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After Edgar got ripped off, then physically busted up in a drug deal at his local bikers’ bar, he had some fun. Considering that he was going to split for Panama on a permanent basis, he decided to “act” as a purchasing agent for that biker group in making a deal for some “off-paper” street guns, i.e., guns not properly registered and sold. He knew he was dealing with undercover agents of the BATF.

“I set up the deal and pulled in a few of the brothers who had me beat up, letting them think that I was trying to get back into favor,” Edgar told me. “I got the deal set, then I split. I learned that four of my former brothers got busted in Maryland on federal gun charges and are going to do about three to five years each. Good news.”

Alonzo Hitler bought one of those very realistic-looking replica submachine guns after his boss literally walked away from his gambling debt to Alonzo by pointing a loaded pistol “near” Alonzo’s testicles, and telling him the debt was paid.

“Enough of that bull. I got the replica submachine gun and got a girlfriend to drive,” Alonzo said. “I knew the boss was out of town for the day so we took his very recognizable Continental from where he’d parked it. “She was behind the wheel and we drove all over town. I had done a bit of disguise makeup and had dressed the way my boss always dressed so from a distance I looked like him. Every time we came near a crowd, I waved the fake gun out of the car window. People scattered.

“We drove through a mall parking lot and I screamed at a group of senior citizens waiting for their buss, ‘Get down or I’ll blow your worthless heads off.'”

This went on for only ten minutes as Alonzo and friend figured the police would be beaming along soon. The boss had parked his continental at the airport which is where Alonzo and his girlfriend left it – thirty minutes before El Jefe’s flight was due in.

When the boss landed and walked up to his car, he found several police cars and some very antsy officers waiting for him with their own, very real guns drawn. They wanted to discuss his gun waving car ride that afternoon. Airline alibi? The boss had no airline alibi. He had faked the flight and ducked out the side door of the airport to meet his extramarital sweetie in the car for a trip to a nearby motel. She brought him back in time to “come off” the flight and appear to be arriving home to his wife and family. Alonzo knew all of this, of course.

“It took a month and about $1,300 of his lawyer’s time to straighten out all of this,” Alonzo reports. “I’m not sure how it all came out at home, though. Poorly, I hope.”

Gun Dealer

If your potential mark is a federally licensed gun dealer, you can target his posterior in rapid-fire big trouble by reporting him to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms, a federal bureau that enforces gun laws, often beyond their letter. Most dealers fear the BATF the way Jewish folks feared the Gestapo in WWII’s Germany.

The best way to attract attention to the dealer is to call BATF and tell them the dealer is selling guns without paperwork, selling to kids and fancying stolen guns. Another idea would be to buy an ad in the local newspaper on behalf of your gun dealer/mark and advertise that he sells live machine guns cheap and without all the federal paperwork. Stress in your ad that the dealer has “found a loophole in the fed’s stupid law” that lets him sell machine guns freely. Clip the ad and send it to BATF in Washington.

It’s true that most gun dealers are very honest, fill-in-all-the- paperwork legal people, so use this stunt only if the mark is a true bastard or crook. The fun can come if your mark is not a licensed gun dealer. Better yet, if he or she hates guns, then you have a perfect mark for another BATF scam. Plant weapons and dummy sales records, and make actual sales to hoods in the mark’s name, and so on. Then, report Mr. Anti-gun to the feds as an unlicensed dealer.

More Gun Nuts Revenge Stories

The worst enemies that gun owners have are their own rednecked mental peewees who write letters to *American Rifleman and Gun Week* tying all the gun woes to liberals, communists, and everything else in the world. They are the singleminded adults whose entire lives revolve (no pun intended) around the issue of gun control. Generally, they are from small towns and have IQs to match. If only there were a way to keep these bad examples out of the public media. Oh, well.

Bud Hammell is a gun collector who was harassed by the state police because a fellow collector informed one of their agents that Bud was selling guns to kids, didn’t keep sales records, and so on – all untrue. What had Bud really done? He had fairly outbid Mr. Informant on a gun collection for sale. To get back at the jerk, Bud waited a year, then placed some classified ads.

“I put the ads in controversial underground and radical publications – both left and right wing. I advertised “Machine Guns and Silencers for Sale… Cheap!”

In his ad, Bud made such clever claims as “I handle all red tape – no forms for you to fill out, no expensive tax stamps…no worry with the police or BATF.”

Naturally, the name, address, telephone number, and dealer number or Mr. Informant want on the bottom of the ad as its logo. Mr. Informant was a licensed gun dealer, but he didn’t have the proper license to sell machine guns or silencers. The ads had only been out a week when the first federal agent came to talk with Mr. Informant.

Ask anyone who is a licensed gun dealer or knows the business; it’s really bad news to have these gun law feds on your case, especially if you are innocent. America’s federal gun law cops are the nearest thing to the Gestapo we have.


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