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To err is human, to really muck things up requires a computer. That’s the good word from Jim Whitehead, our computer expert. According to Jim, any competent programmer on a medium or large computer can write a program that generates another program and so on. You have the original program generate two others, each with different random names. These programs are copies of the orginial.

Thus, an electronic “tumor” will be created which doubles every half hour or so, eventually bringing the entire system to a grinding halt. Jim says you can also bury this tumor in a program, to be activated only when a certain set of conditions happen, creating a computer time bomb.

One of Jim’s other refinements could make merry times for someone in corporatedom. He notes that some systems as so computerized that they generate, write, and mail letters automatically without having a human involved. It’s all in the programming. Jim leaves it to the imagination of the reader to devise uses for this ability, e.g. use the computer to sign the names of uptight officers of a very straight corporation on letters advocating a satanic cult to be sent to stockholders. Use the corporate letterhead, of course.

Not one to ignore upgrading treachery along with the establishment’s technology, may I offer a new piece of equipment for use in confusing computers. Computer expert Gunther Girkin says that large magnets aren’t very efficient at upsetting computers and suggests the use of an E-Bow. An E-Bow is a little gizmo that electric guitar players use to get that “Wah-Wah” sound. It sets up an AC magnetic field to vibrate the guitar strings. Girkin says that same field does a helluva job on computer tapes, floppies, hard disks. etc. One big drawback is that an E-Bow costs over a hundered dollards. Of course, you could get freindly with a guitar player and borrow one for your attack.

More Computer Pranks and Revenge Ideas

The computer won’t really be human until it can make a mistake, then cover up by blaming the error on some other helpless machine. More than one critic has pointed out that it is machines, not people, that both run and ruin our society. It seems perfectly proper, then, to seek vengeance against these tyrannical mechanical masters of ours. Most of us have the advantage when fighting a machine, because we can reason, we can note shades of gray, and we can think abstractly, beyond a set program. Machines cannot do this, unless some person translates these abstractions into programmed sets of yes or no.

The classic way of fighting a computer is to punch a few extra holes in the computer card. This, of course, screws up the system, and the computer regurgitates your card. A supervisor must handle the situation manually, which costs money and time. People punch these extra holes in cards using a keypunch machine at a nearby school, or they simply and carefully cut a keypunch pattern with an X-acto art knife.

This sticky trick delights repair people, in addition to you. Place a large strip of Scotch tape on several computer cards. The slippery surface causes cards to fall off the track and into the bowels of the machine. A repair person has to come and perform mechanical surgery on the machine to remove your fatal paper bullets that felled the machine. This sort of dirty trick can tie up equipment for several hours of very, very costly down time.

Should the opportunity arise that you have a few secure moments with some reels of computer tapes and you want to screw up whoever or whatever controls the data on these tapes, you might try passing a portable electromagnet back and forth across the tapes. It erases them just the way a bulk eraser cleans off you audio tapes at home. In many cases computer-tape records are the only records kept by many companies and schools.

Revenge with Computer Assignment Cheater

Eons ago, it seems, I told you about the advent of X-rated computer games. Now, Bothersome Burt refines this trend. He knew a guy in school who used to cheat on computer assignments by using other people’s programs. Burt decided to share, too.
“Make a copy of one of those ‘dirty old men’ X-rated game disks, making sure it has really obscene graphics. Label it with the mark’s name and the identification of some popular program, then put it in the school’s computer room library. Red faces in the sunset,” Burt says with a chortle.

Some Really good Computer Revenge Ideas

  • Change the prompt on someones computer to be black on black. This is rather cruel if the person is computer illiterate. Very effective the day before a big project is due.
  • It is possible to play sounds remotely on some workstations. (Sun SparcStations for instance) You can have all kinds of fun playing sounds like flushing toilets and other unusual sounds. Works best if the person is a relative newbie.
  • Run a XXXGIF slide show on the overhead computer projectors found in many computer rooms and large lecture halls. Very effective if done before a large class. You may wish to superglue the drive doors shut as well as all the relevant power switches in the “on” position and the power cables to the wall and hide the keyboard.
  • Write a small program that prints “Formatting C:” and starts printing a series of dots at intervals afterwards. Simulate disk access by contiuously creating and deleting an empty text file.
  • Write a daemon that sends each individual page of a print job to a different printer on the network. Select the printer at random.
  • Put an intercom inside a machine and then convince some nerd that it is an AI with voice recognition.
  • Convince a newbie that there has been a virus going around that presents hypnotic patterns on the screen which can really mess up your mind. Then start up remotely or set to start at a particular time a fractal program of some sort. They’ll probably panic big time.
  • Write a TSR that turns the keyboard on and off at short intervals. You’ll watch the person try keyboard after keyboard. Can also swap keys using ANSI.SYS or xmodemap depending on the system.
  • Convert a XXX image to a bitmap and make it someone’s OS/2 or Windows backround. You can also change the backround of someone’s XWindows session remotely as well as make picture appear and they can’t stop you. (use XV or a similar program)
  • Rig the spring in a Macintosh floppy drive to fire the disk a goodly distance from the machine upon ejection.
  • Reverse the turbo switch so that the machine runs fast when it should run slow and slow when it should be fast.
  • If they haven’t changed the default password for their BIOS, change it yourself and lock them out of their machine.
  • Write fake disaster error messages that appear at random time.

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