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Harmful additives are a formidable weapon against machinery, people, and processes. Additives perform one or more of the following:

1) Corrosion…sulfuric acid, for example, will corrode the gutter, eaves, and downspout of a home; dumped salt will mar a building surface or floor and kill a lawn.

2) Contamination…copper salts will rot rubber products; soap in a public or corporate fountain will create giant foam. Or put it in a steam boiler if you’re more serious about the matter.

3) Abrasion…introduction of light, coarse materials, such as resins, to automotive fuel, or metal filings placed in the gears of industrial machinery, will create frictional havoc.

4) Impurities…adding sugar to gasoline greates harmful carbon from the burning sugar, stopping the engine.

Soaps and detergents make wonderful additions to food and could even be beneficial if the target happens to be constipated. If not, then soap-laden munchies or drinks will really keep him moving.

During my stay as an invited guest of Uncle Sam I recall some dirty tricksters’ making an action statement against being in KP. They liberally coated various pans and cooking vessels with GI soap. They washed mugs with a lot of soap, then neglected to rinse them before letting the utensils dry. Later, when some drinkable potion like milk or coffee was poured into the mug by some unsuspecting mark, the soap was activated. Whoosh!

Soap is also a very effective additive to containers in which food is prepared. The secret is to disguise the taste. Various other additives will do that and other tricks.

A horny old pharmacist, Doctor Frank Pittlover, claims there really is a working aphrodisiac. His is almost as esoteric as the fake stuff you read about in men’s magazines. Here’s what Doctor Pittlover says: “It’s known as yohimmbine hydrochloride (C21, H23, O3N2), an obscure sex stimulant that operates on the central nervous system. It was the aphrodisiac used by the CIA in their MK/ULTRA scam.” It is not on the Central Substances Act list –yet–and it is classed as a “veterinary aphrodisiac.” That means you can get it openly from a pharmaceutical supply source. What you do with it after you get it is probably your own business.

There are other references to and uses of additives in many other topical areas of your revenge…many more than could be indexed here.

“Take tea and see” is a good advertising slogan that should also alert the dirty trickster to some additives brought to our attention by herbal-tea producers. Two common products of many herbal teas have side effects that the trickster could define only as delightful. First, some teas contain the leaves, flowers, and the bark of senna plant, a tropical shrub related to our bean plant. The dried leaves, bark, and flowers of this plant are a mighty powerful laxative. Chamomile flowers are also popular in herbal teas. Related to ragweed and goldenrod, chamomile can produce severe reactions in people sensitive to plants of that family.

The trick in both cases is to obtain extracts of both products and use them in concentrated enough additive form to create the desired effect.

Meanwhile, from the other end, Doctor Christopher Garwood Doyle has a prescription that could really get a mark moving. Syrup of ipecac is a common purgative, easily available. Here’s how Doctor Goyle uses it.

“Your mark is with you or your agent somewhere having a few drinks,” the doctor outlines. “Presumably, the mark is drinking something sweet and heavy, like rum and Coke. When the mark goes to the bathroom or is otherwise out of the area, mix one tablespoon of syrup in ipecac in with the drink.

“You now have a fifteen-minute waiting–or escaping, if you prefer– period for the mixture to get active. After that, bombs away! The mark will begin violent projectile vomiting, which really messes up the nearby environment and anyone else who happens to be the way.

“We first did this in medical school, using to get back at a classmate who’d turned us in to officials for having an after-hours party in our dorm with women and booze. They threw the book at us because we were supposed to be mature medical students.

“The student who did this fancied himself as a real boozer,” Doctor Doyle explained, “but he really was a hell of a hypocrite about it and really played pious when he turned us in. So we figured he who tattles about booze shall also toss his booze.”

Doctor Doyle reports that this additive will work easily with non-alcoholic drinks, too. He says the secret is to select a carrier drink that will hide the taste and consistency of the syrup.

