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Recently, I listened as a young woman related how her roommate would continually come in from drunken orgies, sick to her stomach because of what she had done. On one occasion, she managed to void the contents of her stomach all over the work wardrobe of the young lady telling the story. Apparently, it was not the first time it had happened.

“I pleaded with her to stop getting loaded like that and making it with any guy who asked, usually right in our room while I was there in my bed. I threatened to move out. She was a nice kid, sometimes, but this was the last humiliation and ruination for me and my clothes. I moved out…but that wasn’t all. I had to get even.

“A week or so later, when I knew she’d do her laundry, I put my plan into action. After she put her clothes into the dryer and went next door for coffee, I slipped into the laundry room unnoticed and tossed a handful of colorful wax crayons into the dryer with her clothes.”

Joseph and his Biblically mentioned coat had nothing on this boozy sex-date.

From our quickie, but itchy, division, if you want to give a person a really uncomfortable day, toss a piece of fiberglass in with wash containing your mark’s undergarments. It’s guaranteed to ruin his day and, with luck, could also provide a mild rash.

Here are some more crazy ideas to get your revenge on Laundromats.

If the laundromat has no attendant on duty, and most don’t, simply go into the place and fill all the washing machines with quick-drying cement. The will cost a hell of a lot of bucks to repair. The dryers can be sabotaged by filing them with expanding plastic foam. Best to do this at night when there are no other customers around.

Or, you can walk into the washeteria with about five pounds of calcium carbide (wonderful stuff) and dump it into a washing machine. Start the cycle and run like hell. It will foam up like crazy, give off an incredibly obnoxious-smelling gas, and also gum up the machine’s gears.

These are drastic measures. Here is a lightweight goody. Most laundry detergents are a white powder. So is powered bleach. Buy a box of Tide, or similar laundry soap, empty out half of it, and fill it with powdered bleach. Leave the box behind. If this is used for colored clothes, they will run beyond belief. Some laundry detergents are a green or blue powder. So is dye. Mix in some dye with the colored soap powder. Guess what happens?

Another way to point out the errors of their ways to errant owners of these establishments comes from an old Vietnamese friend of mine, a laundryman named Diddy Mao. He converts empty washing machines and clothes dryers into pet cages. For instance, he suggests you put a large, live rat into one of the washers and close the cover. Or, fill one of the machines with crickets from a bait shop, or a swarm of bees. In any case, the customer is going to be the secondary mark in this sting and will surely be out to spread some legal venom to the owner of the business.

Laundromats for Revenge

In addition to the dryer for a pizza oven, as outlined before, you can use laundromats to harass an individual mark, or the business itself can be your mark. It is not very hard, for example, to dump several packets of dye into someone’s wash, ruining his/her clothing. Doing this at random will bring grief to the owners of the laundromat. One antisocial chap used to put small piles of moistened rust particles in the dryer used by his mark so the mark’s clothing would have large rust stains. Roadkill may also be used to good advantage in these operations.

Additives that are positive ingredients for a good time at the laundromat includes raw eggs, fish, peanut butter, and fiberglass. If your mark is the operator of the business, you will find a variety of his/her ancillary services to bugger, including vending machines, customer seats, and restrooms. Small nails or staples driven partly into seats, and restrooms. Small nails or staples driven partly into chairs make good items for customers to snag themselves and their clothing on, for example. And vending machines can be made to steal money from patrons.

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