on. There is probably alot more ladys out there looking for a guy based on the same characteristics that got you this girl.

I'm sure the local twenty dollar whores will dress like nuns for a extra fee.

[-inefficiency-]

This is England - thats 20 POUND whores...

[Wurm]

Originally Posted by -inefficiency-

You're only 17, you need to stop getting emotionally attached...

...Get this thread locked, you don't need help from a forum...

Advice worth repeating.

[S25]

Originally Posted by Wurm

Advice worth repeating.

That and what greenflame said!Hit it on the nail guys!

[Synchronium]

To be fair, I went out with a girl for 3 years, and they were some of the best years of my life.

Sure, getting laid with emotionally barren bitches is fun for a while, but it's not everything.

Good luck with it, Kaos.