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Answering Machines

You may want to play the answering machine for various reasons, maybe they have done you wrong and you want to give as good as you get or just for pure enjoyment.

Maybe it’s because he’s from Oakland and had to put up with Al Davis all those years, but Chester the Spoon has some advice for folks who don’t like answering machines. He suggest you make many, many repeated calls over a thirty or forty-minute period and leave either no message or rude, untraceable ones. The idea is to overload the machine and, perhaps, make the mark miss an important call.

A more direct method, which comes from Alik Allotjka, requires access to your mark’s answering machine, which, of course, would be easy in a business office. But don’t forget social occasions when you might have a free run of his or her home. It’s a great way to pay back someone who’s used a telephone to abuse you in one form or another.

Prerecord an answering- machine message of your own design in your mark’s name. Make it awful, crude or whatever would do the most damage. Substitute this tape for the one already in the machine. Do it during a time period when you know it will get maximum play.

More revenge ideas for Telephone Answering Machines

As always, Jimi the Z has an answer for these mechanical monsters. A gentle starter from Jimi is for you to record the mark’s own opening lines, then when his machine beeps for your message, play back his own line to him. With luck, the mark will think his machine is screwing up and take it in for costly unecessary repairs. Do this a lot; it works well.

If your mark is likely to react badly to scary things, try this approach. Tape the voices of demons telling the mark evil things. Use your creative imagination for background and voice style. Use messages that create paranoia and stress, such as his/her mate having sexual relations with animals, necrophilia, et cetera. Quote the darker passages from Milton, Hitler, Poe, Goethe, Mick Jagger, Ron Reagan, or Phil Anders. Study the instructive parts from *The Exorcist* for help there.

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