— Posted by MuNkY on 3:34 am on Mar. 19, 2002

I want to know the best way to kill next door neighbors  cat, with out them suspecting anything. Its her closest pet and I need it to be gone. It kills bird and it comes in my back yard. Is there any way to poision it or dart it.

— Posted by rishka on 4:15 am on Mar. 19, 2002

I’ve heard that if you give a cat something like panadol it will have heart failure and keel over like that.
Or you could always do the ol tricks for humans ,and that is get a disposable syringe ,just pull back the plunger so its full of oxygen and inject the cat with oxygen a few times , no-one would see it.
To feed the cat the panadol though , you’d have to mix it with a bit of food . Use panadiene fort to be sure.

— Posted by The Dark Avenger on 1:30 pm on Mar. 19, 2002

Antifreeze. Mix it with meat. Antifreeze has a bitter-sweet taste and most animals don’t realize they are being poisoned. Antifreeze causes kidney failure in dogs and cats, and unless it’s caught within the first three hours, the animal will die in less than 7 hours. After the first three hours though, nothing can be done to save it.

BTW…all of this info came from a vetrinarian, so I guess it should work.

P.S. Don’t mix it too strong or the cat will not eat it.

(Edited by The Dark Avenger at 1:32 pm on Mar. 19, 2002)

— Posted by Hergor on 1:33 pm on Mar. 19, 2002

nah, i’m a little suspicious if that panadol would work…

there’s been these instructions on the net that make me doubt, hehe:

“1) Pick your ”Pussy Cat” up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat/pussy from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat’s throat.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little rascal’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.”

[author unknown - original file named 'how to medicate your cat and dog']

anyway, i like the last point. just get some ‘commercial’ cat-catchers to take it away.

— Posted by MuNkY on 3:36 am on Mar. 20, 2002

The problem is that sometimes I cant get a hold of it. So should I bait some panidal in meat (crushed pills) and leave it out the fround or find it then trow it in frount off it.??????

— Posted by GhEtTo BoY on 4:27 am on Mar. 20, 2002

throw a brick at it an say a bird dropped it. :biggrin: nah
but its a kinda cruel thing to do in the first place but i mean if u really gotta do it and tha cats a real bitch put rats poisin in the food its bound to do somthin either that or kidnap it  the owner will jus think it ran away

— Posted by kingpin on 6:04 am on Mar. 20, 2002

is this you craig if it is what do you think your doing you are a girl and wouldnt harma fly letalone an innocent cat fool
p.s if munky isnt craig sorry

— Posted by mastamanny on 9:10 am on Mar. 20, 2002

Hang on…
let me get this straight.
You want to kill your neihbours cat because it “kills birds”and “comes in your back yard”?
So basicly its only doing anything that comes naturally to it.Do you have a problem with your nayba?
Do you have a deep rooted hatred for cats?
Is the cat killing protected wildlife?
Does it eat the dope growing in your back yard?
but if you really want to kill it …..101 and one ways right?
But the best way would be ….
“curiosity killed the cat”

so set a trap for it…….

— Posted by Meta4ce on 1:10 pm on Mar. 20, 2002

nah, cuzz

put a delicious bowl of milk or a bit of catnip on your porch…
for the milk – add a cup or two of bleach and sugar
for the catnip – you  basically dip it in rubbing alcohol (with a lil’ of this gasoline with foam melted in it) and wait until it dries…the cat will naturally come to the bait, eat that shit…then you sell the dead cat to some korean restaurant…for some $$$
come UP!

— Posted by Rebo on 3:14 pm on Mar. 20, 2002

the very best way is to give me your address. I can come to your house, and cut your fucking nuts off. Then, I will feed them to the cat & maybe it will choke. What the fuck is wrong with you-if you want to kill something, make it a human (who can fight back, & bury your ass in a soda lye grave, deep in the desert)-don’t be such a pussy

(Edited by Rebo at 9:15 pm on Mar. 20, 2002)

— Posted by Digital Mage on 3:30 pm on Mar. 20, 2002

Seriusly I know how annoying it is to go out to drink your morning coffe and find all of the veranda furniture sprayed with cat piss but is it realy so bad that you whan’t to kill the cat for this ? why not just go over and ask the neigbours to keep an eye out for the cat. If the ower don’t then call the cops it’s the owers fault if he don’t keep after the cat he won’t get time for it but hey a $100 fine would get anyone to but bill gates to keep a look out for that cat

— Posted by Ratty on 4:26 pm on Mar. 20, 2002

I’ve never seen so many people with such a blatant hatred for pussy. Why hurt a defenceless cat for the transgressions of it’s master. If the cats pissin you off, it’s the owners fault for not rectifing the matter. To kill your neighbor is a far more just solution.

— Posted by brainwave on 10:08 pm on Mar. 20, 2002

I have something you can do, get a fucking brain and use it, I mean how would you like it if a bear came out of the woods and killed you for pissing at a rest stop:cool:

— Posted by brainwave on 10:10 pm on Mar. 20, 2002

I have something you can do, get a fucking brain and use it, I mean how would you like it if a bear came out of the woods and killed you for pissing at a rest stop:cool:

— Posted by pubeman on 3:29 am on Mar. 21, 2002

put some broken glass in its food, it’ll fuck the cat up big time, but probably won’t kill it

— Posted by David carr on 3:43 am on Mar. 21, 2002

anything that kills humans in large amounts kills dogs and cats in small amounts like paracetomol and asprin weedkiller  rat poision theres loads of ways id kust crush some paracetomol up and put it in some milk simple

— Posted by GhEtTo BoY on 4:17 am on Mar. 21, 2002

hmm i think this forumn shut b closed coz nobody contributed to it that much and its a pretty dumb question anyway kinda like askin wat can i set fire to
JUST USE UR IMAGINATIOn
oh yeh btw if i ticked the boz that ses {DO YOU WANt AN EMAIL NOTIFICATION OF REPLIES how can i stop from gettin replies !!!

— Posted by FetalAlcoholSyndrome on 4:28 am on Mar. 21, 2002

i know that some small dogs will die if they eat too much sugar, especially  choclate, it speeds there heart up, so maybe try a shit load of sugar

and why does anyone care if you want to kill a cat, its your biz, i hate cats, they are a useless species they just make fay people and crazy women feel like they are needed

something tight would be to do that chinese resturaunt thing but then get it cooked and eat with your neigbor

— Posted by rishka on 5:01 am on Mar. 21, 2002

look , i dont know why everyones saying ‘dont hurt the defenseless cat’ but i know cats arent defenseless , what do you think they have claws for?
i have cats myself so i dont really hate cats as much , but i know mine piss me off when they do something stupid. thats usually when they get a boot up the arse.
the panadiene thing does work , its the same as taking the clotting agent out of their blood and it eats away at their organs until their heart malfunctions and they die . simple.

— Posted by Enries on 7:28 am on Mar. 21, 2002

you’ve done this sort of thing before haven’t you rishka
I’d never kill a cat, i love em…there great, tho i’m all for killing human beings.

— Posted by Rebo on 2:49 pm on Mar. 21, 2002

why WOULD you want to? If you don’t have the balls to go after something that has as good a chance of fucking you up, as you do it, then again, you are a pussy

— Posted by Ratty on 3:24 pm on Mar. 21, 2002

I agree. Only tyrants pick on the weak.What if after you kill the cat, the neighbor decides to by two or three to console themselves. Kill your neighbor, take out the problem at it’s root.