Free Postage by the Jolly Roger
The increasing cost of postage to mail letters and packages is
bringing down our standard of
living. To remedy this deplorable
situation, some counter control measures can be applied.
For example, if the stamps on a letter are coated with Elmer’s
Glue by the sender, the
cancellation mark will not destroy the stamp:
the Elmer/s drives to form an almost invisible
coating that protects
the stamps from the cancellation ink. Later, the receiver of the
letter can remove the cancellation mark with water and reuse the
ecological saving will also result from recycling
the stamps. Help save a tree.
is most efficently applied with a brush with stiff,
short bristles. Just dip the brush
directly into the glue and spread
it on evenly, covering the entire surface of the stamp. It
in about 15 minutes.
For mailing packages, just follow the same procedure as
above; however, the package should be weighed and checked to make sure
has the correct amount of postage on it before it is taken to
the Post Office.
the cancellation and the glue from the stamps can be
easily accomplished by soaking the stamps
in warm water until they
float free from the paper. The stamps can then be put onto a paper
towel to dry. Processing stamps in large batches saves time too.
Also, it may be helpful to
write the word ‘Elmer’ at the top of the
letter (not on the envelope) to cue the receiving
party in that the
stamps have been protected with the glue.
We all know that mailing
packages can be expensive. And we also
know that the handicapped are sometimes discriminated
against in jobs.
The Government, being the generous people they are, have given the
blind free postal service.
Simply address you envelope as usual, and make one modification.
In the corner where the stamp would go, write in (or stamp) the words
‘FREE MATTER FOR THE
BLIND". Then drop you package or letter in one
of the blue fedral mailboxes. DO NOT TAKE
THE LETTER TO THE POST
OFFICE, OR LEAVE IT IN YOUR MAILBOX.
Sounds very nice of the
government to do this, right? Well, they
aren’t that nice. The parcel is sent library rate,
that is below
third class. It may take four to five days to send a letter to just
This too is quite simple, but less effective. Put the address
that you are
sending the letter to as the return address. If you were
sending a $20 donation to the
pirate’s Chest, you would put our
address (po box 644, lincoln ma. 01773) as the return
Then you would have to be carless and forget to put the stamp on
A nice touch is to put a bullshit address in the center
of the envelope.
Again, you MUST
drop the letter in a FEDRAL mailbox. If the post
office doesn’t send the letter to the return
address for having no
stamp, they will send it back for the reason of "No such
Pirates Chest Dept. 40DD
P.O. Box 644865
Lincol, Ma. 41773
20 Fake Road
What Ever, XX 99851
One last thing you might try doing is soaking a cancelled stamp
off of an envelope, and
gluing it onto one you are sending. Then burn
the stamp, leaveing a little bit to show that
there was one there.