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A serious dirty trickster should have a supply of ammonium sulfide. This liquid is loads cheaper to buy than milk, booze, or gasoline. It smells so awful that no one, not even the most terminal of coke sniffers, can stand to be around it once it has been brought into play. It may be sprayed or vaporized. Using this stuff as a base, Kurt Saxon offers a very effective formula for making your own stinkum in his book THE POOR MAN’S JAMES BOND. The stuff is so potent that it should have to be registered somehow with someone. Phew. But it’s easy to make, and as long as it’s harassing your mark’s glands, what do you care?

A little leave-behind hostess present can be a small, uncapped bottle of butyric acid. Propped near the door you’re closing, it will be knocked over when the mark enters the room. Phew.

Crowd-dispersal devices are also good choices for the trickster’s arsenal. These include spray cannisters, gas grenades, pens, and other chemical-dispensing weapons. Many of these items may be purchased over the counter in some states. They’re generally sold under a variety of trade names and generally contain CS gas, which is a military version of tear gas. If you obtain it without undue risk, MACE is an excellent choice. Many manuals tell you how to make your own MACE.

You can buy many of these materials by mail order. Check current shipping regulations and any laws against these devices in your own area first, of course. One of the best mail-order companies in this business is American Colonial Armament, P.O. Box F, Chicago Ridge, Illinois 60415. If you are or can appear to be a law-enforcement official you can have access to a veritable smorgasbord of sophisticated gas weapons by getting a catalog from the F. Morton Pitt Company, at 1444 S. San Gabriel Blvd., San Gabriel, California 91776. Finally, if you prefer to brew up your own gases, get a copy of Kurt Saxon’s classic book THE POOR MAN’S JAMES BOND. He tells you how to do it all in your own kitchen workshop. You can get his book from Atlan Formularies, P.O. Box 438, Eureka, California 95501.

From Elmer Bill, our gardening editor, comes the charming advice that spray cans of Raid and other insecticides provide you with an improvised defensive weapon. The stuff burns the eyes badly and will fire an eight- to ten-foot spray.

This buffet of gaseous ideas is method only. The rationale behind why you would use such tactics is your own business, of course. But at times when people or institutions have done you dirty — a dose or so of noxious gas may help set the record straight for you.

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