Another good remedy for a hotshot is cascara sagrada, made from the dried root of a thorny shrub found on the American West Coast. It produces violent diarrhea. Once, Joe Kascaba introduced some cascara sagranda into a mark’s orange juice. The mark was with his girlfriend and her parents in their family car. He had the “juiced” orange juice about ten minutes before getting into the car.

Kascaba reminisced, “The stuff’s fast acting, and we were lucky to have the girlfriend’s brother as our ally, to report the action. It hit the mark about six minutes into the trip, and in another minute he didn’t even have time to yell for them to pull over. He just started letting go with loud, wet, explosive bursts.

“This is all in full witness of his girlfriend and her family in a tightly packed auto. He couldn’t get stopped, either. They took him to a hospital, but by then the additive was through his system and the storm had subsided. That surely is super powerful stuff.”

Kascaba explained why he had taken action this explosive action, saying, “The guy was a real creep. He was always trying to make out with other girls, and since he wasn’t very smooth, he used to get them drunk. This was always with other girls, of course–his regular girlfriend knew nothing about all of this.

“Well, one night he pulled this crap on a friend of mine, got her drunk, messed around…she got this feeling all guilty and emotional, then got sick –puked, in fact. He thought he was macho stuff and gave her hell for it.

“We figured if he was going to act like such a shit…well, I’m sure you understand….”

The above trick is suggested to be used in such a place so that your mark can not easily reach a bathroom within a few minutes after the attack hits. This will cause him to literally shit his pants and drip at the heels.

As a final note, Kascaba says not to use this powerful additive with older folks, because it weaken them to the point of very seroius medical complications such as dehyrdration which may kill them. Have some respect for the elderly, think of your grandmother!

The following trick is technically a substitution and not an additive: I know of one person who visited her mark’s home and emptied the hair conditioner out of his bottle, then poured Neet hair remover into the conditioner bottle. She knew that Operation Substitute was a bald success when she saw her mark in a local store several weeks later, wearing a large scarf on his head.

Vinegar makes a great substitute for nose drops or in nasal-spray devices. One especially nasty person also suggested it for use in eye drops. I’m not sure about that one though, sight’s a precious thing. You’d better reserve that one for a very deserving person that shot your dog, wrecked your computer, busted you for phreaking, etc.

More Additive Revenge Ideas

Heidi and Hamilton, the dynamic duo from Canoga Park, may have cooked up a delightful additive for your mark’s soup. It’s called jimsonweed, a flowering vine growing in Southern California and many other regions around the U.S. While the leaves are quite poisonous, the root is certainly bizarre, or at least it causes that sort of behavoir. According to Heidi, it is from the *Datura* family and was used by local Indians for getting buzzed.

In any case, Hamilton chopped some root into very fine pieces and put in into their soup without Heidi’s knowledge. She picks up the sad tale.

“Half an hour after eating I was tired and dizzy. In an hour I ahd the worst case of cotton mouth even…gallons of water didn’t even touch it. Soon after, I had the whirlies, like I was really drunk. This high wasn’t pleasant at all, because by now both of us were sicker than dogs with non-stop dry heaves. It lasted into the next morning, and I had blurred vision the whole day. Hamilton says he used about one-third cup of chopped jimsonweed to three quarts of lentil soup. Wow!”

The Dean of the Hayduke College of Pharmacology, Sambo Anderson, says jimsonweed is poisonsous and can be acutely hallucinogenic. He cautions that if you muse use it, boil out the poison, use sparingly, and then, only on a truly rotten mark.

As in my past books, a reader passes along yet another additive for Preparation H. Bill from New Orleans suggests superglue. I have no idea if this is even feasible. He swears that it will work. I’m afraid to ask. Superglue? Hey, man, that’s adding insult on injury.

If for some reason you want to keep you mark on the move, you can add mineral oil to his/her coffee. Roger Orlando suggests you do this is steadily increasing amounts until the correct posture for the mark is achieved.

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