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Guide to ‘Professional’ Housebombing / Homewrecking

EGG BOMBING

Initially, go to a party store or grocery store and pick up a dozen eggs. Or any amount. We have ripped through 4 dozen EASILY in an hour before, so.. I recommend buying Jumbos. They cost more, but they ‘pack a bigger punch’ and cause picture windows to shimmy upon impact. Also, for the economist, most Meijer grocery stores sell an 18 pack, that we find quite useful. If you REALLY have it out for the mark, you may either hardboil them, as this will do WONDERS for windows! Hah! Or else, you MAY consider putting them in a bucket in your backyard, and let them sit there for about 4 days of good hot sun, will will cause them to spoil and emit a raunchy odor. Remember, maybe the mark may need his smelling tested…

First off, casually drive by a few times, make mental notes, and get ready. We suggest looking for things such as open windows in the front of the mark’s house, lights, neighbor’s activity, cars etc. At one job, I doused the lights and me and a buddy hopped out, and a guy down the block flashed his headlights at us and saw us wearing ski masks, and saw us turn the block with a cardboard plate, and proceeded to chase us for about 2 miles, until I lost him on a local freeway. Another time, I caught a guy fucking his girlfriend 200 feet away from our prospective job, so I merely gave him the brights, honked and gave him the ‘thumbs up’.

We suggest either a 4 door car, or a van. Then pull around the block, get the ammo [eggs] opened up, and easily accessible. Egg cartons usually are styrofoam, or cardboard and can be torn, so each man gets a section bearing 3-4 henfruits. Have one accomplice get out of the vehicle and either place a fast food paper bag over the license plate, or as we prefer, have a precut piece of cardboard to : , which are the dimensions of North American license plates. [ Note: does not include motorcycle plates which are smaller, duh!] Use duct tape to securely fasten the cardboard to the plate framework. Then proceed to take a piece of cardboard, approximatley 5″ x 5″ and place it over the dome light. [This is ESSENTIAL. One night we were almost caught by a manager, except I was in the back of my friend’s Escort with my hands over the dome light so he couldn’t identify us. Then tape the dome light cover in place, prefererably with duct tape. Then, have each man don a ski mask, black preferrably [our trademark], and drive back around the block. When you get approximately 200 feet from the mark’s residence, turn off the headlights, and pull the car up near the curb, but leave about 4-5 feet of leeway on the side closest to the mark’s house for maneuverability.

The next option, is who does the work. You have a couple options. First, suppose you are in a car. Cars are easy to get in and out of, so you may want to have the driver, and two men on the passenger side [front + back] get out. The optional driver getting out, should only be done when the mark’s street is dark, easy to get out of the subdivision very quickly etc. In that case, have the driver out the car in neutral, and ease it to a stop so that it is only 1 gear shift to getaway, instead of 3. Also, this assumes a flat terrain. This DEFINITELY does not apply in San Francisco, where you will helplessly look back to see your getaway vehicle coasting down the street in reverse.

The other main vehicle we have used is a van. This is VERY useful, as you can have 4 men get out VERY fast. Have a guy ride shotgun and get out, have 2 guys get out of the sliding door on the side, and have one man hop out of the back door.

For best results, you may wish to ‘lob’ the eggs, rather than give them a Nolan Ryan fastball. The physics of eggs causes them to explode over a larger region this way.

Get all of the bombers close to the house, and madly throw eggs. We usually had SPECIFIC targets. E.g., one man would bomb the car in the driveway, while another hit a picture window, while another would go for doors, garage, etc. In any case, the driver should NOT launch more than three eggs, as he has to go get in, and get it in gear, and peel away.

I suggest house bombing in the winter, when the eggs will freeze and people will be less reluctant to go outside in the cold to remove them. One bitch’s house wore our ‘treat’ for about 2 months… Also, in the summer, cars are prime, as the albumin in the egg does WONDERS for a paint job.

BOLOGNA TRICK

This is more of a kid’s prank, but I have included it, because it can and WILL wreck a car’s paint job. Basically, all you do, is go to the neighborhood butcher and buy the slimiest, greasiest bologna, olive loaf, etc. The go to the mark’s house/work and place it on his vehicle. This has to be done in the summer and on a hot day. The acids in the meat will cook out, and literally fry on his car. The result is, after a few hours, a permanent circle remains on the victim’s hood, in a lighter shade. So for example, if he has a red car, he may have pink circles… Basically, it makes the vehicle look like hell, and will force him to either pay for another paint job, or look like an ass.

