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Swimming Pool

If your mark has a Swimming Pool all sorts of additives and accessories are available for your incursion into a targeted recreation area. Dyes are a good choice, and there are many chemicals available to do the job. Placing colored dye in the water could create quite an expensive maintenance problem. Heavy doses of salt will create difficulty for your mark, as will fertilizer and the bacteria-inducing chemicals sold for septic systems.

Another swimming-pool additive you could consider is an extract of toxicodendrol, which is the nonvolatile oil found in the poison-ivy plant so memorable to legions of its fans from experiences in camping, fishing, picnicking, loving, or whatever. If you’ve ever had a brush with poison ivy, you can easily imagine what the concentrated extract could do if introduced into the mark’s Swimming Pool.

It’s not very creative, but you could put dead animals in his/her pool. That’s why you should always keep several large trash or lawn plastic bags in your car — you never know when you’re going to happen upon an especially disgusting piece of roadkill. Generally, for Swimming Pools, the larger the dead animal you can manage to get into the mark’s pool the better. Call the zoo; maybe they’ll give you their next dead elephant. Use a fictitious name and have the animal sent to a safe mail drop!

Some of my acquaintances belong to esoteric military units like Special Forces, SEALS, Blue Light, etc. One of them recently told me about a non-issue application of the orange dye marker solution that is normally issued for air-sea rescue work.

My friend recalled, “It happened down South, when we were refused membership in a community Swimming Pool because (1) we were military types and (2) two of our five were black dudes. Since these civilian bozos were so color conscious, we decided to give the locals some sensitivity training.

“A friend in Supply got us some orange dye marker, and a week or so later we pulled a late-night recon mission into enemy territory. We loaded us their lily-white pool with orange dye. Man, does that stuff work — even better than we thought! It messed up the filters and pumps something fierce, and it coated the bottom and sides of the pool this vivid orange. Oh yeah, the whole pool full of water was ruined too.

“This made local TV coverage, and were the city fathers pissed off! They figured it was us military types, but nobody had any courtroom proof. The local hoods were afraid to mess with us physically, so the whole thing was a draw. It cost them a few thousand bucks to get the pool running again. By then, we’d discovered we could enjoy the base pool anyway. That was our contribution to making some bigots a bit less discriminatory.”

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