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Did an airline ever lose your luggage? Veteran air traveler Dottie Hunte suggests you return their favor and make yourself some money. Here’s her scam. Arrange to have a friend meet you at the terminal gate when you deplane. Give your friend your baggage claim checks and have him/her retrieve your bags from the carousel, then leave the baggage area with your luggage, be sure you get your claims checks back. Then you saunter over to the baggage area and spend half an hour waiting for you bags. Ask the clerk for some help, then report your “missing” luggage, showing your claim checks as proof.

“Very few flights have a clerk that actually check the baggage and collect the claims checks,” she says. “It’s foolish, but they don’t.”

She suggests you “make a polite but firm scene and demand satisfaction. Normally, the airline people will have you fill out a form, and they will attempt to trace your luggage. Obviously, they won’t find it. Bug them some…write them letters. Soon, you should get a good settlement from the airline.” Don’t pull this one on the same airline more than once, Hunte cautions.

Leaving the airlines and aiming for individual mark, you can do a lot of personal damage. For instance, if you find that your mark is going to use airline travel and there are only a few travel agents in town, you could call until you find the correct one and cancel the reservations. Or if you know the name of the airline, call their office and cancel the mark’s reservations.

You might try to slip a couple of rounds of pistol ammunition or a switchblade knife into your mark’s pocket just before he goes through the metal detector at the airport terminal. You could also slip some drugs into his pocket at the same time. Read a book on pickpocketing to note the technique for doing this. It’s quite easy since you are placing stuff back.

Bill Cutcheon sometimes poses as a Moonie, Hare Krishna devotee, or other cultist and goes to airports. His goal is to act like a completely obnoxious fool. He really hams it up, usually getting tossed out after totally grossing out the passengers. The heat, of course, falls equally on the cults and on the airport for letting “them” behave like that.

Another Cutcheon stunt is to leave accurate-looking but totally bogus hijack scenario plans, bomb diagrams, or orders for terrorists attacks in airport bars and restrooms. This fires up both the rent-a-cops and the real security people. The security delays and resultant hassles with passengers create unhappy people who are angry at airports and airlines.

Naturally, thew blame for these plans must focus on the original perpetrator of Cutcheon’s problems. He says, “If some nut group’s been hassling me for money, messing in my neighborhood, or otherwise being obnoxious, I’ll leave evidence to pin the hijack or bomb rap on them. I got back at a motorcycle gang by doing this once, after they had sideswiped my truck and refused to pay damages.”

He also explains that this is a good vengeance grabber against an airport facility that has offended you.

Mitch Egan of San Francisco doesn’t like cultist panhandlers harassing people at airports, so he founded the Fellowship to Resist Organized Groups Involved in Exploitation, or FROGIE. Egan and his friends use those little metal clickers shaped like frogs to ward of religious solicitors.

According to Egan, thousands of people across the country are now armed with the little metal frogs, and when a religious panhandler approaches, they whip out the clicker and “Click, click, click!” the pest away.

“In San Francisco, I saw two hundred people clicking away at a Krishna,” Egan remarked. “They blew her right out of her socks.”

He adds, “If God wants a dollar from me, he can ask for it. I’m not against religion, but I’m fed up with organized beggars.”

Relief is just a click away.

I knew a chap who became annoyed at a Krishna who followed him out of the Indianapolis airport, verbally abusing him for not making a contribution. Having surreptitiously “armed and primed” himself, our hero suddenly stopped, whipped around, and pissed all over the startled harridan. After the few necessary seconds of attack, he calmly replaced himself, zipped up, and walked away. A bemused security cop nearby tried to hide his laughter.

More Airlines Revenge Pranks

Here’s a wonderful variation on one of the old airline message jokes. It came about because Geneth of Huston was tired of flight delays and hassles, all excused by lies about airport security. An idea formed in Geneth’s mind.

The primary mark was the least favorite airline. A secondary mark was a passenger chosen in the terminal because of some form of rude on-site or other crude behavior. The medium was a handwritten note done by one friend, while the delivery system was another friend of Geneth’s who left the airport immediately after handling the note in a sealed envelope to a boarding attendant at the gate, along with this verbal request:

“See that man/woman ahead, just getting on? That’s my uncle/aunt (husband/wife, son/daughter,etc.) and I have a nice birthday surprise (smile a whole lot) for him/her. Would you please give him/her this note when you get airborne? It’s OK if everyone wants to sing along. Gee, (laugh), is old (name) going to be surprised.”

The note that will be opened in-flight by an unsuspecting mark contains one of these three messages:
  • Please be discreet. If you have any flying experience come to the front to the airplane; the pilot’s dead.
  • This airplane has been hijacked and the terrorist have chosen you to be dumped out of the cargo hatch as a symbol. Come to the cockpit or we’ll blow up the airplane.
  • A four-year old girl/boy has identified you as the person who molested him/her in the bathroom of the airport just before departure. We are holding you for arrest until landing in __________.

This will create some fun, and some confusion. It will work best if neither of the marks, primary or secondary, has a sense of humor.

If you are a frequent flier, you will note how the human cattle called passengers line up at the restrooms shortly after the in-flight meal has assaulted their systems.

You might beat the line next time you’re aloft and put a generous coating of Elmer’s glue on both the top and bottom of the toilet seat while the meal is being served.

Customs Service Prank

If your mark has been or will travel out of the country, you might want to help make a memorable return home by filling out a U.S. customs declaration in his/her/their name.

Forms may be obtained at international airports. After being creatively completed, it can be left in an airport, smuggled into a custom area or given to airport security. It would all depend how and upon whom you chose to use it.

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