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Mark Mertz knows a few special things about the Internal Revenue Service — it can be used to furnish a hard time for your mark. Mertz knows his way around government agencies, and here’s one of his IRS offerings.

“You’ll need your mark’s Social Security number and some other obvious personal data. Once you get those data you’re on your way.

“Call a regional IRS office and ‘confess’ that you have cheated on your income tax, your conscience has bothered you, and you want to make things right by this great nation. Make an appointment with an auditor, using your mark’s name, Social Security number, address, etc.”

The kicker comes when the mark doesn’t show up to keep the appointment, for obvious reasons. The IRS will send a visitor around to talk with the mark, and chances are he will be audited, regardless of his explanations.

So much for using IRS to hassle your mark. Many more folks would prefer the IRS were the mark. As in dealing with any large bureaucracy and its people, many of the stunts mentioned in other chapters may be brought to play against the IRS. However, there are a few specific tricks that may be used to bring rain on the IRS picnic.

You could start by picking up a bunch of blank returns and filing them in the names of your least favorite people. I have been assured by a former IRS field auditor that someone will have to make an effort to verify each return.

With the help of your printer and your newly found forgery skills, prepare some financial documents indicating that some person or corporation has received some substantial income. Make copies of copies several times until you have a fifth- or sixth-generation copy that is not too clean but is still easily sharp enough to read. The idea is to make it look like copies of a purloined original. Call an IRS office from a phone booth and tell them you are an honest employee of the mark and you think he is evading taxes. Offer to send the IRS person the papers. Get off the phone very quickly, then send the papers. If the IRS gets nasty they may find themselves in court. I got this idea from a man who worked for a company that did fight IRS in court and won big — through an honest IRS error. Think what could happen to IRS if you fed them a dishonest error!


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