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Water Wells

People who live outside the lines of municipal services provide their own utilities, one of which is a Water Well. Normally, these wells are topped by a simple metal cap held in place by several set screws. It takes only a few minutes to loosen the screws, remove the cap, and dump a load of modest-sized roadkill, such as squirrels, small rabbits, rats, birds, etc., down the well casing. Replace the cap and tighten the screws, and the mark will be none the wiser. For a while.

Water Wells are usually purified once a year by adding a gallon of a chlorine bleach, such as Clorox, to the well. This process also oxidizes the iron in the water, turning the liquid a dirty rusty color. The water now stinks and tastes awful. To demolish the quality of your mark’s water supply for at least a week, dump about ten to fifteen gallons of bleach down the well.

Barfo Renchquist got his nickname as you might imagine. His favorite water-well trick is to eat all sorts of multi-colored greasy junk food, like pizza. He drinks a lot of beer, too. Primed and loaded, he is driven to the mark’s Water Well. The well cap is removed, and Barfo positions himself over the well casing and pulls the trigger by sticking his finger down his throat. Barfo does his thing — all of it down the well. The well cap is replaced.

“It works best when they don’t have too fine a filter on their pump and some of the small pieces of puke come out the house taps. A lot of the color, smell and taste almost always comes through. It’s a very demoralizing stunt,” Barfo reports.


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