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A lot of my domestic travel time is in those areas of the country where cops play speed trap with crooked technology and old boy magistrates. That’s why I enjoyed hearing Gary’s story about adding an aluminum storage tank and electric pump in the trunk of his souped-up car, along with a hose aimed out the back.

“I filled the tank system with sulphur dioxide. Then I got the old bully boy fuzz on my tail in his pathetic Dodge patrol car and led him out of town in a mini-chase. I opened up on him at about fifty feet and engulfed him in this could of foggy gas. He ran clear off the road and dumped his car assend into a swamp.”

This gas burns and chokes a person, obviously messing up his vision. Gary said he picked an area where no real harm could come to the officer and fired his blast before they got up to any unsafe speed. Of course, as Richard Stone points out so cogently, “Where there is no patrol car there is no speed limit.”

Moving from the highway to one of the great travelers of the world, the late LuLu McManmon, sister of might Bruno, used to say “if you’re going to travel on the Titanic you might as well go first class.” She had this great idea for motels, tour-ships staterooms and other habitats of the ill-treated tourist. She used to do this to expensive dumps that went out of their way to make her stay miserable.

“I always think positively so I though misery might like company,” LuLu told me once. “You know how these places store extra soap and towels in the closet? I used to carefully unwrap the soap, stick a bunch of my tight’n’curlies [aka pubic hairs] on the soap, wrap it back up and replace it in storage for the next guest.”

Yeah, LuLu, I bet that made a big hit with the management when the next guest called to raise hell about the short hairs on his soap. More hijinks from the Skull, only this time the fun happens before the mark gets off the ground. Skulls says to make a piece of metal or foil into the shape of a gun or nasty looking dagger and then slip it into your mark’s carry-on airline luggage.

“This really works well because the piece of metal or foil is really thin,” says Skull. “You can put it between folded clothes in a briefcase between photographs or pages in a book. There are dozens of hiding places where it will not be easily found, except by the airport metal detector or X-ray machine.”

Always be on the lookout for double fun by also sticking a very small plastic bag of white powder in the mark’s bag or pocket.

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