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What follows are some Personal retribution ideas, we hope that you get inspired after reading these stories.

You can easily turn your mark into a fabled thief, according to former private detective Trowridge Bannister. You need a full-face photo of your mark, plus a furtive longer shot of the type usually taken by surveillance cameras. Take these pictures and your WARNING copy to a trusted printer to get some posters made.

Bannister explains: “You make up posters warning mechants and customers to be on the lookout for the mark. Display his name and picture on the poster in a prominent location, along with the big headlines about this person’s being a thief, shoplifter, or pickpocket. A small amount of copy could explain some brief history of your mark’s criminal career. Make it sound realistic — don’t get cute. Sign the thing by the local community’s merchants association or something like that.”

Bannister says the final step is for you to take these posters to various stores and carefully post them around the stores. Avoid being seen. Doing this in a large shopping mall or in a busy downtown area ensures tha thousands of local citizens will get your message about the mark.

You could use the same tactic and mark your mark as a sex offender, child molestor, or worse…a pornographer.

You can write horrible “news” stories about your mark and have your printer set them in newspaper style, complete with column-length lines and, perhaps, border rules and datelines. You should make the dateline a town in which your mark fomerly lived. In these bogus news stories, she/he could be the subject of almost any sort of exercrable activity, such as child molesting, sexual perversion, child abuse, killing kittens, starving and beating puppies, poaching fawns, self abuse in public, and on and on.

Naturally, the more authentic you make the story, the better the scam will go when you send Xerox copies to the mark’s employer, family, and friends. Have your mail postmarked from the mark’s former city and include a short note from “a friend who thinks you ought to know the truth.”

During World War II, the British SOE made use of a harassing substance that became known as “Who, Me?” It was later adopted by the American OSS. Essentially, it was a tube of obnoxious-smelling liquid that would be squirted onto an enemy’s clothing or body during some time that would not cause alarm, such as while she or he was sleeping or bathing, or during the jostling of a crowd. Exposed to the air, the liquid immediately gave off the pungent odor of strong, fresh human feces.

The product was manufactured by Federal Laboratories near Pittsburgh under an OSS contract. It proved to be quite satisfactory and, as it was packaged, a user could eject one cubic centimeter of Who, Me? as a thin liquid stream at distances of up to ten feet. There was little danger of self contamination if it was handled properly.

According to OSS records, two different formulas were used — a fecal odor for the European theater and a “skunky/body” odor for the Pacific theater. The research-backed reasoning is that because the Japanese often used human wastes as agricultural fertilizers, they would not be as sensitive to the odor as the Germans. Both forms were found to be “noticeably lasting for well over a day, despite frequent washings.”

You probably want to know if you can buy surplus Who, Me? from your local army-navy outlet. No, but you can produce it yourself using the following formula:

919 g. mineral white oil
20 g. skatol
20 g. n-butyric acid
20 g. n-valeric acid
20 g. n-caproic acid
1 g. amyl mercaptan

That will produce a kilogram of the fecal-smelling liquid. You could alter the amounts to produce as much or as little as you think you’ll need. If you prefer the skunky odor, here’s the formula on a relative-percentage basis:

65 percent mineral white oil
10 percent butyric acid
10 percent mercaptan
15 percent alpha ionone

Another great pretender to aroma of woodpussy is 3-methyl-1-butane-thiol. It is easily obtainable in chemical-supply stores and smells almost as terrible as the real thing.

If you are assertive enough to get the chemicals and mix up of a batch of composition, you probably already have the applicator selected and don’t need further help. If not, use this as a lesson in becoming more self-sufficient. Happy squirting.

If you’re too insecure to become a home chemist, you could obtain some formaldehyde, which is popularly known as embalming fluid. This stuff is bad news. It stinks and cna burn your skin. According to some folks, if enough of it gets into the air it will vaporize. If this takes place in a room, that room will be cleared of all breathing objects for several hours.

Being a liquid, formaldehyde may be squirted from any appropriate applicator. It is fairly devastating stuff, but you can get it in small amounts if you are involved in biological or chemical experiments. Sometimes, a white lab coat makes a good cover when you go shopping in a drugstore or medical-supply house outside your neighborhood or town.

A bit more personal, but nowhere near as dangerous, is to dip your fingers in warm water, come up behind you mark, and as you deliver an ear-shattering sneeze, fling the water on the mark’s neck or back. This works well with backless dresses, at the pool, or almost anywhere, for that matter. Escape may be a vital concern here, depending on your mark’s sense of humor.

If your mark is one or both members of a young couple, Dana Bearpaw had a policy of calling the parents of one or both. Playing the role of an older, irate neighbor, he would shout, “Look, I don’t care how much [description of carnal activity to be left up to the discretion of the caller] your son/daughter engages in with every male/female/whatever every damn night. Just keep them out of our backyard when they’re doing it. If you’re any kind of a parent you’ll talk to them about all this.”

Parents usually take this sort of thing to heart…which causes all sorts of communications and credibility problems with their youngsters.

If you want to endear your mark to his/her neighbors, go to the local library and consult the street-address or cross-reference city directory to learn who your mark’s neighbors are and their phone numbers. If you can’t find such a directory in a more rural area, just drive and list names from mailboxes.

Later, call some selected neighbors using your mark’s name and be sure you identify yourself as a close neighbor. Then, launch into something like, “I want to come over and talk to you about [Communism, homosexuality, child pornography, drug legalization, busing, whatever]. I want you to sign a petition demanding fair treatment under the law for [whatever topic you’ve chosen].”

Be pushy and really work to make your mark’s reputation a deserved one.

Many times women are certain their men are out somewhere adding significantly to the statistical rate for sexual infidelity. When one lady had absolute proof of her man’s bombastic bedding habits with other ladies, she devised a scheme that would guarantee his sticking around. On one rare night when he was in their bed, his mate waited until he had fallen into his usual deep sleep, then gently applied one of the new superglue products to both his penis and his leg and held the two together for the short bonding time so well advertised on television.

No elephant, tractor, or pro footballer could break that bond. It took the delicate skill of the family physician to make the separation, a move matched that afternoon by the vendicted lady, who also cut out on her very sore ex-man.

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