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Things That Go ‘BOOM’ and Other Stuff That Rulez Issue Four

Things That Go ‘BOOM’ and Other Stuff That Rulez
Issue Four

Written by
High Wizard Cerberus
Count Zero

Shroud of Deception
Gut Shoveler (Gutz)


WARNING: Don’t try this
at home. If you’re stupid enough to try any of this
shit, we’re not responsible. We aren’t
gonna pay your hospital bills because
you blew off your thumb. We’ll just laugh at you. WE

No, you don’t have to go to an occult board to find information on casting

AD&D ™ spells. We are now going to reveal some of the greatest secrets
unknown to
mortal men for so very very many milenium. This issue of BOOM
is dedicated to teaching you
apprentice fire elementalists a few spells.
Remember, if the gods don’t like you and cause
your spells to backfire, it
ain’t our fault.

Magic Missile (Wizard 1st level):
This idea is from Sophere who sugested it as a replacement for the rockets
used in ‘Pin the
Rocket on the Moron’ (issue 3). We really don’t think
you should do that. But, you can if you
want to. Remember, if you get hurt
it ain’t our fault.
Spell Components:
multi-staged rocket engine
some gunpowder
some good duck tape
1 rocket igniter
Take the mulit-staged rocket engine and put gunpowder in the end opposite to
the one you ignite. Now, cover the end you put the gun powder in with duck
tape. Ignite the
engine and run.
A Brief Lesson on Rocket Engines:
Rocket engines come in two kinds: one
stage and multi-stage. One stage
engines just run out of power and die. Multi-stage engines
run out of fuel
and then set off a small explosion design to start the next engine (or for
this experiment, the gun powder). This is why you need a multi-stage
engine. Rocket engines
also have different sizes: A, B, C, and D are the
most common and most easily accessable. Some
small companies also produce
larger (E, F, and G) engines. For this project we recommend A’s
and B’s.
The larger engines would make the rocket travel too far before exploding.

Burning Hands (Wizard 1st level):
This spell is most definitely NOT recommended for novice
spell casters.
Only high level casters are able to cast this spell without injuring

Spell Components:
lots of holy fire water (gasoline)
1 disposable
magic fire wand (or one of the permenant Zippo variety)
Dip your hand into
the holy fire water. This is to purify your hand so it
can recieve the gift of fire from the
magic fire wand. After your hand has
been purified, light the magic fire wand and touch it to
your palm. Your
hand now has the power to start small fires. If you are only a novice spell
caster, you will now feel some slight discomfort. This is why this spell is
recommended for experienced fire elementalists.

Flaming Sphere (Wizard 2nd level):
The Flaming Sphere spell creates a burning globe within ten yards of the
caster (usually
right next to him/her). Flammable substances are set afire
by contact with the sphere.

Spell Components:
1 large ball of cotton (or other fabric)
some vasoline
disposable magic fire wand (or one of the permenant Zippo variety)
on the size of the sphere you wish to create, you may wish to
soak the fabric in holy fire
water before beginning. Afterwards, you cover
the fabric (soaked or not) in vasoline. Make
sure you have lots of vasoline
as this is what controls the spell duration. Then, add holy
fire water
and/or holy fire powder to taste. Light the sphere with your magic fire
and run (or fly away on your magic carpet).

Flame Arrow (Wizard 3rd level):
spell enables the wizard to turn normal arrows or crossbow bolts into
magical flaming
Spell Components:
1 arrow (or crossbow bolt)
some of which ever mixture
you choose (see list below)
1 disposable magic fire wand (or one of the permenant Zippo
Cover the arrow (or crossbow bolt) with the mixture you elect to
use. Then,
light the tip of the arrow with your magic fire wand. Afterwards, load up
arrow and fire it. Watch out though, this spell has one wierd side
effect. Whoever you hit (if
you’re lucky enough to hit anyone) will be very
pissed off at you. This spell has been known
to cause frenzy and/or raise
the target’s morale to 20. In other words, get ready to run the
hell away.
1. Chud (issue 1): Chud and it’s varients have long been used by
wizards for
spells such as this. It doesn’t stick quite as well as the other
but it’s flammability is high.
2. C & C Hellfire Mix (issue 2): C & C Hellfire Mix
serves an important
purpose. It allows magicians who cast Flame Arrow to save their arrows
for later use. However, mages using C & C Hellfire Mix do give up some
3. Holy Vasoline Mixture (this issue): The vasoline and holy fire water mix
listed under
Wall of Fire in this issue also works well in the Flame
Arrow spell. It is quite possibly the
best mixture of flammability and
sticking power that can be achieved.
4. Straight Holy
Fire Water: Yes, you can just use holy fire water for this
spell. However, the spell duration
is cut short. Therefore, it is not

Wall of Fire (Wizard 4th
Here are the instructions for the 4th level wizard spell ‘Wall of Fire.’
It is
recommended that you have a quick escape route (car, magic carpet,
ect.) from where ever you
cast this spell.
Spell Components:
1 part holy fire water (gasoline)
2 parts
1 disposable magic fire wand (or one of the permenant Zippo variety)

Mix the gasoline and vasoline together in your enchanted kettle. Make sure

to stir them up real good. If you don’t, the spell will not function
correctly. Now, put the
mixture on a wall (or other solid object). The
vasoline causes the gasoline to stay in place.
After you cover the wall
with the mixture, light your disposable magic fire wand and throw it
at the
wall. Be sure to say the magic words "Fire, Fire, Fire!" as you throw the

Beware, further issues to come…

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