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CB Radio

Want to send your neighborhood CB nut a message? This nut is the CB addict who refuses to filter his/her equipment and thus disrupts TV, stereo, AM/FM, and other normal communication for blocks. Usually, these idiots are about as sensitive to other people’s feelings as Idi Amin was to the plight of the poor. In both cases a lesson is called for.

To do this effectively, heed the lesson of Sterling Orco, who says you must personally interdict the mark’s CB antenna. It would be well to do this when the mark is away from the home area. Unfasten the CB Radio coax line from the mark’s antenna. Then clip two leads of a regular 110-volt line to the CB coax–one lead to the center conductor, the other lead to the shield. Small alligator clips will do nicely. Then, hop down from your perch near the antenna and plug the other end of the 110-volt wire into your mark’s nearest outdoor socket.

Next time he/she turns on the CB Radio and hits the transmit button…well, words fail to describe the results adequately. One comment–even the repair people will shake their heads.

A bit less destructive, but no less nasty, Is the old pin-in-the-coax trick. You prick a tiny pin through the plastic outer cable and through the shield. Be sure it touches the center conductor. Then cut the head off the pin and push it in some more–out of sight. The plastic should close behind the pin, making the wound invisible. Just make sure that the pin short-circuits the center conductor to the metal outer shield. Do a couple of these along the coax between the antenna and the CB Radio set. It does stuttering wonders for the transmission

More payback ideas with CBs

CB must be a dying species. As I drive across our country on the potholed mazes we used to call highways, I rarely hear the Good Buddies like I used to a few years ago. Nontheless, if you are still bothered by a troublesome CBer, beg borrow or buy with full-intent-to-return the biggest, most powerful linear amplifier you can locate that will work with your mobile CB. Pull up in your mark’s driveway or near his vehicle when you know he is on the air. Wait until he is recieveing, then key down with all the power your unit can muster. Poof! You put his off the air, and, maybe, through the roof.

If your mark has graduated from CB to ham radio, and you can get his license call letters and access to a radio to use, you can have a lot of fun. Play funky and kinky music, jam out repeaters and simplex operations, keep giving his call sign over the air, talk dirty, and then cursingly dare other ham operators to track you down. Abuse them verbally. Abuse their mothers. CAUTION: stay mobile and be prepared to move fast, fast, fast. Hams are the best signal trackers anywhere-far better than the FCC or those Nazis you always see using radio tracking vans to hunt down spies and resistance leaders in WWII movies. All this expert technical advice comes from Filth McNasty, who knows because he does.

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