MAILBOX HYJINX

A mailbox is a sitting duck. I have hated mail boxes for years, due to increasing postage, which I protest against. Letters should cost 10 cents to mail if the bureaucracy didn’t embezzle, screw things up, etc. So anyways, first determine the location of the target. In prime residential areas, residents usually have mailboxes at the house, and in more rural areas at the curb. If it is at the curb, you can play a fun sport we call ‘Mailbox Baseball’ by driving by and having the passenger of your car take a whack at the thing with a bat. It can dent the thing, and rile the mark…

Another idea is to seal the bastard shut. This will work with ALL mailboxes. Merely whip up a batch of mortar or cement and leave it wet [premade]. Drive to the mark’s house and FILL his mailbox. His mail carrier will be shocked, and thus the mark will have to shell out about another $30 for a new mailbox.

One of the BEST fear tactics is to make a ‘bomb’. Most marks are dummies and can’t tell a real bomb from an obvious fake. So here is how to construct your ‘explosive’:

Materials: 3-4 road flares 1 Baby Ben alarm clock 1 small roll of electrician’s tape 6-7 assorted colored wires 1 pair of scissors

Construction: Piece the road flares together and hide, or tape parts that identify what it is. Cut a piece of electrical tape and tape the flares together. Then tape the alarm clock to the flares. Then tape the wires leading from the alarm clock region, to the flares. Result… Fake bomb.

Then merely place it inside of the mark’s mailbox, and upon discovering I can ALMOST 100% guarantee that the discoverer, either the postman, or the resident, will IMMEDIATELY notify the local police department, who will proceed to bring fire trucks, evacuate close residents, bring in bomb sniffing dogs, or the bomb squad to detonate the thing. The result is that you have caused the mark a lot of embarressment, including’ media coverage, neighbor’s getting pissed etc. WARNING : The bomb squad guys are by **NO MEANS** ‘dumb’ and will probably spot the fake and dust it for fingerprints, so you will want to wear gloves at ALL times when handling its components. Note: If you are a real cruel and sick individual, you might as well use a real bomb…

Another anarchical idea is to make a pipebomb, there are many fine files, and many good books such as the ‘Black Books’, ‘The Anarchist’s Cookbook’, or ‘Kitchen Improvised Plastic Explosives’ that will give good recipes for contructing pipe bombs. Upon detonation, it will cause the mailbox to blow apart in ALL directions, hurling shrapnel everywhere, so if there are small children in the area, PLEASE do this at night, as only the mark deserves to suffer your reign of terror…

THE LAWN

Many marks happen to take avid pride in their lawn and garden, especially if they live in some ritzy area. Therefore, it would be a warm feeling for them to see this desecrated during the night hours. There are a few tried and true methods to do. Some range from childish, to devious, to downright bastardly!

The old tried and true method is the lawn job. Every teenager with a car has done a few of these to the neighborhood bitch, or the guy who stole your girlfriend. Basically all you do is drive on the lawn at a good speed in low gear and peel out, causing grass to fly about. The downfall to this is it causes a lot of noise, but maybe the mark needed to wakeup anyways…

Another oldie is to bleach the damn thing to death. The common method is to take a gallon jug of bleach, and pour it on the lawn. This will biologically kill the chlorophyll cells in the greenery, and turn it to albino. So soon their grass will turn white and die. [This works nicely also with flowers, plants, and trees!] A nice ‘touch’, is to either write an inspiring note in bleach, such as “PAYBACKS ARE HELL”, “FUCK THE WORLD, ANARCHY RULES”, or “HELLO MR(s). x”. Some anarchists prefer to use a calling card, similar to a cattle mark. My personal favorite is the good old anarchy symbol : the capital A inscribed in a circle.

A more deviant method to the aforementioned, would be to play with the mark’s sprinkler system, and hook up a bottle of bleach to it at night [you will want to be wearing a swimsuit for this one…]. Hook the gallon jug into the hose setup with the top of an Ortho spray bottle, with a LONG siphon tube going down to within 1″ of the bottom of the bleach jug. This apparatus will run all night bleaching the whole damn lawn, and he will either be forced to resod, or be the owner of the community eyesore and be ostracized by the neighbors… WARNING: Bleach will whiten ANYTHING [good for the mark’s vehicles as well..], but also may ruin YOUR attire, so wear beat up blue jeans, junk tennis shoes, and an old shirt when pulling this caper. Also avoid contact with the skin as it will whiten your skin and cause part of the epidermis to die and peel off…

Another goodie, that can be accomplished for less that $2-3, is to buy some bottles of finishing nails, or tacks from the local hardware store and happily scatter then throughout the mark’s lawn. This will cause much pain if the mark, his children, or his pets happen to encounter them. This may also do wonders for his lawnmower…

