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Poor school teachers do get dumped on a lot. It’s too bad because there are a lot of nice teachers. So please don’t pick on them just because they happen to be your teachers. Remember, a lot of them aren’t much happier about all this than you are, and sometimes they’re a lot more nicer and civilized than you are.

Of course, there is always the exception who must be dealt with. On one talk show in New Orleans, a caller named Dan told me about his shop teacher accusing kids of stealing tools from the supply room. The kid he really jumped on for theft was totally innocent and said so – finally, very loudly. He got sent down to the office, and draconian discipline came down upon him.

“We decided to get even,” Dan relates. “That teacher knew who really took the stuff, but he’s afraid of this big kid, so he blamed a little kid and covered it up that way. We figured if this teacher was such hot stuff and was so concerned about `hot’ tools, we’d fix him right up. Just before he was to give a demonstration on using pliers properly, we heated the handles of his pliers with a torch. Isn’t there something in the Bible about burned fingers and thieves? Anyway, it was a just dessert.”

The Bible, Dan? Really!

More Revenge Ideas

Early one morning before their Teacher got to the classroom, some students painted a large black/brown spot on the ceiling. With some deft art touches, it looked as if a huge hole had suddenly broken through. They piled broken plaster, ceiling wire, and hunks of lath on the floor beneath the hole.

The Teacher was a priss, and when he came in and saw the mess he pranced out to inform the principal. Quickly, the perpetrators cleaned the water paint off the ceiling and swept up the floor. They disposed of the residue and trash on the roof outside of the room.

When the principal and the Teacher returned, the students acted inoccently concerned about the Teacher’s sanity. The principal asked the Teacher to please stop in and see him at the first available moment. As he left, the principal stared at the Teacher for a long, long time.

If you don’t like a Teacher, here’s the ticket, according to that veteran student of human affairs Doug Dedge. You have to get your mark to a library where they use an electronic sensor to catch people taking books out of the place without proper checkout. Locate your mark. Then go to the periodicals section and page through several magazines until you locate and remove several of the metallic sensor strips.

Carefully plant these on your mark or on his/her own books, briefcase, overcoat, or whatever. The idea is to get multiple plantings. Perhaps a diversion could be created to allow you the few seconds needed to plant the sensors. Stick around and enjoy the fun when the mark tries to go out the door.

Your planted sensors will set off the bell. This will cause extreme shock, upset, indignation, and confusion. With luck, only one sensor will be found at first, and the mark will try to leave again. Round two is also yours.

Because Teachers deal with children, they are especially susceptible to child-molesting charges, deserved or not. Claude Pendejo’s son was accused by his Teacher of cheating on a test and given an F. The boy, who was quite innocent, literally cried his innocence. No one believed him but his parents. The Teacher was especially insolent about the entire matter, refusing to talk with the parents. The Teachers’ union backed their errant member, and that caused the principal to shy away from the case.

Claude Pendejo decided that because the Teacher had messed up his son, it was only fitting for the man to become a molestor of a different sort.

After giving the Teacher a couple of months to forget the incident, Pendejo acted. One morning, each home in the neighborhood around this school was posted with a brief letter, run off on a cheap mimeo machine. The letter stated that the Teacher in question had molested the little child of the letter’s grieving writer — a scared mother — and only now did this parent have the courage to come forth. The “writer” of the letter said that the Teacher had sexually abused her son on four occasions, and finally the pain and shame had made him come to his parents for salvation. The “humble mother” said the police would do nothing, so she, as a frightened mother, was appealing directly to other concerned parents for their help in ridding their neighborhood school of this horrible beast.

Within three days, the man was blamed (wrongly) for an actual molesting incident totally unrelated to the scam. Two other kids came forward and “confessed” he had made sexual advances to them (he had not). The man was waylaid by two fathers and pushed around, his car was trashed, and the neighborhood cop told him he would have his eye on the man. The Teacher’s wife was a suspicious sort anyway, and this whole thing just fed their marital fires. Finally, his supervisor told the man he was too much of a problem and he ought to consider either moving away or going into a new line of work. This happened after the local paper ran a “guilty or no” story on the whole matter. Since there was no actual proof, the paper was somewhat sympathetic to the mark. Eventually, the whole matter burned down to a few embers of suspicion that would never die out.

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