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Postal Service

M.J. Banks once sent her mother a Bible via the U.S. Postal Service. By the time it arrived, seven of the Ten Commandments were broken.

If you like your mail deliverer but dislike the U.S. Postal Service, Loren Eugene Sturgis has good news for you. He feels that ordinary citizens are already subsidizing the big corporations and their junk-mail advertising. He fights junk mail, which we’ll get to in a moment. But, here is one of Loren’s ways of cutting down on your own personal postal overhead.

Use Elmer’s glue to coat the surfaces of stamps. This substance defeats the cancellation imprint enough that when you soak the stamp in lukewark water, both the Elmer’s and the cancellation ink come right off. Then you reglue the back of the stamp and use it again and again and again. This is a real money-saver for those who use a lot of postage, Loren points out. Your local postmaster would also point out how illegal this stunt is. Whom would you rather believe?

Rufus and Ruthie Luv are true rebels. Ruf used to work for the postal service, and he claims that automatic sorting machines really can’t tell stamp denominations. For example, he said letters do go through with Easter Seals in place of stamps. He also suggests placing your stamp in the lower right corner. That way, the automatic canceling device will miss it and someone can reuse the stamp.

The U.S. Postal Service also furnishes you with games you can play with your mark. If you’ve ever moved, you know how happy USPS is to give you change-of-address cards. OK, you get such card and change your mark’s address. It would be good if you had his mail sent to another state. Don’t get exotic, though; keep it simple. Use a larger city, like Los Angeles, since this increases the likelihood of further screw-ups as the mark attempts to straighten out the mess when he discovers his mail is no longer arriving. You can double the trouble by changing both home and business addresses. Stop a few moments and think how fouled up your own life would be if your mail was suddenly diverted and possibly lost. It’s just a thought….

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