Many people annually use fertilizer to cause a more green and asthethically appetizingly beautiful lawn. I do not have any direct figures, but I am sure tons of nitric fertilizer are sold annually. The key to this is that after all, nitric components BURN. Everyone has heard of nitric acid, nitroglycerine, and TNT [2,4,6-trinitrotoluene]. Nitrogen is the key component of all of these, as well as nitric fertilizer which will add nitrogen to the soil to replenish nitrogen loss. Get a nice quantity, and sprinkle it all over his lawn, thicker the better. If the mark does not water this often enough, excess fertilizer will literally fry his lawn and the grass will die… And if you have some fertilizer left over, there are many fine recipes available for kitchen improvised fertilizer explosives.

VEHICLE SABOTAGE AND DEVILTRY

I have made referrences throughout the text to different odds and ends you could do to a mark’s vehicle. These included the bologna trick, bleaching the paintjob, etc. Now we are about to enter a whole new realm of vehicle specific sabotage. Have fun, gents!

Things to do to the gas tank [Note: You will probably need a funnel similar to an STP oil funnel to hold the close mechanism open. Also some older cars had a wire mesh screen which may need to be broken for some of the following to have effect. I suggest getting a snake from your local plumbing supply store, and coating it with rubber tubing [metal against metal + gas = BOOM!].]:

1> Pour water in. Will flood the engine and cause some nice problems.

2> Do the infamous sugar trick. Sugar will ruin the mark’s engine.

3> Prepare a hydroxide based explosive capsule, as prepared in LoL #5: How to Kill Your Mother Part I.

4> Pour some mortar or cement in the tank. You will ruin the car. He will at LEAST need a new tank, and some cement should not solidify and remain in solution and work its way into the engine, which will cause desirable results.

5> Piss in it… What the hell… When you gotta go, you gotta go…

Things to do to the door locks: Locks have LONG been a passion of mine. I don’t appreciate the idea behind them — to keep people out. I mean it is more challenging… Nobody ever wants to break into something without a lock, because it is amateurish, and this adds some toughness to the project and requires skill…

1> Take a key to a similar make of car, put it in, if necessary, tap it in with a ballpeen hammer. Once it is in and has ruined the lock, be a gentleman and take the ballpeen hammer and whack the portion of the key sticking outside to shear it off, leaving the mark with a trip to the local locksmiths…

2> A personal favorite is to take a tube to krazy glue and inject it into the lock. I suppose model airplane glue [such as that manufactured by Testor] would get the end results, but Krazy Glue is NOTORIOUS for durability and consistancy. Remember, only the BEST for YOUR victim Haha! If you have a heart, you may just get one door… If you are like me, you will do all the doors, trunk or hatchback. Also, a FUN prank to pull is to take off the gascap and wash it with a paper to dry it, and then glue the threads, and TIGHTLY screw it on. Works best when the mark has a near full tank. Next time he rolls into the local Amaco, he looks like the total fool he is when the wimp can’t even remove a gascap…

3> Inject water into the lock. Will take some time, but will cause iron [III] oxide formation [rust] and cost him a new lock. Also, in the cold weather, it is PERFECT. Nothing like a good frozen lock to piss someone off…

4> If you have access to burglary tools, you probably have some kind of modified sectional jimmy, prybar, or other device that will enable you to quickly PULL the lock right off [an example of this was with Arnold Schwartzenegger in THE TERMINATOR]. Except he could do this with bare hands… Then after a month has passed, mail the lock to the mark in a box with giftwrapping and a nice card that says ‘LOOKING FOR THIS?’…

Things to do to the exhaust system: The tailpipe has been a popular anarchist’s target from way back. However, it was rejuvinated by Eddie Murphey with his famous ‘Banana in the Tailpipe’ trick in Beverly Hills Cop. Here are some other ideas, you may wish to consider…

1> Backfiring substitutes: Murphey used a banana. A buddy of mine’s favorite is an Idaho potatoe. He said bananas are so mushy they are good, but potatoes are harder to remove… A practical way to do this, if you have access to machinist’s tools, is to take a telescoping guage, stick it up the pipe, then use a micrometer to measure the distance and whittle the potatoe accordingly… The basic point is the fruit/vegetable MUST have some rigidity to stick… So don’t even try watermelon, and shit like that… Other non-organic devices, such as putty, spackling compound, cement, etc will achieve the same results. Be creative!

2> Tailpipes are held on by usually 2 brackets towards the rear of the vehicle. Climb underneath the rear end, and using a socket wrench, remove them, so he is driving an unsafe vehicle and will PROBABLY get a ticket when you do your ‘patriotic duty’ and call the cops as soon as you see him hop in the vehicle… I have not done much research on this, so I do not know exact size sockets required. I would be most appreciative if some of you field operatives could look into this and get back with me… Also, you may wish to use a wire cutter or bolt cutter to remove these brackets.

3> A noisy muffler is a definite replacement item. Hmmm.. Perhaps the mark’s vehicle has been rather quiet as of late… Well here is how you solve that problem!! Take a scratch awl and knock holes in the bottom of the muffler, which will cause a lot of noise, and a repair bill for the sap.

4> For the real pros… You may wish to aquire an old vacuum cleaner which has a reverse emptying mode and put gasoline inside the waste compartment… Create a tank using a plastic milk jug, as there is NO need for YOU to blow yourself up… Then inject the gasoline in the tailpipe, and if the pressure is strong enough, some should go all the way to the muffler. Then leave the primises. After the car is started and that gets warm, BAM… Need I say more? [WARNING: Do NOT do this to a hot muffler as the wrong person (you) may, ‘take the heat’ so to speak…]

Things to do to the windows: Windows are made of compressed silica [glass]. They are the number one vulnerable spot in the car. Every driver has had a bad windshield at SOME time or other. Heck, one day 3 months ago going down the freeway, a pebble hit my windshield and made a nice nick… And that doesn’t include heavy duty things, like throwing bricks and wood planks off of freeway overpasses onto cars…

1> Break it! : This is the most common… I personally find it childish and lacking creativity, but if you must… Most people will knock it out with a CO2 pistol, Crossman Air Rifle, or a marble/rock from a wrist rocket. You may also use just about any device with weight… Baseball, axe, hammer, brick, etc. One of the more interesting and more obscure methods is to use a burglary technique, by taping the window [usually shatterproof anyways] and then hitting it… Makes a LOT less noise, and shows you have SOME creativity…

2> Grease job: Another fun sport occurs every summer. Dumb fools insist upon leaving their doors open. This is where we anarchists take over. Open the door from the inside, hop in, roll up the window, squirt some motor oil or fine grease on it, roll it back down, and it is PERMANENTLY destroy. Glass consists of tiny crevaces and the oil settles in, and it will NEVER come out…

3> Sticker Shock: Another novelty is to ALWAYS collect bumper stickers. They are a MUST have item in QUANTITY in your personal arsenal. They are usually quite prevalent near election time, so it is wise to have a voting age friend do some free work for a candidate. The other widely publicized method is through radio stations. Most radio stations have stacks of different groups on hand for promotional reasons, and public relations. Stick a bumper sticker in the driver’s field of vision. A more fun way is to just PLASTER the whole windshield with them. Take note to use gloves and do NOT get your fingerprints on them, as you can BET the mark will have the police look at it.

4> Dutch Boy: Paint is another popular idea. Get any color, any kind. It will have the same result… You may also wish to use something such as liquid tar, which will be more messy. Sloppily apply the paint, preferrably by tossing it at the windshield, and the rest of the vehicle as well. You may wish to use a brush or roller if you are a real perfectionist. Myself, the sloppier, the better!!

5> Men’s faces and ladie’s legs frequently need shaving. Why not the car as well?? Take a razor [straight or retractable], or an x-acto knife and proceed to shave the glass, which will reck the window and rile the mark. This technique may also be applied with good result’s to the mark’s house windows.

OTHER MISCELLANEOUS TACTICS

If the mark has a bird feeder, you may wish to get him in trouble with the DNR, local animal shelter, etc. How?? EASY! Get a poison, such as diazonin, and pour in in the food dish in the feeder. Also, cedar chips have been known to damage avian respiratory systems and cause possible convulsions and death.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, as a famous saying goes. The mark’s trash may proove to be your vengeful treasure! You may wish to go trashing to possibily set the mark up. Here are some things to look for when trashing:

+ Letters from friends. Helps you learn more inside info… + Phone bills. Learn who the mark knows, where they are, and when he calls them. + Credit card carbons. In this day when commoners are aware of the trashers who hover over the back of the local K-Mart’s at night, many citizens DEMAND their carbons. What do they do with them?? Tear them up at home, of course. So now you have their cc, and may use it for referrence material… [Among other things :)] + Magazines. You may want to rip off some mailing labels, when you decide to start harassing the mark and ‘subscribing’ him to periodicals, such as HOT HOUSEWIVES, THE GAY TIMES, etc.

The trash may proove of pleasurable anarchical value as well. Merely pour a gallon of gasoline on the trash, and ignite…


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